I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

After this, I promise I will stop making 70% of my posts about how much I can’t handle winter anymore.

So last night, I was slightly inebriated. Short story, but boring, so all you need to know is I was. And the boyfriend convinced me to come out with him and Zoey for a round of midnight puppy soccer. Fine, whatevs (yeah, I just said whatevs). So we run across University Avenue (which is about 8 million lanes wide…..or 4) southbound, unscathed. Then we have to run across the northbound side (there’s a nice boulevard in the middle, there’s pics coming up, don’t fret). So he and Zoey run, leap and skate their way across the road.

I, in my slower and less-agile wine-filled state made my way after them. Speed was of the essence, lest I get hit by the onslaught of cars just released from their holding pattern by a green light. So I ran full-out, and as I did, I realized that there was nowhere for me to run. There was a line of parked cars all beside a huge, unending snowbank which was approximately 4 feet tall, blocking my access to the sidewalk.

So I did what I had to. I jumped out of the road onto the snowbank. Only, I kind of didn’t make it ONTO the snowbank, more…INTO the snowbank. I jumped, all tipsy-McStagger-like and didn’t quite clear it. I wound up with my lower half completely engulfed by snow and ice and unable to move. Apparently I tried to stop my snow sinkage with my wrists, cuz they got all cut up by the ice and now I look like some loser emo kid who tried to cut themselves.

IT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS. I wish I had it on video. The best part? I jumped between two random cars parked there and I happened to pick the only one who had people sitting in it to jump in front of. I’m sure they were pissing themselves. I probably made their night. Ah, stupid winter.

Anyways, here’s a few pics to back up my snow-directed rage of late:



This is my view from my apartment. Pretend to be impressed by the CN Tower. If you look in the bottom left, you’ll see a car. It was stuck there for 24 hours. A tow truck came, got stuck in the alley, and spent twenty minutes gunning it’s engine and sliding all over just to get to the car. Then, when it got there and pulled in front, it got stuck again. It took it another 15 minutes to get backed up to the car. But he couldn’t align it properly, GAVE UP and spent 20 more minutes trying to get OUT of the alley. I shit you not, the tow truck driver gave up. And those guys are like ambulance-chasing lawyers, they will hurt you to make a dollar. I couldn’t believe it.


And this is a terrible picture of Zoey, who is the only Torontonian I know who is LOVING this snowy winter.

And I’ve saved the best til last; this was the sign just outside of where we went for dinner last night:


Comments on: "My last rant about winter, I promise. But this one’s filled with pictures!" (7)

    You drunken fucking loser, I love you so much! Dammit, I wish I was there! I want to see the emo scars first thing on Monday when I get in! (Don’t forget, going to be late.)

    Ahh. But no, I wasn’t there. I was too busy buying you a bag of chips, because that’s why I’m awesome friend. Mahaha!

    Ahhhhahahahaha. I am a loser. And you love me, you really love me! As if there was any doubt, EVERYbody loves me (right).

  2. Dear lord, I don’t know if I could handle that much winter. That’s rough. I do have to say I love your icy shenanigandery. And Zoey does look awful happy. I guess that’s your dog, but it could be anyones, I don’t know.

    And I am ashamed to say, I actually was impressed by the tower. Every time I see pictures of Toronto it looks so beautiful. In my head, it seems a lot cooler than New York. But I don’t really know. It at least looks nicer to live in.

    Yeah, and throwing myself into a snowbank didn’t even hurt cuz of the wine. It was so funny. I was thinking of doing it again, but for fun this time.
    And dude, those pictures do NOT do this winter justice. At ALL. The winter has been so much worse than those pics lead you to believe, and you’ll note that the sky is gray and awful in both pics. Nobody can handle this much winter. I tells ya, the whole city is one snowfall away from mass murder.
    I went to New York once. Once. It was the absolute worst time I’ve ever had in my life. I fucking hated that fucking city and everyone who lived there. Toronto is MUCH cooler.
    And yes, Zoey is my dog.

  3. Josh, I can’t wait till we tie your ass to the top of a car and drive you up to Can-land…you’re gonna love Toronto!

    I have to say, I think New York is very VERY cool, but you can image Toronto with less garbage, and with more charming little nooks, and with less street-crowding in general, from what I’ve observed…(well not at 8:30am or 5pm, but other than that…yeah…)

    And Talea: “Tipsy-McStagger-like?”…haha, I have GOT to see that 😉 …the thing about falling into snowbanks is that the sinking feeling seems so never-ending when you’re dealing with the depth of Canadian snowbanks…and much more uncomfortable when the wine has taken effect…LOL.

    Oh, and here’s one more little complaint for me, about the current weather, at 9:30pm: windy as fuck, and like a minus 40 degree-Celsius wind-chill….beautiful. Luckily I have pre-decided to be off sick from work tomorrow, as I have self-diagnosed myself with bronchitis (I will get the official diagnosis at the doctor tomorrow, but until then, no going outside for me thanks. Damn winter. Hmph!)

    PS: sorry about your emo wrists….LMAO 🙂

    I think Josh would love T.O., hey? You can be a dick all you want and nobody even turns their head! It’s the beauty of this city.
    I completely disagree with you about NYC Romi, but hey, even soulmates like different flavours of ice cream.
    Tipsy McStagger! w00t!! I am HILARIOUS when drunk!!! If I do say so myself.
    And yeah, I just checked the weather. -30??? HA! I’ll stay here on my nice warm couch, thank you.

  4. So listen soulmate…what ARE your thoughts on NYC? Love it or hate it? I welcome differing opinions amongst soul-mates…do share… 😉

    Um….honestly? I hated it. Hated.

  5. Jesus! They make signs for it!! LMAO! I’m sorry hunny, but i would love one of those signs! I would put it out on my lawn like a Christmas decoration. Haha bitches, lookie what I’VE got!!

    it was a balmy -13 here today so i’m with you…totally.

    I found the sign hilarious too, which was why I whipped out the old camera phone.

  6. Love the pics! That is serious snow. I’ve been to Toronto once and enjoyed myself immensely… and somehow missed the underground (and it was winter – I don’t know how I missed it…) so I have to go back. Later, like in summer, maybe.

    That’s NOTHING. That pic was taken in December. It’s now mid-February and many snowstorms later. There are snowbanks taller than me at this freaking point. But since I promised no more winter rants, I won’t post them. Sadly.

  7. I’d be pretty mad if I were the owner of that stranded car. “Fuckin emo loser kid”, LOL!

    Indeed. I just have two little scabs left. Remnants of my drunken snowbanking. It was a good time. A new sport, mayhaps?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: