I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

I haven’t fallen off the earth. I promise. I’ve fallen into the mess that is my workload right now. And I hate it. Ugh.

So has anybody else seen this commercial of Fisher Prices? You get the kid to sit on this little stationary bike in front of the TV, where you have the little Fisher Price game console plugged in. In order for the fun little game full of shapes and colours to play, the kid has to pedal the bike or else they can’t play.

What has happened to our kids?? First off, this is going to create two distinct streams of children. The first will be fit and intelligent, due to the spinning and educational video game fun. The second will be fat and dumb, supposedly because they haven’t been able to play their fun exercise-fuelled video games.

Survival of the fittest is now applicable to even younger ages, kids! You’d better pedal and learn, or you’re totally gonna be the dumb fattie who eats lunch by themselves at the corner table and then spends the rest of lunch hour hanging out in the bathroom. You can’t even hang out with the chess club nerds…..they’re smart. You were too busy eating fudge and picking your nose as a toddler to get the brains to understand the difference between a pawn and a rook. Tsk, tsk.

And whatever happened to kids going outside? You know, the place where there’s no computers? No TV’s? No cell phones (in theory)? No video games? Nothing but space and some dirt. Whenever we were driving the parents insane, we promptly got shown the back door and heard the ‘click’ of the deadbolt being turned. So we could either sit there and do nothing, or start playing with some sticks or something. Sticks it was! Running around and trying to poke each others eyes out became the game du jour. One day, my dad kicked us out and we found the lawn darts. Ha. Hahahha. My brother threw one high into the air, unbeknownst to me, and it landed directly on the top of my skull. Blood ensued, but I was okay. My skull is pretty hard, probably due to when my dad dropped me on my head as an infant on the frozen concrete. Oh Daddy dearest. Hehe. We’d round up the other kids and play a game of ball or basketball or go ride our bikes or just run around like the idiots we were.

Kids nowadays don’t go outside cuz there’s scary germs and bacteria out there (it’s called an IMMUNE system, you overbearing freaks of parents!). They’re addicted to TV and the internet and video games. They get shuttled back and forth to school in mini vans. I walked, biked or took the damned bus. A ride was SO out of the question.

So we have to entice them to get off their asses by bribing them?! You can only play this fun game if you burn some calories, Timmy! It kind of disgusts me. Geez. I feel sorry for these kids, too. Remember all the fun you had daring your little brother to eat grasshoppers? No? That was just us prairie kids? Hmmmm. I’ll take your word for it.

Anyways, I digress. Back to my original point. I know some of my readers have kids. Please, for the good of humanity and balance in the world (you know, my previous smart/skinny vs. fat/dumb argument), please don’t buy this thing for your kid. Do something wild and crazy like, go for a bike ride or read a book with them. I know, it’s kind of old fashioned, but…..it just might work.

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Comments on: "What are we doing to kids nowadays?" (8)

  1. Ya know, my kid would totally dig something like that, but I assure you that I wont get it for her, and I’ll tell her “because Talea said so dammit!”

    No really, I haven’t seen a commercial yet, and Im glad I havent. Im with you, send ’em outside .. get them dirty and sweaty and covered in mud (she absolutely looooves making dirt/mud pies) and then nestle down with ’em and a good book and spend hours with the kid and an imagination. (Well, after a shower and all, you gotta get the mud outta their butt crack first).

    THAT, my friend, is what I call fun. .. the book reading, not the mud filled butt crack.

    Ohhhh jeeezus shit, I’ve just confused myself!

  2. sexualtrex said:

    Or if you don’t want your kid to be a fat slob, watch what you buy for them and help them put in their mouth. Being a parent is easy. You control EVERYTHING. If your kid is a fuck up, it’s all your fault. Here are a few easy tips to follow for good parenting:

    Don’t feed your kids endless Happy Meals.
    Make them play outside.
    Sign them up for sports.
    Tell them no.
    Don’t treat your kid like an equal. They’re not. They are stupid and need guidance.

    That’s just a few. Now go, change your ways.

  3. greenmetropolis said:

    I think Maytina should write a book on how to be a parent. Seriously, she sweeps a grape into the dustpan, Woogs immediately swipes it and stuffs it in her face. May’s response is “immunesystemimmunesystemimmunesystem! woogs, gross!” Awesome.

  4. soverydomestic said:

    I was just about to tell that story when I scrolled down and saw that Auntie Em has already told it! I love it.

    Damn straight I’m NOT getting my kids shit like that bike computer game thing.

    In this house is works something like this. Spring/Summer/Most of Fall – play outside with the few kids that are worthy of your company on our street, please don’t play with the wiener children, that shit is contagious.
    Winter = work on your coding skills and dream up some sites that don’t exist yet and make stuff! So far Richard is big on stop motion animation, getting dirty and pretending his little sister is a monster that must be stopped. Since she’s a toddler, he’s not that far off.

    sexualtrex is right. If your kids are fucked up it’s the parents fault, so get off your asses and help your kids be awesome!

  5. I remember playing outside till the lights came on and then you knew you had to be inside, bike races, attaching my “jam box” to my bicycle and pretending it was a car, then when I was in jr. high singing Lisa Lisa songs while riding home. Those were the good ol’ days…

  6. […] Posted on December 12, 2007 by Red So after posting a comment on this post, it made me think back to summer and all the fun that BabyDoll and her imagination have. She’s […]

  7. Great post! I don’t have kids but that is how I grew up and I can see the trend towards kids being more couch potatoes than anything else and doing solitary things way too much – computers, iPods, video games, etc. They need to be involved in the outdoors, running and jumping and playing with other kids. All that other stuff can be done at night, indoors when winding down for the night. Anyway, Red linked to you so I had to check it out cuz she is awesome. And I’m glad I followed the link. 😉

  8. My cute little nephews are all about outside time. The whole riding the stationary bike will not go over well with them.

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