I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

I love sleep, you all know that. So in the mornings, more often that not I sleep until the last possible moment and then rush around like a maniac trying to get myself clothed and made up and presentable for work. Usually, this doesn’t include brushing my hair (though oddly, my unbrushed hair gets more comments than my brushed hair….go figure), and it rarely includes breakfast.

Now, I have to eat breakfast every day. Not because I’m all, ‘I need my metabolism as high as possible!’ (side note: I threw away ALL my skinny clothes this weekend, realizing it’s over and they’ll never fit again), but because I have meds I have to take in the morning with food. If they’re taken without food, it ain’t pretty.

So this morning was quite typical, in that I arrived at work, unkempt, hungry and late. Meh. Deciding I was still within the acceptable range of normal Talea-late, I went to one of the food-dispensing outlets in the concourse level of the building I work in. I am hesitant to refer to them as restaurants, as they do not meet my standards for such, especially in my fair city of Toronto, the capital of restaurant culture.


I went to one of them, which is staffed entirely by Chinese women who appear to know three sentences. One woman who works there, her specialty sentence is “Hiiiiiya! Kah I hyep yoooow?” in a VERY loud, nails-on-chalkboard voice. I ignored her, as I do every morning, because I hate mornings and I hate being yelled at and I hate being hungry and I can’t stand her voice and don’t want to initiate her into any more conversation. I studied the menu board, appearing to be in deep concentration and she went on to yell at my other hungry colleagues.

I waited for a co-worker of hers to come up and ask me in a more polite, ear-friendly manner what I would like to consume for my morning meal. I requested the same thing I do every day I go there: a cheese bagel, toasted, with cream cheese.

I noticed two bowls of cream cheese sitting there and asked her if there was a difference between the two. Without skipping a beat, she waved around her knife, landing in the general vicinity of one bowl and then the other, stating: “Dis rite and dis legular”. Very matter of fact. Ah yes, the R’s and the L’s thing, it cracks me up. I opted for the rite cream cheese, as I think that it probably has enough calories as it is and the legular would be even worse for my svelte figure.

I made my way to the cash register, waiting for the crapshoot that IS the price of aforementioned toasted cheese bagel with rite cream cheese. Every day, these ladies pick a new price. This isn’t just my experience. Em has it happen to her all the time too. One day, the bagel is $1.60. The next day it’s $2.50. The following day it’s $1.90. Today, since I used Interac, she decided to charge me $0.10 extra. Now, I don’t care about 10 cents, but the point is that she never charges me. But today there was a new rule apparently.

So I started arguing with her (this is screaming-over-the-counter-at-me lady from earlier). I was asking her why her prices change every day and why today I suddenly have to pay a premium to use my debit card. Her response was ‘No. No. No no no. Nooooo, no. We no change. No no no.’

Alright, bagel witch. I KNOW you speak english. I’ve spoken to you before. I’ve even figured out how to decipher your consanant-switching. Rite and Legular? I got ya. But as soon as I start asking questions that you don’t feel like answering, you forget English?

Fuck you and fuck your bagels. I REALLY hate it when people do that. A lot of Toronto’s service industry isn’t actually Canadian. They’re ‘Something else-Canadian’, meaning they speak English as their second/third/fourth language. That’s cool. I wish I was bilingual. But I really hate that when they don’t want to deal with a customer,they just stop understanding. Seriously? Am I supposed to believe that? Or they turn to their coworker and start rambling on in a foreign language in front of me, clearly griping ABOUT me.

I think that is about the rudest thing you can do. Turn away from me and start speaking to someone else in a different language while I’m right there. Just answer my question. Tell me what a cheese bagel costs. Stop jerking me around.

So I demanded a receipt. And I will continue to demand receipts to show them how variable their pricing seems to be. I don’t care what it costs, I’ll pay it cuz I’m lazy. I’m only asking for consistency! But at least if I have pieces of paper, I can point at the prices and make the universal ‘what’s up with that’ shoulder-shrug gesture. I know they understand numbers, they’re Asian for god’s sake! (Please note, if you are offended by non-PC literature, you probably should have stopped reading after you saw the title. I will not be blamed for the offense you may be taking right now).

The WTF-gesture is universal my friends, even if English isn’t. Or if English comprehension tends to be spotty amongst those I encounter and get into spats with.

I’ll figure out this damned bagel business. And if I can’t, I’ll start pretending I don’t understand how much money they want from me. I’ll just continually thrust forth my change and feign ignorance. They’ll probably start refusing to serve me. But there’s a few other food-dispensing outlets there that I can harass until I burn those bridges too. I’ll start worrying at that point…..or probably just start waking up a bit earlier.


Comments on: "Rite or Legular? Who cares, just stop changing the plice!!" (12)

  1. OMG, thank you for the laughs! I thought I couldn’t laugh any more and then I got to the paragraph, “Fuck you and fuck your bagels” and burst out again. LOL! Great story and one of the many we all go through from time to time with big question marks over our head.

    I’m a bridge burner myself – HA! HA! HA! HA! What a great read. I just got to work and this made my night!

    I’m a super pro at burning bridges and I don’t feel bad when I do. I can’t help it, I just can’t hold my mouth at times when I probably should. But they should stop changing the damn price! Arg!!
    And you’re welcome. I aim to please. 🙂

  2. I went down later and saw that woman COMBINING the two bowls!!! OH-EM-EFF-GEE!!! No way! Never going there again. I’ll go to shoppers and buy my own goddamned bagels. I’ll even trek to St. Lawrence market on the weekend to get the decent cream cheese. Ugh!

