I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

I really take issue with this rampant anti-germ perspective that we seem to be stuck in.

Every time I turn around, I’m watching a commercial showing a mother with perfect hair and just-not-mom-enough clothing looking at her spawn with disgust as they enter her fortress of a suburban home….bringing with them STUFF FROM OUTSIDE!


Oh dear Jeebus, save us all, little Jimmy has touched STUFF OUTSIDE! Hose him down with Clorox! Burn off the outer layer of his young supple flesh! Freak out in all ways possible! Everyone knows that outside = plague, right?

I seriously hate this. I hate that these idiot mothers buy into this idea that they must have incredibly sterile, germless homes and that their children cannot stand any exposure to even an iota of dirt or even worse, a virus.

The thing is, they always show these kids sneezing and then wiping their snotty hands on the couch/table/TV remote. Then Mom swoops in and sprays it down with some antibacterial spray that they bought for $6, complete with pleasant lemon/pine/lilac scent. See a problem with that?? Yes, that folks is fearful marketing working at its best. The mom sprayed antiBACTERIAL spray to try and kill a VIRUS. You can’t kill viruses. That’s why there’s no cure for the common cold. You can make the symptons seem less severe, but it’s just going to run its course.

So what is supermom really doing? She’s buying into the marketer’s brainwashing that she can’t be a good mother without this shit. Um, ever heard of superbugs? And immune systems? We’re creating super bugs, cuz we don’t trust our immune systems. I grew up eating dirt, playing in barns filled with cows and placing the 5-second rule on top of the list of commandments. A little dirt won’t kill you. A couple of germs won’t kill you. They will strengthen your immune system. You will fight off serious things easier. When I was little, I remember we fed my brother grasshoppers. Ha. Hahahaha. We also told him that big kids drank gingerale up their noses, not through their mouths, but that’s a different story.

Through several of my own VERY scientific studies, complete with controls and all that, it seems that kids who grew up able to eat dirt and food off the floor developed fewer allergies and get sick with piddly things like colds less often. Kids who grew up in houses with neurotic parents (the boyfriend…..what? who just called his mom neurotic?! That’s mean! Hush!) seem to have more allergies and get afflicted with annoying colds more often than others (me).

That’s my rant. I really hate how people are making themselves sicker by trying to kill things that DO have a purpose, which is to strengthen the immune system. Okay, so maybe you can stave off colds and shit while little Jimmy is in grade one so he can win the Perfect Attendance award at the end of school, but once he gets older and starts hanging out other places, he’ll totally be the guy that’s gonna get sick. Way to go moms!

I say a bit of dirt is good for you. Hell, it’s just a bit more protein. I’m not saying live in sloth, but please stop breeding superbugs you suburban spazzes! Try to limit the Lysol saturation of your countertops and stop carrying a tube of Purrell in each purse and pair of pants. It’ll be okay! I promise! Now, go lick a floor or something.


Comments on: "Oh, just let the germs invade already." (6)

  1. I like dirt. When the kid was a uhh, kid, she would eat handfuls of it. And I let her.

  2. Holy crap, I hate the “moms” in commercials who are just a LITTLE too put-together…like seriously, you’re not gonna be wearing a pretty sweater-set and rockin’ nicely flipped-out hair when you’re cleaning the bathroom, it’s just not logical…

    And I KNOW RIGHT? Over-sterilzation is scientfically STUPID!! Like has everyone in the world NOT heard of bubble-boys or whatever?

    What’s a bubble boy?

    A bubble boy is SOOO sensitive to air, and dirt and life (lol I’m making this up, but it’s probably true), that he can’t even be without the protective bubble, or he’ll fall terribly ill…so WHY are moms constantly trying to create a bubble in their pretty little homes? You’re absolutely right about how screwed the kids will be when they grow up and hang-out wherever…the world IS NOT A PROTECTIVE LYSOL BUBBLE!!!!

  3. Ugh, I hate the suburban mom commercial look. Ooh, lets all compete for the best natural looking highlights and shoes that look expensive but then yammer on about how you really got them at Winners for only five dollars and a blowjob or something. Suburbs = DEATH!!!! Death by superbug and non-exposure to the outside world of new ideas. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

    Germs really don’t bother me. Forensics + working in daycares + having lived with two extremely disgustingly messy people + all the animals = it’s really hard to gross me out. In fact, when kids come in and sneeze all over reception, it’s not the germs that bother me so much as the fact that these moms will not let them touch an un-lysol’d thing in their house, but will let them spray their mucus-y innards in public. Go home to your bungalow!

  4. mistyjade said:

    Ahh You’re talking about the Clorox kids! My Preschool is full of them and you know what… They’re the ones who are always SICK! instead of getting little germs slowly over time to build up immunity, the Clorox Mom’s keep them in their little bubbles all clean and seemingly healthy and then when they decide that they are ready for school they dump the poor kid into germ central and I get to clean up the puke! Not Fun!

  5. I couldn’t agree with you more. I am really really annoyed by the current Lysol add that says they can kill viruses. How can you kill something that is not alive? Clorox and Lysol have used this antibacterial message to wipe the country into germ phobia and in the end it actually gets worse. I actually wrote and complained to Lysol and they sent some condescending response that the public wouldn’t understand that viruses can’t be killed.
    There has been a theory developing in the immunology world called the hygiene hypothesis. It stems from observations that the incidence of asthma is much lower in rural areas compared to urban ones. The thought is that exposure to the types of bacteria found in soil makes the immune system stronger. It also balances the immune system so that it doesn’t get over stimulated by the types of signals that direct it toward allergy and asthma type responses. We’ve let our kids play and eat dirt outside when they were young and have had little problem with them being sick.
    EAT DIRT!!

  6. Nurse Amelia said:

    I am a mom of four in Nashville.
    I grew up with a suburbon clorox mom who I love but I do have asthma and was always sick as a Kid.
    My opinion.Be cautiouse but stop obsessing and enjoy the kids.Focus more on strengthening their immune systems through diet and sleep and less on fighting germs by living in quarinteen.
    Two other points.
    1.Your children will never develop adapive immunity if they are not sick.They will have weak immune systems.
    2.Your kids are more likely to die of cancer from being exposed to all thse unnatural Chemicals then to die from the flu.

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