If you asked anybody who knows me to describe me in one or two words, you might hear ‘blunt’, ‘sarcastic’, ‘opinionated’, ‘devilishly good looking and charming’, ‘neurotic’, ‘appreciator of bad TV’. What you would NOT hear is the word ‘patient’. Nope, that would definitely NOT make the list.
I am impatient. To the nth degree. I want what I want, and I want it five minutes ago. I am also impatient in the sense that I have no sympathy or time to waste on people who are clearly subpar to me in the intelligence area (please note, people probably wouldn’t describe me as modest either). I have no patience for stupid questions or stupid people. I have no patience for traffic jams or fat-asses who plunk their girth down in the middle of the escalator, preventing me from going past.
My impatience has made today particularly trying. It started off with a lady of signifcant mass blocking the escalator when I was trying to get upstairs. NO! Move over. Get out of my way, I have places to be. I’m sure you do too, but Starbucks and McDonald’s will serve you whether you get there at 9:00 or after. I however, have to report to work. Have some damned respect and take a side, you ass-monkey.
Second, we had an office rented out to a guest client. For some reason, it was locked and I could not open it, though it appeared that the key fit. I ran around like a maniac, looking for my boss who was nowhere to be found. I went into the washroom and found her there, with her hair absolutely soaking and wearing half a face of makeup. I explained the situation, explained people were getting testy about not being able to get in and she just told me to push the door harder or turn the key the other way. NO! Do your job, dry your damned hair and fix this! YOU are the manager. Not me. It isn’t my job. I don’t have the patience to be your shield…..I will not be thrown into situations to literally cover your ass.
Here’s an example of my impatience for impossible things: No, I cannot make three sets of photocopies for you of an 85 page document, when it has three different sizes of paper, some double sided, half of them stapled and you want half of them replaced with photocopies anyways in the next twenty minutes. NO. This is IMPOSSIBLE. And by the way, it’s fucking photocopies. Please calm down about it. And do NOT come up to me and go, “I know you haven’t had your lunch yet, but please……” Please what? Please have the balls to finish the sentence. I dont have the patience for your pansy ass way of trying to be bossy.
I dont have the patience to explain myself. Especially not on the phone. When six other lines are ringing. Trust me, I don’t have the number for New York head office. Don’t call back, inform me I’m being ‘not very helpful’ and then tell me it’s hard to believe that I don’t know the number. Cuz I will yell at you.
Yeah. Do It. I Dare you.
I will inform you that you are not listening to me and that I actually don’t even work for the company you are calling, I just answer their phones. I dont have a fucking clue as to what they even do. It could be a coverup for some intricate mob thing. I dont know. I dont care. Leave me the fuck alone and find the New York number yourself. Yeah, and if you call back a third time? I’ll hang up on you. How do you like that, eh? I know, it’s ‘not very helpful’.
I also don’t have patience while waiting for my $4 coffee. I broke my little diet thing (cuz of all the idiots I dealt with earlier) and ordered an over-sugared, over-fatty, over-priced drink at the Starbucks downstairs. About seven drinks came up before mine, though I was the ONLY one waiting at the counter. I’m sorry…..I’m impatient. I can’t be held responsible for telling the barista at the espresso machine that if my drink isn’t the next one up, I’m taking all three of the drinks currently sitting in front of me, whom all appear to be abandoned. Make my drink, I’m the only one here. What are you DOING back there??? I didn’t pay you $4 so I could have the privilege of staring at you while you dick around.
Me: “I swear to God, if you ask me to photocopy that fucking thing ONE more time……”
The lesson for today? Take your stupidity elsewhere! I don’t have the patience for it. And tonight, when I go to the gym, all you idiots will totally be my motivation.