I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Dear War Dodgers:

Recently, there have been a few kids from the old U.S of A coming up here to good old Canadialand.

Now, one can hardly be surprised by that, as it is the home of: Beavers, maple syrup, me, toques, chesterfields, poutine, me, a lower drinking age, better beer, the list goes on and on people. Who wouldn’t want to come up to our Winter Wonderland?

But these young lads have come up for something different. They have come up to proudly proclaim to the world at large: “We are pussies! Big losers who seem to be proud of being such total pansy-asses!”

You see, these young boys fled the horrid dangers of America (?) and tried to claim fucking REFUGEE status in Canada, since they were enrolled in the army and didn’t ACTUALLY want to fulfill the duties that came along with that position. In short, they signed up to fight for their country, but when push came to shove, they chickened the fuck out.

So they came here and actually think they have ground to stand on!! HA! Let’s all point and laugh, shall we?

I have several problems with this, and shall proceed to mock them mercilessly. Onwards we go:

– The definition of ‘Refugee’ as according to the Canadian Immigration folks is: “refugees are persons who are outside the country of their nationality and have a well-founded fear of being persecuted.” These boys will not be persecuted. They will be asked to follow through on a promise that they made while of sound mind and fulfill their job duties. You don’t qualify……leave!

– They claim that they don’t want to take part in a war that is in their mind illegal and immoral. Um, last time I checked, you didn’t get to pick and choose your wars. Kind of like, I don’t get to pick and choose what stupid paperwork I have to do. Also, I didn’t know that thinking was part of the army requirements. I kind of thought that thinking was discouraged. It goes against the whole ‘command’ thing. Whatever, maybe I’m just an idiot, right?

– Grow a set, guys. Nobody forced you into the army. Times are not so dire that they’re doing drafts right now. You voluntarily enrolled. Oh, you thought it was just an easy way to get an education?? Well, guess what, now you get to pay for that education

– Get the hell out of my country you wankers! I do not want to support you in any way shape or form, since you are perfectly capable of doing so on your own, you just choose not to. I do not feel sorry for you.

– Oh, but guns are scarrrrry! The desert is hottttt! What do I do if I see Osama? I dont think camoflauge is really my ‘style’. SHUT UP! You whining pussies. You are what is wrong with the world today. Nobody follows through on anything and there’s no real men anymore dammit! What do you think you’re fighting for? A country that you have and a lifestyle that you lead, that people FOUGHT TO MAINTAIN. Ugh. I feel like smashing their heads into the sidewalk.

– Did you seriously think you had a shot at getting into Canada? As a refugee? Are you fucking kidding me? You dudes are retards.

These guys piss me off. It’s a pretty basic rule…..action = consequence. In this case, that can be translated as…..enrolling into army = possibility of going into war. Oh, you didn’t THINK it would happen? Again, please see above for the army doesn’t equal thinking argument.

Take some responsibility and follow through with your choices. These guys are probably some stupid ‘baby daddy’ losers too. ‘Well, I don’t know, I mean, is the link between sex and babies really solid? Shit, I didn’t know!’

My advice to these guys? Go home, serve your country for as long as you are told, then come back home. Sit in your house with oven mitts on your hands so you can’t touch anything, or worse, sign any contracts. Never make any promises. And don’t try to ever tell anybody your ‘war stories’. Because you don’t deserve the respect.

And BYYYYYYYY the way. I’m fully aware that this topic may piss some people off. Probably random people who somehow stumble onto the page, not my awesome followers and minions. Dear people who are planning to freak out in the comments about how fascist I am, and calling me names: go ahead. I don’t care. I don’t know you and you probably aren’t worth it. Just be aware that I”m not going to get baited into an argument with some left-wing pussy. My rebuttal will simply be ‘no’ or ‘you’re wrong’. It’s my blog. Don’t you have some protest to get to?

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Comments on: "Dear War Dodgers:" (19)

  1. No well said… really. You sign on the line, you do the time in my book.

    Back in the first Gulf War the British government appealed to its 40,000 volunteer reserve units for 1,500 volunteers to help bolster the military units already in Kuwait. They got 175. Guys willing to put on the uniform every weekend, pick up the pay checks, play toy soldier but not actually fight.

