I recently posted a meme where it wanted to know the kind of underwear I was wearing. I responded honestly, a thong. Awesome Friend (who works with me in real life…’the 3D world’) commented that she found this odd, since I don’t seem very ‘thongy’.This comment inspired me to write about undies. Everyone’s favourite part of a wardrobe.
When I am at work, I only wear thongs. I do not want VPL (Visible Panty Line) in my work pants. I yell at people all day to give me money, I don’t need them thinking that they can see my granny panties all bunched up in my pants. I need them to think I am a serious business wom-an!! I want my ass to look as it is: smooth, supple and lineless. Ahem. I don’t want to be walking around work all day, pulling my underwear out of my ass. The thong is supposed to be there. It stays put. I don’t have to be squirming around and excusing myself while I fight with my undergarments.
Now, one problem with thongs is that the sides tend to be thin bands of fabric. They cut into the hips, creating a pseudo-muffin top. UN-attractive. So you have to wear the side bands low down, so the muffin top can be concealed within your work pants. But then it causes fit issues down below. It’s a domino effect, really. And one I don’t appreciate. Sigh. The things we do for our asses to be as pretty as possible…
When I’m not at work, I’m a full brief kind of girl. I like comfort. Plus, thongs + jeans are not a good idea really. The discomfort is awful, plus, nobody can see a VPL through jeans so why bother? Though I find them bulky and awkward, but whatever. There’s certain parts of jeans that need to be buffered from touching your ‘place’ and only briefs can provide that sort of insurance.
My undie drawer is a varied place indeed. I’m open to different underwear types. Except boy shorts. DAMN I hate those. They ride up and they suck in every way possible. The elastic on the legs gets loose and then they get all floppy and horribleness ensues. I hate them. They give you a little ring of….bunched up fabricness around your upper thigh and that’s not what I’m going for either.
But that comment made me think. Why don’t I seem like a thong girl? Is it because I’m a total conservative prude? Well, probably, but not everbody knows that. I don’t think you can guess what kind of underwear people prefer. It’s a total crapshoot. A box of chocolates if you will.
One thing I’ll never understand is women who match their bras with their underwear. Um. Why? So that nobody can see it? So that when somebody does see it and takes it off, they’ll feel that their decision to sleep with you was a sound one, because you can colour coordinate your unmentionables? Fuck that. Whatever bra I can pick up off the floor is good enough for me, so long as it isn’t brown and I’m planning on wearing a white shirt. I’m not slutty like that. I hate dark bras under white shirts. But I do loves me a brown bra.
Bras………underwire or no underwire? Well, I am a 100% underwire girl. I don’t see how you can’t be. They’re just superior. Until the wire breaks through and stabs you in the sternum. That gets awkward when you have to remove it in public. Yeesh. I fucking hate that.
No matter what your underwear preferences……white, colours, patterns, flowers, thongs, briefs, boyshorts……..I think we can all agree on one thing.
Granny panties are of the devil and should be burned en masse, post haste. They are awful. I shall reference the scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary where Hugh Grant discovers Renee Zelwegger’s gigantic panties. He can’t even concentrate on the ‘situation’. He becomes so distracted by the underwear that he has to stop what he’s doing to be sure he’s not hallucinating.
Ladies, you don’t want men hallucinating in THAT way when you reach ‘critical point’ time. Do yourselves a favour………go through the drawer and throw away the granny panties. And the period panties. You know what I’m talking about. We all have them.
Yep. So those are my thoughts on undies. Also, I really hate the word panties. I do. It’s a gross word.