I had an idea this morning. No really. Hold your laughter.
As I was half-stumbling to the subway station, I was looking at my watch and trying to decide if I had time to pop into the Starbucks that’s on the way. Unfortunately the way it’s set up, I can’t see if there’s a big lineup or not when I walk by. So I didn’t want to go in, get all sucked in by the aromas of coffee goodness and then have to wait it out while 13 other people demanded their coffees. I walked on by. It was really too bad since I really needed a coffee, cuz I might have been still slightly tipsy from last nights red wine shennanigans. Who knows, I’m just saying is all.
I really like to have my coffee in the mornings. I’m a bit of a coffee conniseur. Not like, hardcore, obviously cuz I go to Tim Horton’s (though NOT the one at University & College! That shit is still on!!), but I like it. I like to savour it. I like to smell it. I like to add cinnamon to it. I like to treat myself to fun fancy lattes and mochas and tigers and bears oh my.
The problem is, without my coffee, I’m slow in the morning. So I’m ALWAYS late leaving my house to get to work. Leaving me no time to get the much needed coffee. I think that’s what the brainy kids call a ‘negative feedback’ cycle or some such nonsense.
Then it hit me. The TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) is ALLLLLLWAYS complaining about not having enough money. And I’m always complaining about not being awake and needing another coffee. And I had my most brilliantest idea yet.
Hey! TTC Bigwigs! Listen up dudes, I’m about to solve your economic woes!!!
They should have people selling coffee ON the subway cars. Or on the platforms. Mayhaps the platforms would be slightly safer. Now, hear me out.
They could give you just a straight old cup o’ joe for a slightly higher than usual price. After all, you’re paying for the convenience of not having to veer from your morning path in search of caffeine. Understandably, people will be bleary eyed and thick tongued and all fumbling around. So instead of trying to find a loonie and some change (a loonie is what us wacky Canucks call our one dollar coin…….the two dollar coin? it’s a toonie. Yeahhhhh), you can just SWIPE YOUR METROPASS!!!! Fucking genius! Imagine that! You get down to the platform, all angry at being awake, track down whatever bonehead they’ve hired to sell coffee to commuters and you dont’ even have to pay the bitch. Just swipe and go.
People would happily sit and sip their coffees, exchanging heartwarming tales with one another over a cup, talking like they’ve known each other for years. Less yelling would ensue. Maybe even less shoving. People could get to work already awake and happier about it. Note that I did not say happy. I’m not dumb.
‘But Talea, after you swipe the metropass, then what happens? I mean, you’ve already paid for the pass, but what of the coffees?! Your plan is giving me anxiety! I don’t understand!!”
Well, my children. It’s simple.
When you go to get your next month’s metropass, you hand them the old one. They scan it, and poof, you pay your balance! With no stupid ass excuses on why you can’t pay on time either (hmmm? hmmm?) Voila.
I know, I know, there’s some flaws with it. What if you don’t buy a metropass the next month? Then you’ve just stolen tons of coffee! What if you don’t buy a metropass at all?
Look, I’m just the ideas girl. It’s someone elses problem to put this shit into practice. I can’t do it all! Stop yelling at me!
But, sweet idea, yes?