    I have my own opinion on the current Iraq war but damn right if you sign on the line, stop whining and get out and serve your time.

    I served my country “without fear or predujice” and with a bucket full of pride. But I never questioned what I was asked to do. That wasn’t what I signed up for.

    Really nice post.

    Thank you. I really have a problem with people ditching out on personal responsibilities, but still wanting something for it.

  2. I totally agree. Dodging the draft in the 60s was one thing, but this is just not right. If you make a clear choice to suck a free education from the army, you’ll have to go kill people in the desert. I do this line of reasoning with Richard, and fuck dude I just asked him about it, and he said they made the choice to go to war when they signed up for the army. How can he wrap his wee brain around that and these ‘grown men’ can’t? Arg. Excellent post!

    Because Richard has a head on his wee little shoulders. These men have no balls. But they have a sense of entitlement as well, which is a horrid combo. And thank you!

  3. rotgutmccoy said:

    No shit! I fucking hate pansy pussy bitch ass sackless girly men. Fuck them. Send them all back to America so we can throw them in military prison. Buch of no dick little bastards.

    I’m seriously considering joining the military. I am one of those patriotic American men who believe in a strong military and serving their country. I know Bush isn’t popular. I don’t care. I know the war in Iraq isn’t popular. I double don’t care. I respect every man and woman who actively serves our military, especially in combat. But those who run away from their responsibilities deserve every ounce of contempt and disdain that the world can muster. Grow a fucking cock you scared little bitches, and shut up your fucking whining before I do it for you. Dammit! That just pisses me off.

    PREcisely! Regardless of personal opinion on whether or not you guys should even BE over there, you just plain and simple ARE over there. And I really doubt that they signed up in 2000, before you guys got attacked. They joined the army while their country was IN an active war.
    If you want to be a pansy ass, that’s okay. Perhaps just don’t sign up for a job where balls are mandatory.

  4. Excellent post! the army guys over here would LOVE to go to war. all they get to do is have fake wars and build bridges.

    the army guys over here are arseholes.
    i dont no which is worse. army pansies or army arseholes..

    they shud just go back and fucken deal with it. no one made them sign up but now they have they must go through with it.

    Pansies are always worse. At least with assholes, you can just fight back. Pansies will just cry. And crybabies suck.

  5. I think it’s pretty pussy for someone who signed up to bail out. But I ain’t gonna lie, if the started a draft, I’m outtie 5000.

    Yes, well, I’d run like fuck if I got drafted too, but that’s cuz I’m a girl. I’m supposed to be in the kitchen or some such crap. But they WEREN’T drafted, which is my entire problem with them.

  6. Fuck-wits…Numb-nuts…Man-Girls…Free-Education-Money-Grubbing-Man-Whores…

    To all of them: “get the fuck away from our maple syrup!!!”

    Bitches.

    That’s all I can think of right now.

    Thanks.

    And all of our maple syrup paraphenalia!! The trees can only produce so much and these asswipes don’t deserve it!!!
    Good point as always, Romi…good point indeed.

  7. You really hit it with this post! I really think that they should be shipped off to the front lines now for making a bigger ass of themselves. I don’t want to go to war…I really don’t know anyone who does. But the fact of the matter is that they were given the choice to serve their country with pride and honor, now they have thrown that right out the window.
    I would like to personally thank these jerks for making the USA look like a bunch of wankers! Ship ‘em home and I’ll bitch slap ‘em (like they deserve) and ship them off to they war they signed up for.

    If you bitch slap them, please take a series of pictures or a video. Cuz I’d pay to see it.

  8. FUCK YES.

    I am surrounded by men and women every goddamn day who’ve fulfilled their commitments to the military, and do so proudly! These sackless fuckwads should be forced to look their fellow soldiers in the eye every day for the rest of their lives and repeat after me:
    “You are a better human than I will ever be. I am a sackless fuckwad who abandoned you, my family and my country. Please begin the beatings now.”

