I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Universal Truth #28

Ladies, if you leave your purse on the counter of a public washroom while you go to do your business, it should not be considered theft is someone raids it.

Just a few moments ago, I went to go and do my thing in the washroom that this whole floor shares. By definition, it is therefore, a public washroom. I walked in and on the counter to my right, a good 10 feet away from any stalls was a purse. It was sitting there, WIDE open. Immediately on the top was a very snazzy cell phone and a wallet.

Unattended purse? You deserve to be stolen from. She's smart, she's got the phone and the cash.

If I was not as good a person as I am, I would have grabbed them, said to hell with going to the bathroom and run back to my office where I would hide my loot until I could go home, sell shit and use the VISA card to provide the best Christmas ever for my friends and selected family members.

They have hooks on the back of bathroom doors specifically to prevent bathroom thievery. Take advantage of these, lest you be taken advantage of yourself!

So, in conclusion to what must be my shortest blog post ever: Universal Truth #28: If you leave your purse unattended and wide open in a public spot where there is absolutely no need to do so, it should be considered one’s civic duty to steal it. You are dumb and need to be taught a lesson. Sometimes, lessons hurt.


Comments on: "Universal Truth #28" (7)

  1. greenmetropolis said:

    You totally stole the term ‘civic duty’ from me. Seriously, same thing in public coat rooms. You remember our previous place of employment? Hmmmmm? Do you know how many bus tickets I stole, how many packs of cigarettes replaced with a note saying ‘ur a dumbass for leaving smokes in ur pocket’? If I were able to drive, do you know how many cars would be opened, having been left unlocked, hotwired, and moved all of ten feet away just to freak the shit out of someone? It is indeed a duty. Shame on you for not at least rearranging the contents of her purse to mess with her head.

    I totally did steal it from you. I was going to mention it, but then I thought ‘it’s my blog and I don’t want any of the attention going to anyone else’, plus I knew you’d mention it straight off in the comments.
    I remember stealing smokes from their pockets with you! Hahahaha….suckers.
    And I’m a failure at being a badass for not rearranging the contents…..noted for next time.

  2. soverydomestic said:

    Ok so, I totally agree, but I also think, nay, I know that those hooks are for thieves as well.

    Think about it, you’re sitting there peeing, someone reaches over, grabs your purse and you’re sitting there behind a locked door with your pants down!

    Indeed, I first heard about this years ago on Oprah. But really, at least you’re trying to protect yourself. If you leave it out in the open, you totally have no right to be pissed. You were dumb. Accept it. It’s like complaining about politicians if you don’t vote……just shush up.

  3. we dont have hooks on bathroom doors. i hate having to put my bag between my legs (on the floor) while i pee coz basically anywhere else in the cubical is fair game 4 someone to knick it while im busy peeing. think of all the germs and urine on the fiucking floor. and then what do you do with it while your washing your hands? the bench is usually covered in water and soap plus god knows what.

    which is why i usually pee b4 i leave the house and then hold off peeing til i get home. its just too stressful.

    You’d think that they could put a few hooks up there in Kiwi Land. Who knew? That is kind of grody. But I am a pee-a-holic, so not peeing for the whole day simply isn’t an option for me.

  4. I usually just store my tampons in my socks so as to avoid carrying a purse…

    Smart man, smart man. Clearly us girls aren’t as resourceful….

  5. I agree, people that stupid should be taught a lesson.

    I was going to make the same point as soverydomestic. My friend’s grandma pointed that out to us years ago. Someone could very easily reach over, grab your purse, and be out the door before you stop mid-stream and get your pants up.

    Indeed they could. But the point of this particular blog was that if you are stupid enough to leave it in the open, you deserve it. If you take it to the stall and someone grabs it and you’re all ‘Ah! I’m still peeing!’ then you certainly do not deserve it and you should run after the bitch and pull her hair. 🙂

  6. I agree…why would you leave your purse on the sink as if you own the bathroom….I bet she was panicking when she heard someone walk in.

    I hope so! I should have jangled it around a bit to give her the ol’ heart attack.

  7. I always steal the purses I find on the counter, and I’ve never even lost a wink of sleep over it 😉

    I salute you, Romi. All your finds are totally deserved! hehehe.

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