I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Universal Truth #335

Workplaces often  have a common kitchen. With a common fridge, common microwave, common sink, etc.

We all have to share in the joys of kitchen sharing. Don’t even get me started on that.

But I’m currently sitting in my office, being olifactorily (is that a word? smellishly?) assaulted by some bonehead who thought it would be a good idea to bring leftover fish to work and then microwave it to heat it up. IT STINKS SO BAD!!!!

Everybody knows that when you microwave fish, it stinks up the entire city block that the microwave is situated on.

Universal Truth? You are an ignorant asshole if you microwave fish in a public microwave. You deserve to have your face rubbed in poo. It stinks! You KNOW it does! Keep your stink at home for supper and eat cold sandwiches like the rest of us! Who the hell eats fish for lunch anyways?? Awesome Friend is currently creating an anti-fish-zapping sign to be put on the microwave POST-HASTE.

If I was a black guy, and a cartoon, this would be a pretty accurate description of what I’m feeling right now.

Comments on: "Universal Truth #335" (11)

  1. Ha! If I was a black guy. I love it. You know what else pisses me off? Even more than people microwavnig fish? Even more than people who consider themselves vegetarian but still eat fish? (I don’t care if there’s a fucking name for it or if you’re only doing it for health reasons or if fish do not feel ‘as much’ pain as other animals – it’s a fish, you killed it to eat it, you’re not a vegetarian.) PEOPLE WHO USE THE VEGETARIAN MICROWAVE TO HEAT UP FISH!!!!!! THANK YOU WRIGLEY’S BUBBLEGUM FACTORY AND ALL YOUR IMMIGRANT EMPLOYEES WHO FOR SOME REASON *LIVE* ON FISH!!!! 1) Fish is gross 2) Fish should not be in ANY microwave 3) Fish is not vegetarian 4) I would be far less offended if someone reheated baby cow in my vegetarian microwave. At least it doesn’t fucking REEK like that. 5) I don’t care about having a ‘vegetarian’ microwave. Seriously, not that much of an issue, EXCEPT for the fact that it sends a whole bunch of fish mongers over. I stopped using the vegetarian microwave. I’d rather my vegetables smell like a fake burrito than a fucking crotch. Because that’s exactly what fish smells like. Dirty, dirty crotch.

    It does. And I don’t want to come to work and smell dirty crotch. There’s a reason I’m not a lesbian prostitute.

  2. You’re also an asshole if you burn popcorn in the microwave. People that violate the no fish/popcorn scorching should be hanged. Bastards.

    Indeed! I second that nomination.

  3. Back in the olden days, when microwaves were carved out of stone, and I was living in the south, I was hugely pregnant and working at this place where, on a daily basis, someone would microwave CHITLINS. Nothing on this earth smells worse. It would literally make me throw up.

    If you’ve never heard of them, chitlins are pig intestines. Just thought I’d brighten your day!

    People in the south eat pig intestines??? WTF? Isn’t that America? I mean, dont’ they have normal regular food like KD to eat? I have never heard of Chitlins and it’ll be okay if I never do again. You poor poor thing.

  4. I learnt the hard way not to do that at work with tuna pasta bake… whoops!

    Mmmm, but it’s good though! Do you put cheese on it?

  5. Not all southerners eat chitlins. It’s a type of soul food. I’ve never eaten them, but here’s a link about them.


    Do not read while eating.

    I dont know if I’ll be reading that at any time….I might just take your word at face value.

  6. DUDE…..I have made passionate rants to my boss about people who microwave fish-related things in the communal kitchen….it is HORRIBLE!!…trying to microwave my starbucks after that is a nasty experience, and that’s not fair!

    Like seriously, it’s so disrespectful, and anytime it happens, I always say: “I love my mom’s chicken curry, but you don’t see me bringing that to work and tossing it in the micro, now DO YOU???”


    EXACTLY! You have respect for those around you who don’t like the smell of curry. And when you reheat coffee after fish, it totally takes on the fishy smell. Boo-urns!
    I can totally see you going to boss all corporate like and losing it about fish smell. Ha.

  7. Ha! I was going to put up a sign that said “please use caution when microwaving fish products, as we’ve received several complaints about the smell. we all share the microwave, so blah blah blah, something about courtesy.” You know, diplomacy. But then my boss comes over and asks me to write up a sign that says “No fish or fish products.” Sweet!

    Put it up!!

  8. OK. I love fish. Fish sandwiches are damn good. but wtf. who microwaves fish? that is nasty. you don’t put fish in the microwave! Putting fish in the microwave is the equivalent of putting ketchup on a hot dog.

    #2: Romi, I love curry chicken. My roommate made it this weekend and it was awesome. so spicy that I started hiccuping but god it was good and i had thirds.

  9. eww .. microwaved fish. I bet that’s even worse than burnt microwaved popcorn, huh. That’s a stink you can’t get out until you just throw the fucking microwave out the window.

    Eww . . microwaved fish. Had to say it twice.

  10. You’re so right! I’ve done this in the past and people always notice and make rude fucking comments. Like WTF, I’m just trying to eat some frikkin leftovers.

    OK, I’m an asshole! Instead of remaining an asshole, I grew up and started eating the fish cold.

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