I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

I had an idea this morning. No really. Hold your laughter.

As I was half-stumbling to the subway station, I was looking at my watch and trying to decide if I had time to pop into the Starbucks that’s on the way. Unfortunately the way it’s set up, I can’t see if there’s a big lineup or not when I walk by. So I didn’t want to go in, get all sucked in by the aromas of coffee goodness and then have to wait it out while 13 other people demanded their coffees. I walked on by. It was really too bad since I really needed a coffee, cuz I might have been still slightly tipsy from last nights red wine shennanigans. Who knows, I’m just saying is all.

I really like to have my coffee in the mornings. I’m a bit of a coffee conniseur. Not like, hardcore, obviously cuz I go to Tim Horton’s (though NOT the one at University & College! That shit is still on!!), but I like it. I like to savour it. I like to smell it. I like to add cinnamon to it. I like to treat myself to fun fancy lattes and mochas and tigers and bears oh my.

The problem is, without my coffee, I’m slow in the morning. So I’m ALWAYS late leaving my house to get to work. Leaving me no time to get the much needed coffee. I think that’s what the brainy kids call a ‘negative feedback’ cycle or some such nonsense.

Then it hit me. The TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) is ALLLLLLWAYS complaining about not having enough money. And I’m always complaining about not being awake and needing another coffee. And I had my most brilliantest idea yet.

Hey! TTC Bigwigs! Listen up dudes, I’m about to solve your economic woes!!!

They should have people selling coffee ON the subway cars. Or on the platforms. Mayhaps the platforms would be slightly safer. Now, hear me out.

They could give you just a straight old cup o’ joe for a slightly higher than usual price. After all, you’re paying for the convenience of not having to veer from your morning path in search of caffeine. Understandably, people will be bleary eyed and thick tongued and all fumbling around. So instead of trying to find a loonie and some change (a loonie is what us wacky Canucks call our one dollar coin…….the two dollar coin? it’s a toonie. Yeahhhhh), you can just SWIPE YOUR METROPASS!!!! Fucking genius! Imagine that! You get down to the platform, all angry at being awake, track down whatever bonehead they’ve hired to sell coffee to commuters and you dont’ even have to pay the bitch. Just swipe and go.

People would happily sit and sip their coffees, exchanging heartwarming tales with one another over a cup, talking like they’ve known each other for years. Less yelling would ensue. Maybe even less shoving. People could get to work already awake and happier about it. Note that I did not say happy. I’m not dumb.

‘But Talea, after you swipe the metropass, then what happens? I mean, you’ve already paid for the pass, but what of the coffees?! Your plan is giving me anxiety! I don’t understand!!”

Well, my children. It’s simple.

When you go to get your next month’s metropass, you hand them the old one. They scan it, and poof, you pay your balance! With no stupid ass excuses on why you can’t pay on time either (hmmm? hmmm?) Voila.

I know, I know, there’s some flaws with it. What if you don’t buy a metropass the next month? Then you’ve just stolen tons of coffee! What if you don’t buy a metropass at all?

Look, I’m just the ideas girl. It’s someone elses problem to put this shit into practice. I can’t do it all! Stop yelling at me!

But, sweet idea, yes?


Comments on: "My brilliantest idea yet! Coffee + Subway = Good!" (8)

  1. greenmetropolis said:

    Talea, while this is a great idea and all, I just wanted to remind you that when red wine or any alcomahols are in question, the term is Shennanigandery. Just saying is all…

    Always with the criticism! Geez Em!

  2. I love it…but the subway is a long way for me to go get my coffee.

    Oh wait I know…lets just sleep in and forget work and the coffee.

    I’m all for it!

  3. That is a pretty bad ass idea. I have to say, quite a gem. So if you love coffee so much, how come you don’t just put a coffee pot on your desk? That way you can brew your own pot every morning. I mean I don’t know if you actually drink a pot’s worth every morning. But I do, and if there wasn’t a coffee pot at work, things would not be good for my employers. I don’t do jack shit till I get my first mug or two down the hatch. And I’m the one who brews it up every morning, because apparently other people can function at the butt crack of dawn without their precious caffeine. God damned morning people.

    I get free, yummy coffee at work. But the thing is, I have a 45 min subway commute. It’s a bitch, cuz it rocks back and forth, and it’s a constant noise and it’s dark, which makes it impossible to stay awake.
    I hate morning people. I constantly inform people that I’m not really there until 11 AM, even though I show up at 8:45. I tell them to come back at 11, when I’m up.

  4. okay, okay, I’ll stop yelling at you ideas girl! 😉

    Seriously, this kicks ass; I am a ZOMBIE when I’m on the subway; do you know last month I fell asleep, missed my stop, and then had to get out and turn right around and go back on the other car? WHAT A LOSER!! And of course instead of brushing the incident off and maintaining my professionalism, I got to work and told everyone (including my boss), ’cause I’m an attention-whore like that..hehe..

    Yeah, that’s right, get that bonehead to bring me a cup ‘o joe!!!


    Wouldn’t you pay for it? Of course! We’ve ALL missed our stop! I would happily fork over my metropass to get me some coffee, overpriced or not, since it’ll save me precious morning time.

  5. I never ride a subway or take public transportation, but that’s a damn good idea. I like it.

    Well, I dont know where you live, but in Toronto, it’s mighty cool to take the TTC. It’s like, bragging rights. You can laugh at fools who don’t live near the subway line and have to stupidly get in their car, which will take them nowhere fast in the horrible traffic here.
    It IS a good idea, no?

  6. that is a damn good idea. you should pitch it and you can become rich. what are you waiting for???

    Sigh. I’m so fucking lazy, I’m scamming myself out of thousands of dollars, aren’t I?

  7. lonelygurl21 said:

    ohhhhhhhhhhh…. i thought you meant like coffee and subway as in the foot long sandwhichs lol…


    good idea though i need coffee in the morning otherwise the whole day is down hill.

    Hehe. After I posted it, I thought ‘everyone’s gonna think i’m talking about sandwiches’. Oh well. Good idea nonetheless.

  8. I love your idea. I have a ton of those ideas as well and it bums me out because nobody is paying me for them. 😉

    I very rarely have ideas. And when I do, I’m too lazy to do anything with them except post them here.

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