I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

When you finish elementary school, you get a piece of paper and go on to high school.

When you finish high school, you get a piece of paper and go on to university or college.

When you finish university, you get a piece of paper, a ton of debt and a warning to not let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. If you were smart enough to study something that led straight to a job (engineer, lawyer, teacher) then perhaps there’s other doors in front of you when you leave. However, if you’re like me and took a degree that doesn’t lead straight into a job (Environmental Studies, minor in Geography, diploma in Environmental Assessment), you kind of stand there. You know that the door behind you won’t open again, but there doesn’t seem to be much in front of you.

So, let’s recap. You have stressed yourself out for four years, have moved away from home, have amassed gigantic amounts of debt, learnt completely useless knowledge, can write an essay with the best of them, have eaten disgusting, disgusting, cheap-ass ‘food’, and have no discernible job skills. You don’t know if you stay where you are or if you should move back home. You don’t know how you’re going to afford living in this doorless world. Half of your friends bugger off to grad school on different continents or at the very least, other ends of the country. And you (which, if you haven’t figured out yet is actually ‘me’) just keep standing there…..

Welcome. To my bitterness. It runs deep and with conviction, and I make no apologies for it. I left university without a bang. Without even a whimper. For reasons I won’t get into, I had to take a term off and go home, and finish my thesis at home. I wasn’t even in the same time zone as my university and it was really quite an anticlimactic finish to the whole affair. Anyways, I got my thesis in and………….that was it.

I moved back to Ontario. I was unemployed for three months. I went to my convocation that summer, begrudgingly I might add, and had to admit to my fellow graduates that I was now working. Retail. Selling sunglasses. Yeah. I mean, that was a proud day for me. I was so glad that my parents were forcing me to go to my convocation (making their second appearance in Ontario in five years, to an event I relayed to them dozens of times I had no interest in going to…..another story). After my fascinating career as a sunglass pro, I quit to take a glorified telemarketing job. To be fair, this job actually turned into a decent one. I was an office manager/accountant/second in command (in my head at least). But seriously, not a bad job. Until of course, they shut down the division with less than 24 hours notice. Bitter? Yeah. So now I work another admin type job. I’m stuck in the admin ghetto.

I went to school for four and a half years to answer phones and make photocopies. And those four and a half years sucked ass. Seriously. The only good thing that came of them was my now full-fledged addiction and admiration towards Tim Horton’s. Timmy was always there for me. Morning Spanish class? Timmy would keep me awake. Nighttime geology course? Timmy was still up to it.

I still do not know what I want to do. I do know two things. That someone should have told me beforehand that university is a total scam, and college is a way better bet. Second, I really love Tim Horton’s.

I’m underemployed and I have a caffeine addiction. How do people do it? How do they get real jobs that pay them enough money to be able to afford said addiction? All the environmental jobs I can find, and that I’m qualified for, pay an incredible wage of $8-$10 an hour. Hell, for that amount of money, I may as well work at Tim Horton’s. Oh well. The boyfriend is writing his MCAT’s later this week. If all goes well, he’ll be rich and I’ll be content and full of bonbons.

Yes folks, my dreams have been ground down to being a kept woman, who eats bonbons all day long. University: 1. Talea: 0. Timmy’s: infinity.

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Comments on: "Warning: Do NOT go to university. Hang out at Timmy’s instead." (1)

  1. Dude, I’d trade in my sole year of education for bon bons any day of the week. As long as you recycle the wrappers, you’re fine.

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