That would be the TIM HORTONS AT UNIVERSITY & COLLEGE IN TORONTO. Yeah. The one right on the southwest corner there, in the kind of underground mall, right attached to the Queen’s Park subway stop.
Yeah. That one. Don’t go there. And if you do, mock the Assistant Manager (I believe his name was Zia) incessently. Cuz he’s a dick.
Here’s why: The boyfriend and I were out one night walking Zoey the dog. I decided that I wanted a warm, caffeinated beverage to pep up the trip. I popped into the Timmie’s at University & College. It’s a new Tim Horton’s, it was only recently opened. But Tim Horton’s is a wonderful place…..each one is the exact damned same. It’s phenomenal.
So I went in and asked for my medium double-double, and a cup of tap water for the boyfriend who was outside with the pup. The guy behind the counter goes, ‘Is the water for here or to go?’
I told him it was to go, I just wanted tap water in a cup. I thought it was the fact that he could hardly speak English that made him confused. But it wasn’t. He understood what I wanted. I ask for water in a cup ALL the time at Tim Horton’s, cuz the boyfriend drinks like, 300 litres of water a day. Really.
He then says: “Sorry, we don’t do that.”
I frowned in confusion. “Don’t do what?” I asked.
“We don’t give out cups of tap water. If you want tap water, you have to drink it in a glass mug.”
Me: *Stunned silence* “Um, are you shitting me?”
Him: “No ma’am. We don’t give out water in cups, since you aren’t paying for it.”
Me: “Well, here, take a dime. I guarantee you that that cup cost you less than a damned dime.”
Him: “No ma’am. We don’t give out water.”
Me: “You’re totally fucking with me, right? Cuz I’ve been to practically every Tim Horton’s in this city and they ALL give out water. Is this just your policy?”
Him: “Yes. My boss says it costs too much.”
Me: “Okay. Well, inform your boss that since he didn’t want to lose a penny, he’ll now lose a customer. You guys make a great first impression. Cancel my coffee please.”
Him: “But ma’am, we already have your coffee ready for you!”
Me: “Well, dump that $1.24 down the sink. Explain that to your boss. Nice meeting you, I won’t be back!”
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME???? Did we lose a war? Do I live in some arid, sun-drenched, completely parched desert country? No! I live in bloody Canada, the country with the most fresh water in the world!
I mean, his problem wasn’t even the water. He’d give that to me….in a mug. It was the cup that they were unable to part with. I offered them 10 cents for a fucking paper cup. You cannot possibly tell me that when you ordered 5 million cups, they couldn’t cut you a deal for less than 10 cents a cup.
I totally plan on going in and just being a jackas customer a few more times. For the hell of it, you know? And for my Toronto readers, spread the word guys! Don’t go there. Or if you do, point and laugh at Zia. He’s a boob.
My plan will be this. I shall go in, all sweet and innocent-like. I will ask for a tea. I will ask them to double cup it, since Timmie’s always serves its tea at approximately 463 degrees above 0. Like, BOILING hot. They HAVE to double cup it or you’ll singe your fingers.
I will also ask for a MUG of tap water. Are you following?? Yeahhhhh. I’m then going to remove the second cup from my tea, and pour my mug water into my newly found disposable cup. I will then slam down the mug, all triumphant-like on the counter. I’ll laugh maniacally, cuz they’ll have to pay for the cup AND to wash the mug. I’ll point and laugh at Zia and skip merrily on my way. I might spill my water on the floor too. Who knows, right? Depends on how much of a dick Zia’s being that day.
Mahahahahaha. The possibilities for mayhem are endless.
Moral of the story? Don’t deny me what I want! I shall broadcast your horribleness to the 3 people who read my blog and scheme up horrible things to do to you that shall never come to fruition!
Ah, Talea, you evil genius, you.