I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

When I was little, anytime I said almost anything, my mom would prompt me with, ‘And WHAT do you say?’ The answer was either, ‘please, thank you, no thank you, you’re welcome, nice to meet you’, etc, etc. It all depended on the situation you see.

I learned my lesson. I’m a polite girl when I need to be. I’m Canadian after all. I have to say sorry all damned day long. If someone punches me in the face, I have to say sorry for getting my face in their fist’s way. If someone asks me for pot and I have none (see previous post….) I have to say sorry cuz I can’t fulfill their not completely legal plans for the evening.

I’m very polite when I want things. I can schmooze it up. It helps that I have nice boobies that I’m not afraid to use. But I’ll throw in a few socially accepted terms there too. You know, like, ‘please’ and all that jazz.

See, my mom actually got through to me on that front. I get it. Not using my boobs to get things, but manners. I know when to use them and how to use them. I expect them from others when I am being polite to them. I know a few thank you’s will go a long way.

But folks, please…..the window for this manners learning has CLOSED. I am in my 20s. It’s done. I’ve learnt it. I’m set in my ways.

So PLEASE bugger off. I cannot stand it when people try to ‘teach me manners’. Here’s a useful tidbit: If I’m rude to you, it’s probably on purpose. You idiots. Please observe:

There’s this one client we have who tried to teach me ‘manners’. It didn’t work and now he hates me. Every time I’d pass him in the hall or he’d walk by me to get to the photocopier, I’d just keep doing my thing. You know, heading to the coffee machine, writing in my blog….working hard just in general. He found this offensive. The fact that I didn’t jump up and down and greet him with my marching band just didn’t sit right with him. So he’d always go, ‘HELLOOOO Ta-LEEEEE-a’ in this tone like, ‘See Talea? I’m forced to say hello because you didn’t acknowledge me even though you’ve seen me 8 times already today. If you’d just get some manners, I wouldn’t have to exacerbate myself like this you rude little bitch.’ You know, that tone.

He kept doing this for weeks. I never greeted him. I was busy (see above). Now, he ignores me and projects ‘cold shoulder’ vibes my way. I think he hopes it’s making my feelings all sad, but it’s really just making me happier. The less small talk, the better. Keep your mouth shut and move along my friend, we’ll all be happier.

Example 2: This morning I made my much anticipated return to work after my day off yesterday. A different client who is usually dry and witty (just like I like ’em) walked past and said, ‘Ohhhhh, welcome back! We missed your smiling face!’

Obviously I immediately went on the defensive because people every day bug me about not smiling enough. And frankly, it’s getting a little old. So I shot back in a very sarcastic way, ‘Yes, I’m sure everyone around here missed my contagious grins! I bet that was the general consensus, eh?’  Client guy got all offended. ‘Wha? Well! I was just trying to compliment you! I really DID miss you! When someone compliments you, you should just be grateful and accept the compliment!’ Then my boss piped in from across the hall with, ‘Yeah Talea! Be grateful! *cackle cackle* [she cackles a lot. it’s horrible]”

Um. Yeah……I know how to be nice and accept a compliment. But your thinly veiled jab at my facial expressions isn’t a compliment you asswipe. Shut up. If I want to accept your compliment, I will. If not, I will make a joke out of it. Stop trying to teach me to be polite. I am not a child. I am not your project. I am a grown up who can snark you out if she so pleases.

So to all those people who believe it is their duty to ‘raise me properly’ despite the fact that I’m a big girl: Please bugger off. Thank you.     (Did you catch that? The please and the thank you?? Yeah. Point Talea.)


Comments on: "Please bugger off. Thank you." (9)

  1. I think parents should teach their female children that using their chests to get what they want is the best method. You are doing the right thing. Keep it up.

    I try to do my best. You know.

  2. Did you like miss your morning coffee before you wrote this or did you run out of coupons? 😉 How can you have a boss that cackles? Is GreenMet your boss? (Oh I soooo did not say that….)

    She CACKLES! Right GreenMet?! And no, she’s not my boss. Technically, I am above her. I was her boss at our last job too. But it doesn’t really work like that. However, OUR boss cackles. It’s undefinable and horrible.

