I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Universal Truth #22

Some days it seems just a helluva easier to quit than to return the next day to work.

Pay attention to the post it on the guys head.


I have totally run out of steam. I cannot do it anymore. You know how people say, “I’d rather shovel shit than work here?” WELL. I have HAD a job shovelling shit. Literally. And honestly? It was better than office work.

If I have to fix a photocopier one more time, or listen to people bitch about me taking away the styrofoam cups, I am going to drop kick them. NO, I will NOT refund your courier charges on your invoice because you winked at me. No, I do NOT know why your computer isn’t working. Yes, you WILL be charged late fees if you pay late. I know, crazy. And if I have to take your dirty dishes out of the sink one more time to put them in the dishwasher two feet away, I will wait quietly for you to return and throw the fucking mug at your head.  

Maybe I’ll go back to shovelling shit. It wasn’t that bad. You just had to keep your mouth closed was all. Plus, I got to wear coveralls. Coveralls! Dude!

Comments on: "Universal Truth #22" (8)

  1. Let’s do it together. You and me, ass deep in shit. Hey, at least there is the certainty of what kind of shit is heading your way. That’s more then what one usually gets in life.

    That’s a great way of looking at it my dear. And I’m up for it. I loved my shit factory job. Just don’t lose your footing. That’s all I’m saying.

  2. mmm two girls shoveling shit. can I start a website?

    ❤ thatpessimist

    First off, no. Second, there’s probably already websites for that. Move along, shit lover, move along.

  3. Hey count me in. I’m about that fed up at this underpaid shitfest of a job myself.

    You are counted in. The beauty of shit is that it doesn’t talk back. It just flows along and ignores you. More than the turds I work with now (hardy har har)

  4. you took the styrofoam cups away? oh you fucking MONSTER!!! LMAO! hey, i’ll join you in the shit shoveling. i love coveralls too!

    Oh, I SO did. There’s a post about it on here somewhere. And seriously, people fucking HATE me for it. I’m sure if they could, they’d burn me at the stake. They shoot me dirty looks and mutter things in my direction. My general response is, “Too fucking bad, use a mug. And put it in the dishwasher you scum! If you want styrofoam, buy your own. Asshole.”
    I know, the coveralls were GREAT. I never had to worry about what to wear at work.

  5. I agree with you on the coffee mug thing. It really pisses me off that people assume that I’m being paid to be their kitchen bitch (I’m not…)

    Leaf, I actually had one woman tell me that that was my job; cleaning up the kitchen and putting dishes away. In my snarkiest ‘oh no you di-int’ voice, I informed her that she was sadly mistaken. She’s remained on the shit list since then. I coulnd’ tbelieve it. Do you honestly think I’m here to pick up after you? No.

  6. You’re really gathering a “shit shovelling army” over here, and I’ll be happy to join if you need another hand in the shit-yard; I happen to have freakishly strong fore arms, so I could probably shovel that shit all day and then some (i.e. ‘child-labour” hours…)

    Dude, you are so hired for the shit shovelling army. There’s always enough shit to go around! Welcome Romi! Just remember to keep your mouth shut. TRUST me.

  7. I have spent at least 10 months trying to get the printer to work correctly. What is my like coming to?


    I know. One day you wake up and think, ‘holy fuck, I’ve become those loser old people who work in offices and grumble about printers all day’. My suggestion is to throw the printer out the window and then they’ll buy you a new one and then you can stop being that loser old person who grumbles about the shitty printer all day.

  8. You and Romi in Canada working together?? Not fair. I’ve been thinking of moving. Maybe we could start our own shoveling company. Work for ourselves. Like real business women.

    We’re not only in the same COUNTRY, but we’re both in Toronto. Which’ll make it easier to get together and outfit our shit shovelling army. If you come up here, make sure to come to Toronto. You don’t want to wind up in Manitoba or something. That shit’s just nasty.
    You know, where I’m from, they have a saying. When you drive down the highway and smell manure, you go, “mmmmmm, the smell of money!’ There’s a lot of money in poop. We could do it. As you say, like real business women.

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