    That’s it, they’re boycotted. You hear THAT screaming Chinese lady?! No more business for you!

  3. You big ol’ meanie .. those poor ol’ ladies can’t help it, geez . . damn bagel hoarders . . cream cheese mixers . . dime stealin’ womens .. where da white womens at?! Sorry, I kid! I kid!
    I see your frustration, keep those dern receipts! But then again, you said boycott after Auntie Em’s comment. You’d show ’em the receipts anyhow, and they’d be all … “I know no math. I know no Engrish!”

    Where’s mah white pplz?? Hahaha. Have you ever gone to engrish.com? Great site.

  4. Legular … hahhahahehe!


  5. I’ve always wanted to be bilingual, so I could turn around and say “you know, I understand what you’re saying over there” when they’re bitching about my impossible demands.

    Me too. I could probably attempt that if some Frenchies were talking, but I don’t know how believable I am as a certified Mandarin speaker.

  6. You could also carry a sign that says: “Do not speak english?” and just save the trouble of conversing with them. Then, you could even carry a sign to flipp them off or something. Geez, that was mean (I’m hungry, I get that way whenever there’s no food around).

    I’ve been trying to think of a witty retort to this, but the problem is, I don’t understand the first sentence. I mean, I do speak english so it doesn’t make sense that way……and if they don’t, how would they know I’m mocking them? I’m probably missing something, a disproportionate number of things go over my head…….

  7. In addition to being foreign, sometimes the service-individuals have poor work-ethic as well (I love how ironic this must sound coming from ME who had immigrant-parents, but fuck it, they came over like 30 years ago, learned how to conduct themselves properly, and got their citizenship a LONG time ago, so I will bitch…)

    As I was saying…there’s a McDonald’s by our work, and I guess that particular location is owned by a Phillippino family, which is cool, whatever…Anyhoo, in the hot, hot summer of ’07 (which I’m sure you remember), ANY time the humidex was above 30 degrees, I SHIT YOU NOT, they would put a paper-sign over the ice-cream machine and say it was broken, and say that it couldn’t be fixed untill it got “worked on”…so EVERY hot lunch hour when we wanted our soft-serve cone, it was a no-go, and he we had to instead go to the 7-Eleven across the street and get popsicles with freezer-burn on them….

    SO WHAT I’M SAYING IS, they would basically step outside at noon, “feel the heat”, conclude that there would be MAJOR demand for ice cream (thus requiring them to work very fast and efficiently in a non-stop kinda way), and decide that was not to their liking, so BOOM: they’d stick the “Broken” sign on the ice cream machine…but any time it was cool and rainy? Oh well then OF COURSE the machine was in wicked shape, with enough “soft serve” for you and your loved ones to bathe in!!!!

    Yeah, these “WTF” moments in life… 😉

    Shit, you’d think if you’re from the fucking Phillippines, you understand the necessity of ice cream on a hot day. Don’t they have ice cream down there? McDonalds? Work ethic? Woops!
    And it doesn’t sound ironic. I don’t care what colour a person’s skin is. I just want them to follow the damn rules of society! And in Canada we inhale ice cream in the summer and have consistent bagel prices!! Why won’t they conform? Why?!

  8. Honestly, I’d complain to the powers that be that allow them to sell their varying priced bagels, and have them put up a price list. How are you supposed to order stuff without knowing how much it costs? That’s all I have to say about that. Sorry, nothing clever. I try to keep it simple when it comes to the GRrrr factor. 🙂

    I dont know if the powers that be would understand me. They have a price for bagel with cream cheese, but they claim that the cheese bagel is more expensive. Pfffft. Whatevs.

  9. What the hell?? They can’t switch the cost on you like that? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Mofo rite and legular should be the same everyday. Bastards.

    Fucking eh, right!?

  10. Yeah we have the same problem with a lot of beaners down here. They move here and make no attempt to learn English and then understand/feign ignorance depending on what the situation looks like for them. It’s all bull shit. If you want to move here, learn my fucking language, and learn it well. And don’t jerk me around just because you speak another language. Bitch! And I’m with you all the way about how nasty those Asian languages sound when screeched by their wretched women. I mean, when that chick on Lost talks in Japanese she sounds hot. How come every waitress at every Chinese food joint ever sounds like they’re strangling cats and shattering glass when they open their mouth? Why? Honestly, I just don’t get it. In fact the only reason I would try and bang a Chinese chick is because I hear their vaginas are sideways.

    (I know that’s not correct, I’ve seen an ass ton of Asian porn, don’t be condescending. I have heard that much like asian men and their tiny wieners, asian chicks have tiny cooters, very tight. Love me long time!)

  11. queenbitch said:

    omg that is so funny. if that happend over here i’d bitch bout that. like just yesterday me and some work mates went to mc cafe and it was disgusting service so after me making rude comments loud enough for everyone to hear and the workers not paying attention i got up and “accidently” spilt the rest of my coffee all over the table. oops.

    and omg EVERY time me and the flatmate go to the movies and its BUSY the frozen cock (coke) machine isnt working. it has a “sorry out of order” sign on it. NO SHIT. so unless we wanna go back downstairs to the other place that does frozen cock we hafta go without. rude aye?

    and whats with mixing the cream cheese’s together? thats just nasty.

  12. It’s not just the R’s and L’s…nothing is plural!

    Tell me you have seen this…

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