  3. greenmetropolis said:

    Yeah, Talea and I work together and are both subjected to constant cackling. Over terribly inappropriate things. Like bras, and the death of her husband. Shudder.

    She means our boss’s late husband. Not mine. I think that’s an important distinction….

  4. Haha… yeah that’s a fairly important distinction to make, especially if Talea’s other half is not aware of his apparent demise.

    So does that mean Green has to make you coffee and stuff and run to photcopier for you? I like that picture… so don’t spoil it.

    Am I like putting gasoline on the fire and making Toronto a no-go zone for myself?

    No way dude, I like you, and between GreenMet and I, I’m the harder one to get on the good side of. That sentence was terrible English. And Romi lives here too! Though I don’t know how she feels about you. It’s hard to get a straight answer out of that girl….

  5. I love this post because I have a hard time with people like that. We’re on the same page with the manners thing. I use my manners when I want to be nice to someone and I expect that person to be polite back. However – if I drop the manners, I’m doing it on purpose because for me to drop the manners, I am clearly dealing with a douchebag that I just don’t want to be nice to.

    That and small talk from almost strangers irritates me to no end.

  6. Paul, Toronto has BEEN a no-go for you since you started it with Romi, she’s my BFF you know. LOL i’ve got the gates guarded with your mug all over the place!

    Talea, Hey girlie! I so know what you mean. i have people i work with that will come to MY cubicle (i’m doing my thing minding my business) to tell me how rude I am for not going to THEIR cube and saying hi… uh, excuse the fuck out of me, what? well, so glad you got off your lazy ass to come tell me that. and hi to you too, jackoff.

    i wish i worked with you. we’d have SOOO much fun pissing people off!

  7. That’s why I don’t work in a fucking office. Fuck all that bull shit. No way I could deal with it. I’m a pretty easy to get along with dude, at least when I’m working, but when I get pissed off people in my Yard just leave me the fuck alone. That or try and piss me off more and laugh. It’s all dudes, that’s how we are. And we southern folks are fairly polite as well. (it’s mostly that eastern seaboard stretch between Canada and Dixie Land that’s full of obnoxious ass holes) But still, I will be an a-hole if the need arises. In a heart beat. Working construction will teach you how not to be a door mat. Sometimes you have to tell people to fuck off, in those exact words.

    In other blog related news, I promise never to care if you are smiling as long as you use your boobs to get what you want. I’ll do the smiling for both of us, how does that sound. (I know, I’m an ass hole and a perv. It’s hard to believe I’m not married yet) And I can see how it might be hard to get a straight answer out of Romi, she’s quite a character.

  8. Wow, I just came here to read about how you like to tell people to “bugger off”, but apparently “miss mysterios-o Romi” is the hot topic over here…well once again, it’s 1am (WAY past my bedtime) and I’m suffering from the usual insomnia..hence you MIGHT just get a straight-answer out of me, what with my wall down and all…


    Well yo: It’s true, I totally hang around in Toronto, and I am ALL ABOUT Talea and Greenie 🙂 (does that answer the question at hand? Yeah, I think so 😉 )

    Okay then.


    PS Josh: ME quite a character? I wouldn’t say that really; I’d like to be MORE of a character if anything; like a broadway-play character, with lots of costume-changes and a cool singing voice 🙂

    Alright then, all questions=addressed. Fabulous

    And about your post Talea (the main point of the visit): I think you should stop worrying about manners, and continue to use your boobs to acquire the things you need; have you ever tried using your boobs to get a free Second Cup Vanilla Bean latte? I’ve thought about doing that, but the people at the train station Second Cup are always sultry Latin chicks, and I don’t think they’re “into me”…

  9. sexualtrex said:

    Last weekend I went to the mall. Some dude got to the door before me and opened it. I probably wasn’t going to say thanks. I just didn’t feel like it. I was talking to my gf. Well, before I even got to the door, he goes “your welcome” under his breath. Instead of feeling guilty and saying thank you, I just looked at him and laughed. I wanted to punch him though.

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