Hello. Welcome to my latest, and most helpful tutorial. I’m a bigwig here at work, and I’m in charge of taking people’s money and making sure they pay us for things like rent, etc.
I’ve heard all kinds of excuses as to why things aren’t paid, why they’re late, why they don’t feel the charges are justified, blah blah blah.
I don’t care why you pay me late. I really don’t. Hell, I don’t even care if you pay late at all. Doesn’t affect me at all. It just makes us more free money by allowing me to tack on a late fee. Talk away, that late fee is NOT getting credited suckers.
It seems my clients have serious difficulties with understanding the concept of a DUE date. So that I can spare all my bloggy friends the shame and humiliation that comes with making up the lamest excuses ever when they pay things past this mysterious DUE date, I will define it for you:
A DUE date is when your payment (money you owe to someone, in exchange for them providing you with various goods and/or services….generally taken in credit, cash or cheque form, though some venues may accept sexual favours………I do not, however) is due to a vendor/supplier. This transaction occurs with both sides entering into it willingly (usually, I’m not getting into ransom and shit, that’s just messy), and both parties benefit. Payer gets something, payee gets money. You know.
Let’s go through an example. Say little Johnny rents an office. He has signed an agreement with the landlord to pay the office rent and any other fees he may rack up. Little Johnny gets an invoice in his mail on oh, the 13th. The invoice says: DUE DATE DEC 1, 2007. Now…..when is Johnny’s payment expected to be there? Think hard. That’s right. Before or on December 1, 2007. Johnny has been given ample time to take the 33 seconds to write out a cheque.
Generally, after a DUE date has passed, one is subject to late fees/penalties/interest charges. This is a tactic used for decades, so as to encourage patrons to pay their damned invoices on time, and to keep the accounting department happy and quiet. I promise, this is a common practice. Some companies you may have heard of do this; for example, VISA, Bell, Rogers, etc. Coincidentally, we do it too.
So why is it that people who have presumably been paying invoices for most of their life, seem SO STUNNED when they get hit with late fees??
“What?? Nobody TOLD me I had to pay on time!”
“Huh? But, I never pay on time and it’s never been a problem!”
“You didn’t give me enough notice that it had to be paid on time!”
“What memo? You sent out a memo? I’m supposed to READ those?”
“Oh, like, you’ll seriously charge me late fees if I pay five days late?”
“The cheque is in my drawer. I’m just not paying to spite you……what? You’ll still charge me late fees? But I’ve already wrote it! Trust me!”
“No. You are wrong. I did pay you. I don’t know why there’s no bank record of the payment…..”
“Well, yeah, I saw the due date, but……*mumble mumble fading away* Do you really have to charge me late fees?”
“I won’t pay. What do you mean you’ll lock me out? You can’t do that! What do you mean it’s in my lease? Let me see that! That’s not my signature! “*Looking around all shifty-eyed, indicating it is indeed their signature*
“I KNOW I signed a lease. But I just don’t feel like staying. What do you mean there’s a penalty for that??”
And folks, the best one EVER, I got yesterday. Someone came in to pay their invoice 4 days late. He was mad, cuz there were late fees on the invoice from last month, since he paid 2 weeks late. I was explaining to him exactly what I’ve outlined above. And in just as condescending a manner, as well. He goes to me:
“I couldn’t pay this on time. I had a cold sore yesterday.”
I’ll wait for you to stop laughing hysterically and/or close your mouths after your jaws dropped open.
I was taken aback. I think I actually laughed in his face. Then I mockingly asked if he’s ever called VISA and asked for his interest to be reversed because he stubbed his toe earlier in the week. He didn’t appreciate that.
Lesson?? If you want to avoid late fees, pay before or on the due date. It is THAT simple my friends. And if you want to try and plead your case, at least make your injuries and illnesses gory. Cold sores aren’t going to cut it. They will only cause the accountant to laugh and back away, so as not to be infected with your grossness and/or stupidity.