I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

I ams what I ams.

So as we all know, I’m an unstoppable eating machine and I was just heading downstairs to the old food court to pick up some Talea fuel. I was marching along, doing my thing, when I thought I heard my name. Now, I don’t have a name like, ‘Jen’, that probably gets called out all the time to several different people, so I know when I hear my name, the person probably knows me. Especially if they pronounce it right (do not get me STARTED on the pronounciations I get).

I turned around to try and see who it was, turned the other way, and only noticed who it was when they waved. Directly in front of me. Like, two feet away. See, I’m stuck in my head a lot and really pay no attention to the minions milling about me during my daily excursions.

So I apologized (cuz I actually like this person) and said, ‘Yeah, I guess that’s why I get the ‘gee, that Talea girl sure is rude!’ thing a lot’. He stepped back and goes, ‘You’re not rude! You’re uh…….focused!’

Which kind of cracks me up. Cuz let’s just call a spade a spade……I’m rude. But I love it when people try and come up with other adjectives to describe me. I’ve gotten: focused, intense, extreme, hardcore, ‘a straight shooter’, direct, serious….a whole list of ’em. 

It’s as though people are scared to inform me of myself. They think I’m unaware of how I’m being perceived. I’m a smart cookie, I’m aware of my actions and the reactions of those around me. The thing they all seem to miss is: I DON’T CARE. I know I’m rude, and I’m okay with hearing it. It’s kind of like saying, ‘Gee Talea, you’re brunette’. Yeah, I know, thanks.

Here’s a few examples of just how unbelievably rude I can be (the first one even shocked me with its degree of total rudeness):

1) You need a bit of background info for this; our photocopier is a total piece of shit that throws a tantrum each day. We rely on it for 60 different companies on the floor, and I’m the one that takes the heat when it breaks down. Which is ALL the time.
So we had photocopy technician man come by on a Wednesday; he couldn’t fix it. He came back on Thursday; it beat him again. He showed up on Friday to try and make the damned thing work. When he finally did, he came up to me to explain what exactly had been wrong with the machine. I was already pissed, cuz the machine had been out of service and he’d been in my office clanging around with his plumber butt for half a week. So he comes up to me and goes, ‘Well,you see, the super roller was hitting the compressor dooby, and the intaker mechanism was rubbing the such and such and the paper sucker upper was……..’

I cut him off.

I put my hand up in between our faces, and made the universal hand motion for ‘blah blah blah’ (you know the one, how you make crude shadow puppets talk? Opening and closing your hand repeatedly, hitting your fingers against your thumb?). Yeah, so I blah blah blahed for a second, then I ACTUALLY said, “Yeah. Okay. It’s all Japanese to me, my friend.”

As I was saying it and flapping my hand in this dude’s face, I thought to myself, ‘Talea, what the HELL are you doing? You don’t do that! That is RUDE!’

The worst part? This dude was Korean. When I said ‘Japanese’ instead of the more commonly used ‘it’s all greek to me’, he gave me the weirdest look. I then realized what I’d done. Hahaha. He thought I was inferring that I couldn’t understand his accent. What I really didn’t understand was what he was talking about. But I ended up looking rude AND like an ignorant racist. Now, when I’m being racist, rest assured I’m at least informed about my skin deep judgement. I knew this guy was Korean. But he thought I thought he was Japanese. “Gahhh, they all look the same to me! Ahyuck!”

Ha, after he fixed the copier on Friday, it promptly crapped out again the following Monday. He returned on Tuesday to fix his shoddy job and I didn’t feel nearly as bad about being a rude ass bitch to him. Every time he talks to me, he’s very nice now. I think he’s freaked out by me.

2) Background for #2: Insert ‘phone system’ where ‘photocopier’ is in the above scenario. Our phones are SHIT. They are voip phones run by a horrid company who shall remain unnamed. Not for their sake, for mine.

So after weeks and weeks of the system shutting down and leaving the whole office incommunicado, the phone system just shut off once more one day. Luckily though, the phone tech guy happened to be here. I could hear all the clients swearing and marching towards me with pitchforks and flames. I leapt out of my chair and went to the service closet where I was greeted by Mr. Phone Tech’s ass.

“Hey!” I yelled. He backed out of the closet and looked at me like the crazy bitch I am. “The phones just died…….AGAIN!!! What did you DO in there?”
Mr. Phone Tech guy stands up and starts explaining to me about how he didn’t mean to and that what happened was, the cords were tangled and he had to get this and he had to and then…..
Me: “I don’t care. JUST FIX IT!!!!!”

He widened his eyes as in, ‘Shit, do I ever feel bad for whatever guy is stuck with you you crazy femnazi’, then got back to work.

Best part? My boss was right there and witnessed my total impatience for retarded Phone Tech. She said nothing, but laughed in his face. It was kind of awesome.

3) I’m totally rude in general public areas. I like to inform people of normal societal rules, which, though unwritten, shall be enforced with the fury of a Torontonian who’s just had a rough fucking day. I yell at people all the time. When I’m getting off the subway and they stand in front of the doors, not allowing me to get off, but also not allowing them to get on, I’m fond of loudly asking, ‘How the hell am I supposed to get off if you’re all STANDING there? Maybe that’s how it works where you’re from, but not here….MOVE!’  The same applies to those people who walk on the left side of the street. You’ll often here me scream, ‘We walk on the RIGHT in Canada!’ to tourists or people who have moved to Canada just last week.

