I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

So I’m on an ass de-expansion plan. Some people call it a diet, but I don’t, cuz diet’s don’t work. I do believe that ass de-expansion plans work though. This one seems to be.

As part of the above described plan, I am limiting my intake of alcohol and bad foods. So last night, when the girls got together and we decided that wine was in order, we decided to veto the actual dinner part. We would get our calories through the wine, you see. So we did. But as drinking tends to do, it made us snacky. We wanted to eat something. So, we asked our host, ‘Bitch! Feed us! We don’t care if you have no food, find something dude!’

So, she did. My lovely friend (who is a different person than aforementioned awesome friend in this blog) served us food. It was even healthy.

She served us…….moldy cantaloupe.

Yeah. I mean, it didn’t allow me to get completely sidetracked off of the ass-reduction plan, since nobody really wants to binge on moldy melon. Nobody. Lovely friend, if you are reading this, the next time you serve me something moldy (knowingly!) I will throw it at you.

Love, Talea.


Comments on: "Fat? Get friends to serve you!" (4)

  1. greenmetropolis said:

    I love that there is a distinction between ‘lovely friend’ and ‘awesome friend’. Also, you forgot to mention your stumbling off the wagon in front of the pizza place. Yeah.

  2. Lovely Friend said:

    I can’t believe you posted this!

    Right, in my defence, I tasted said “mouldy” cantaloupe prior to serving it to you, and although it smelt… well wrong, it tasted fine to me. It was only 3 days old. I did indeed make that judgment call, and then passed the buck, or as the case maybe the “mouldy” cantaloupe on to you and your discretion.

    I will remind everyone again, that we were drinking, and I wasn’t being held accountable for any of my other actions that night, so why should I be responsible for you deciding to eat the fruit?

    It tasted fine… I think.


    Your Lovely Friend

  3. Dudes, I totally chowed down on that melon without even noticing. But we’ll also recall that I left earliest with a definite slur and stumble.

    Awesome Friend

  4. Ha. And half open eyes that were desperately battling gravity.

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