When I was little, anytime I said almost anything, my mom would prompt me with, ‘And WHAT do you say?’ The answer was either, ‘please, thank you, no thank you, you’re welcome, nice to meet you’, etc, etc. It all depended on the situation you see.
I learned my lesson. I’m a polite girl when I need to be. I’m Canadian after all. I have to say sorry all damned day long. If someone punches me in the face, I have to say sorry for getting my face in their fist’s way. If someone asks me for pot and I have none (see previous post….) I have to say sorry cuz I can’t fulfill their not completely legal plans for the evening.
I’m very polite when I want things. I can schmooze it up. It helps that I have nice boobies that I’m not afraid to use. But I’ll throw in a few socially accepted terms there too. You know, like, ‘please’ and all that jazz.
See, my mom actually got through to me on that front. I get it. Not using my boobs to get things, but manners. I know when to use them and how to use them. I expect them from others when I am being polite to them. I know a few thank you’s will go a long way.
But folks, please…..the window for this manners learning has CLOSED. I am in my 20s. It’s done. I’ve learnt it. I’m set in my ways.
So PLEASE bugger off. I cannot stand it when people try to ‘teach me manners’. Here’s a useful tidbit: If I’m rude to you, it’s probably on purpose. You idiots. Please observe:
There’s this one client we have who tried to teach me ‘manners’. It didn’t work and now he hates me. Every time I’d pass him in the hall or he’d walk by me to get to the photocopier, I’d just keep doing my thing. You know, heading to the coffee machine, writing in my blog….working hard just in general. He found this offensive. The fact that I didn’t jump up and down and greet him with my marching band just didn’t sit right with him. So he’d always go, ‘HELLOOOO Ta-LEEEEE-a’ in this tone like, ‘See Talea? I’m forced to say hello because you didn’t acknowledge me even though you’ve seen me 8 times already today. If you’d just get some manners, I wouldn’t have to exacerbate myself like this you rude little bitch.’ You know, that tone.
He kept doing this for weeks. I never greeted him. I was busy (see above). Now, he ignores me and projects ‘cold shoulder’ vibes my way. I think he hopes it’s making my feelings all sad, but it’s really just making me happier. The less small talk, the better. Keep your mouth shut and move along my friend, we’ll all be happier.
Example 2: This morning I made my much anticipated return to work after my day off yesterday. A different client who is usually dry and witty (just like I like ’em) walked past and said, ‘Ohhhhh, welcome back! We missed your smiling face!’
Obviously I immediately went on the defensive because people every day bug me about not smiling enough. And frankly, it’s getting a little old. So I shot back in a very sarcastic way, ‘Yes, I’m sure everyone around here missed my contagious grins! I bet that was the general consensus, eh?’ Client guy got all offended. ‘Wha? Well! I was just trying to compliment you! I really DID miss you! When someone compliments you, you should just be grateful and accept the compliment!’ Then my boss piped in from across the hall with, ‘Yeah Talea! Be grateful! *cackle cackle* [she cackles a lot. it’s horrible]”
Um. Yeah……I know how to be nice and accept a compliment. But your thinly veiled jab at my facial expressions isn’t a compliment you asswipe. Shut up. If I want to accept your compliment, I will. If not, I will make a joke out of it. Stop trying to teach me to be polite. I am not a child. I am not your project. I am a grown up who can snark you out if she so pleases.
So to all those people who believe it is their duty to ‘raise me properly’ despite the fact that I’m a big girl: Please bugger off. Thank you. (Did you catch that? The please and the thank you?? Yeah. Point Talea.)