Rude? Um, yes. It is. I know. But somehow has to keep people on the straight and narrow. Do your job, don’t make excuses and follow the rules!

If it makes me rude, it’s okay. I like me. I’ve found a few others who like me too. I’m just making up for all those people too ‘nice’ to speak their mind.

Nice never got anybody anywhere. Bring on the bitchiness! And though I may be intense, direct and serious, do NOT forget to include ‘rude’ when describing the blog you’ve just read in disbelief to your real world friends.


Comments on: "I ams what I ams." (7)

  1. greenmetropolis said:

    I’m with you all the way, bitch 😀

    ex: “OR, you could be less of a JACKASS and actually MOVE your purse so that someone ELSE can sit down.”

    Thank you. And AS I TYPE THIS, the photocopier is JAMMING itself once more. Ahhhh, the comfort of the everyday.

  2. haha. I love rude girls. I don’t know why. It is kind of cute.. but that story is pretty funny. the korean guy probably didn’t even understand the expression. so he probably took it literally. haha. I guess thats what he gets for being korean.

    It’s called spunk, or also known as ‘feisty’. I get that sometimes too, along with ‘intense’ and ‘bat shit crazy’.
    And that’s what he gets for being a total boob, man. Seriously, four days to fix it and it breaks the next work day? Not cool.

  3. rotgutmccoy said:

    I think if I had grown up a city yankee I would be a total bitch like you. (no offense) But I guess all that polite civility and southern hospitality stops me. Don’t get me wrong, I will flip the fuck out on someone if they actually deserve it. But I am nice to the blue collar workers i come across. I’ve been that guy who’s trying to fix something really hard, and having some rich white collar bitch cuss me out because she was slightly inconvenienced, and I have to tell you, it was very offensive.

    I always help the water guy bring in our water. I say hi to the mailman. I wave at the trash men when I see them. Maybe Mr. Korea took a long time to fix the machine because it’s really complicated and a total piece of shit. I mean, you did say the thing breaks all the time, and it is all Japanese to you after all. Those fuckers are probably really hard to fix. Maybe you should make yourself some fried chicken and biscuits and have a big ol’ chill-the-fuck-out session. That’s just me.

    Oh Josh….. First, I did not grow up a city yankee. I in fact grew up in Canada’s equivalent to the South (read: behind the times by twenty years, overly polite, and where holding ones tongue is expected), in Saskatchewan. I love Saskatchewan. I love the simplicity, the politeness, the kind manner in which people treat each other. I’m not actually a bad person. But that doesn’t work so well in a city of 5 million. If you hold your tongue here, you get walked on, pushed out of the way and ignored.
    If someone needs help, I will help them. However, my attacks were not unprovoked. See Greenie’s comment below. I have no patience for ineptness or excuses when they are unwarranted. And I’d put up with it for months by then.
    And I’m not rich. Oh no. And I’ve worked both blue collar and white collar jobs. I actually preferred my blue collar ones, and I didn’t freak because I thought I was better than a service worker. Those guys are skilled, whereas I sit at a computer all day. I freaked because they were idiots and because I had to be the voice for the 60 other companies that I am the representative for.
    If fried chicken was enough to fix my world and get things done, I assure you, I’d be 800 pounds of happiness.

  4. Haha…you’re hilarious and scary…yeah, I’m gonna call you scary as an appropriate adjective 🙂

    I love how you yell at people on the subway; you make up for all my “pushover-I’m too afraid to say that so I will say it in my head” personality (which is weird, ’cause I’m kind of a bitch to people I know, but kind of a scared-little-girl towards strangers..)

    PS: I was at HMV the other day, and one of the male employees totally had “plumber butt”; I was so shocked and appalled; seriously, I do not approve of “plumber”-butt crossing over into the “customer service associate” profession; that is not acceptable–“tuck-in your fucking HMV t-shirt, ass-whore!!” (that=the thing I wanted to say but was too afraid to say it..)

    Aha, scary. I love it. And that’s just my point! Everyone on the subway is thinking it, but nobody’s saying it! Society will fall apart if these things are allowed to happen. I’m merely keeping social order in place!! I should get a medal.
    And I love the term ass-whore. I’m going to steal it.

  5. Um, Josh? Love you and all, but the two jackasses Talea bitched out had it coming. If I were able to tell people off for not doing what they are getting paid to do and wasting time trying to explain their ineptness with the same splendour and glory that Talea is able….well, I’d be a happier person, let me tell you that. And then I wouldn’t be so sassy on my blog and leave pleasure bruises on everyones sassed faces. And then my blog would just suck. So let’s leave the snarkiness to Talea. This is why I lub her so.

    Amen, angry friend!!

  6. they could just refer to you as Bleh Talea, and that wouldn’t be no fun. Being rude is fun. Great big fun.

  7. Does anyone ever give you a taste of your own medicine? If they do, how do you respond?

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