So I’m a Canuck. Most days I’m proud of that. As a Canadian, I am stereotyped as living in an igloo, owning several huskies, saying ‘oot and aboot’ and being very apologetic. I do none of these things. Except last night. It was the oddest thing……..and it was also one of the stupidest things I’ve ever said.
I was walking through the back alley near my house. Now, this is a particularly unpleasant alley. It backs onto a strip of restaurants. These restaurants have big garbage bins out back. Many of these restaurants have an ‘Asian’ theme. This means lots of fish, seafood and other rumored animals that I won’t get into (meow). Ahem. It stinks back there. And there’s always garbage juice running all over the place. On the other side, there’s this little ‘parkette’.
In this parkette, we have a large cast of characters. On any given day, you may find hippies with dreadlocks, kids with guitars, bums, hobos, vagrants, drunks, crackheads, misguided prostitutes, street kids, street dogs, tourists who are seriously lost, and out of work midgets. Well, okay, I’ve never seen a midget there, but I can totally see them fitting in. Anyhow. I was cutting through there to get to my gym, cuz I hate walking that block of Queen Street since it is full of people who don’t seem to understand how to walk on a sidewalk and move out of my way.
I was pleasantly dodging puddles of leachate (fancy term for garbage juice), when I heard, “Hey, do you have some weed we can buy?”
Now, keep in mind, this is Canada. We’re very liberal with stuff like that. In fact, I’m the only person I know who doesn’t smoke weed on a fairly regular basis. So I wasn’t at all surprised to be asked this. I get asked every so often, but my response was perhaps the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever said.
Fat hairy street kid: “Hey, do you have some weed we can buy?”
Me: “No. Sorry, I don’t.” Then I gave him a ‘sorry that your puppy died, little boy’ kind of sad smile.
No, SORRY I DON’T?!?! Who the fuck SAYS that? My apologies for not being able to supply you, a leach on the social network whom my taxes support in the form of welfare, an illegal substance in a back alley reeking of death and seafood. Please accept my humble apology, for you will have to continue on your search to get yourself baked. Here, let me buy you a cookie.
Sometimes I’m a fucking retard.