    Rock on Ali! I don’t know who you are, but I like your spirit! And your use of fuckwads twice in one comment! You’re welcome back here anytime!

  9. that fucking sucks, they’re acting like it’s vietnam and shit and we don’t even have the draft in effect.

    people like this are fucking assholes.

    that is all.

    Short and sweet. Like you. It is true. As I said above, people suck.

  10. Sorry about my little brother knocking on your door Talea. He doesn’t know how to read or write, and when he signed up to join the army, he thought he was signing to win a bunch of free encyclopedias (to give to me and to the church). I told him he could stay with you for awhile. He has a short history of violence, so I hope you’re not short, but otherwise, he’s a nice kid.

    Damned illiterate American kids! Don’t worry, I’m 5’10…..I’m not scared. Hehehe.

  11. greenmetropolis said:

    Well, I’m all about the right to dissent when you don’t agree with what your country is doing. Be that as it may, I do think that most people join the Army for the freebies, so I’m not going to really debate you here. Joining the army for freebies and then wussing out makes you an asshole. Also, as with any of our politically different viewpoints, there is no way either of us are going to convince the other.

    In fact, I really didn’t come on here to comment about this blog. I came on here to ask you wtf is up with your avatar? Talea, you don’t wear hats. Come on now.

    As I warned you, I will state it now: “You are wrong”
    Yes, you may dissent on what your country is doing. Agreed. But when you signed up for the fucking army during a time when your country is in an active war, you may not. You made a committment. Fulfill it.

    And dude, I don’t wear hats, I wear toques. Did you see my monkey toque I bought??! It was the closest thing the Avatar maker had to a toque that didn’t make me look like a douche.

  12. you’re 5’10”? That’s amazing…and I thought I was tall and cool at 5′ 7″..haha…I bet nobody ever fucks with you.

    I am. And I wear heels. They put me up around 5’11 and a bit. I don’t want to be that 6 foot tall freak. I just want to be the super hot tall girl. AND I look mad a lot! You’re right….people don’t fuck with me. Hehehe.

  13. greenmetropolis said:

    Okay, fine, MONKEY TOQUE!!!!

  14. rotgutmccoy said:

    So a toque is a beanie right? That would make sense since Toronto is somewhere near the arctic circle right? Over in Santa’s hood? (I’m joking, I realize Santa lives at least thirty minutes north of y’all)

    5’10” huh? For some reason tall chicks don’t scare me. Actually I think I have spent most of my life chasing women i saw as a challenge. Hmmm. Like the other day in court some chick about your height came in with stiletto heels on and the only thing I could think was, “Damn i want to climb that and see what’s on the top.” perhaps you should post a photo of yourself standing next to a normal sized woman so we can all see for ourselves whether you look scary as hell or not. I’m gonna vote in advance for no.

    I dont’ know. What the hell ass is a beanie??

  15. I don’t know Talea. I’m not a fan of the Bush administration policies and budgets on the war or on education. I’m for those people sticking it to the man and getting a free education, in fact those are just the type of people I’d like to see as future Canadian citizens.

    Cait, you’re wrong. Get off of my blog.

  16. rotgutmccoy said:

    A beanie is like a toboggan. It’s sort of like a sweater type material of some sort of knitted think shit. And they come in lots of shapes and styles, but they are for keeping your head warm when it gets cold. They stretch and whatnot. Hold on, check this out, it’s a beanie:

    Haha, dude, you do realize that a toboggan is generally a wood or plastic contraption that one sits on while they hurtle themselves down a snow covered hill, right? I think you meant to say ‘toque’. Beanie is an odd word. When I think beanie, I think of those four coloured hats with the little propellers on the top. Crazy Southeners.

  17. […] The world could do without: sissy girly men that shun responsibility. See here. By signing up for the army and running away to […]

  18. Totally Agree.

  19. No. Talea, a beanie/toboggan is a knit hat that keeps your noggin warm in the winter. A “wood or plastic contraption that one sits on while they hurtle themselves down a snow covered hill” is a sled. Crazy yankees.

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