I haven’t fallen off the earth. I promise. I’ve fallen into the mess that is my workload right now. And I hate it. Ugh.
So has anybody else seen this commercial of Fisher Prices? You get the kid to sit on this little stationary bike in front of the TV, where you have the little Fisher Price game console plugged in. In order for the fun little game full of shapes and colours to play, the kid has to pedal the bike or else they can’t play.
What has happened to our kids?? First off, this is going to create two distinct streams of children. The first will be fit and intelligent, due to the spinning and educational video game fun. The second will be fat and dumb, supposedly because they haven’t been able to play their fun exercise-fuelled video games.
Survival of the fittest is now applicable to even younger ages, kids! You’d better pedal and learn, or you’re totally gonna be the dumb fattie who eats lunch by themselves at the corner table and then spends the rest of lunch hour hanging out in the bathroom. You can’t even hang out with the chess club nerds…..they’re smart. You were too busy eating fudge and picking your nose as a toddler to get the brains to understand the difference between a pawn and a rook. Tsk, tsk.
And whatever happened to kids going outside? You know, the place where there’s no computers? No TV’s? No cell phones (in theory)? No video games? Nothing but space and some dirt. Whenever we were driving the parents insane, we promptly got shown the back door and heard the ‘click’ of the deadbolt being turned. So we could either sit there and do nothing, or start playing with some sticks or something. Sticks it was! Running around and trying to poke each others eyes out became the game du jour. One day, my dad kicked us out and we found the lawn darts. Ha. Hahahha. My brother threw one high into the air, unbeknownst to me, and it landed directly on the top of my skull. Blood ensued, but I was okay. My skull is pretty hard, probably due to when my dad dropped me on my head as an infant on the frozen concrete. Oh Daddy dearest. Hehe. We’d round up the other kids and play a game of ball or basketball or go ride our bikes or just run around like the idiots we were.
Kids nowadays don’t go outside cuz there’s scary germs and bacteria out there (it’s called an IMMUNE system, you overbearing freaks of parents!). They’re addicted to TV and the internet and video games. They get shuttled back and forth to school in mini vans. I walked, biked or took the damned bus. A ride was SO out of the question.
So we have to entice them to get off their asses by bribing them?! You can only play this fun game if you burn some calories, Timmy! It kind of disgusts me. Geez. I feel sorry for these kids, too. Remember all the fun you had daring your little brother to eat grasshoppers? No? That was just us prairie kids? Hmmmm. I’ll take your word for it.
Anyways, I digress. Back to my original point. I know some of my readers have kids. Please, for the good of humanity and balance in the world (you know, my previous smart/skinny vs. fat/dumb argument), please don’t buy this thing for your kid. Do something wild and crazy like, go for a bike ride or read a book with them. I know, it’s kind of old fashioned, but…..it just might work.