I love the TTC. No really, I do. I know most people grumble about it, but clearly those people have never tried to live on transit in any city other than Toronto. If they had, they would realize how good they have it. However, I digress. The TTC is basically my second home. I spend a good chunk of my day underground, on the subway, with the masses.
I was doing just that yesterday night. Sitting on the backwards facing seat on the subway, chatting sarcastically with a friend, being all non-chalant and witty and such. Doo dee doo. Chat, chat, chat. Then the train started going a bit too fast for it’s tracks and turns and starting jerking a bit. Yeah, okay, whatever, the train always jerks, you get used to it.
So…chat, chat, chat, bump, bump, jerk, screech……annnnnnnnnnnd BOOM.
I fell. Right onto my ass. Left cheek to be exact. What is most impressive about this, is that I was already sitting. The train jerked to the left, I jerked to the right, went up and over a tad, and landed straight on my fat ass. To the amusement of all. I fell. Off my seat. In front of dozens of people, who were all looking at me, cuz I was facing backwards. Classy. Maybe I should sue the TTC for lack of seatbelts or dangerous driving or something.
Sadly (strangely?), the first thing I thought was, ‘Thank God for my increasingly fat/badonkadonk ass’. Cuz seriously, it’s been growing. It may have something to do with the fact that I eat things like this, on a nearly daily basis:
In fact, I ate something very close to this particular specimen just hours before my falling down. Thank goodness, too, cuz I needed the padding. I went down pretty good. I then laughed about it for hours.
I’ve never seen anybody do that. I’ve never seen anybody fall out of their seat on the subway. I, ladies and gentlemen, belive I am a pioneer in that field. And because of that, I have no shame. Clearly…..since I’ve just told the whole word what a loser I am. And no, I wasn’t inebriated. Just gravitationally overcome is all.