Oh body, why can’t we be friends? Look, I don’t know what I did to piss you off so much, but can’t we just talk about it like the grownups we are?
You’ve taken me hostage and I’m ready to give up. I’m done. You can claim victory on this one, alright? I’ll totally give you this win if you’ll just give me back my hearing.
Honestly, you’ve stripped me of my hearing in my right ear at all times and my left ear is iffy at best. I can’t stop blowing my nose and now the skin is all raw and icky. You’ve developed a nice little cough in my lungs that has kept me awake for two nights now, along with the boyfriend (who is less than impressed). My head feels like it’s going to explode at any minute, and on the plane ride back, I was seriously wondering if it was possible. I felt bad for the flight attendant who would have to clean up my mess of a blown up head.
And for what? Why are you doing this to me? I’m good to you body, I really am. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you up in pretty little things, I even take you out for a walk every once in a while. We work out together, dance around to bad music when nobody is around, I give you plenty of sleep. I even exfoliate! What more do you want?!
Please, tell me. This pain in my head is getting to be too damned much for me. I know you started this retaliation on Christmas Eve, maybe to tell me that I shouldn’t have gone home. But we’re back in Toronto now, can’t you give it up? I learnt my lesson! We won’t go next year, I swear. Next year, we’ll stay in hogtown and drink it up with friends, alright?
I’ve done everything that’s appeased you before….I’ve taken a lot of naps to give you time to rest, I’m drinking tea like nobody’s business (or like Romi, for that matter….hey Romi, did ya like that? huh? huh?), I’m drinking lots of orange juice, I didn’t go to work today and I left early yesterday. I’m done. Out of ideas.
Please body, let’s just be friends again, okay? If you let me hear out of my right ear and stop this insane pressure in my head (particularly behind the eyes and in the forehead), I’ll do something special for you, okay? I dont know what yet, cuz I can’t think with all this damned pain, but….please?
Though I do like my raspy new voice, courtesy of this little cold here. Can we keep that?