It’s no secret that I hate going to the gym. It’s just so damn boring. And lying around/reading/crosswording/cross-stitching (I know, I know, but it’s very mentally soothing)/sleeping/stabbing ones eye out with rusty utensils are all so much more fun than going. And all require less effort. And if there’s one thing I am (besides too blunt), it’s lazy. I am a lazy bastard.
So, I need motivation when I actually get to the gym. As we also all know, I’m not exactly motivated by the staff at my gym. (See here if you haven’t read my musings on that particular subject). So I require other sources to get me and my arse to move.
I know others have this problem, as hundreds of books and an entire industry have been dedicated to getting people to move in their free time. I’ve got it figured out though.
When I have to do cardio, I always try to get the machine behind the fattest person there. I figure, if she can get that to move, then I can certainly move, and plus, you get hypnotized by the jiggling. Jiggle jiggle jiggle, and all of a sudden, your time is up.
This secret will halt the current obesity epidemic.
Note: If you are in America, there is a high chance that everyone is obese. Don’t panic, you won’t have to try and pick. If this is the case, I suggest arranging the treadmills/elipticals in a circle. That way, everyone wins. You can be mesmerized by each others large behinds with nobody feeling left out.
Finally. I’ve done it. I’ve used obesity to cure obesity. Watch for it folks, hypnosis by jiggling shall be the next huge trend. Move over Atkins, here come the fatties.