I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

I went to Chapter’s this weekend to spend the gift certificate Romi gave me for my birthday (along with cheez whiz and jam, yo). Nothing was worthy of my newfound funds, so I’m gonna go back some other time, as I’m a book freak and am positive I will find something good when I have time to look.

Anyways, while I was there and trying not to be noticed in the psychology/self-help section (what? I like that topic, shut up), I heard a couple of voices slowly raising in volume and intensity. I grabbed a book and pretended to read the back of it while I eavesdropped on their discussion.

I couldn’t figure out what precisely they were talking about, but this guy was pissed about something that Chapters had done. The employee’s only retort was ‘That’s our head office that makes that decision, sir, I have nothing to do with that.’

I quickly lost interest when I spotted the crossword books section, and I moved towards the books with the empty squares just waiting to be filled in. Realizing that these were clearly crossword books for idiots (I’m totally advanced enough for the New York Times crosswords, bitches!), I left THAT section and wandered over to attempt to locate the boyfriend who was no doubt in the nerdy science section. He’s a nerd.

In my travels, I spotted Upset Customer Dude and Increasingly Impatient Sales Associate Woman. In a very (cough) inconspicuous manner, I grabbed a book on the opposite side of the shelf they were arguing about, and pretended to be fascinated by what was written on the back. It turns out that this guy was SERIOUSLY pissed about the fact that HIS section of choice (Community & Culture) was located next to what he considered a completely appalling selection of books. He couldn’t fathom why he should have to LOOK at these books, why these books weren’t banished to their own cobwebby corner and how Chapters could think that folks as enlightened as himself who read up on Community & Culture should have to be subjected to sharing a shelf area with THOSE books. It was disgusting, he said. He couldn’t even look at the books he wanted to, since he’d accidentally catch an eyeful of the ‘other’ books. Why in God’s name would they arrange their stores in such a manner? He was never coming back to Chapters again, he stated. All the while, the woman who worked there just kept getting more and more annoyed, eventually asking, ‘Well, what would you like me to do sir? I can’t DO anything.’

He eventually stormed off, muttering under his breath. Obviously I ran around to the other side of the shelf, seriously curious about what could be so offensive in a very run-of-the-mill bookstore. I was expecting books on how to kill your friends, or a photographic celebration of some awful war or something, books celebrating adultery or child porn….something really terrible.

What did I find? What was so offensive that this guy was screaming at poor Increasingly Impatient Sales Associate Woman?

The section was ‘Gay and Lesbian Studies’.

I shit you not.

This guy was worked up like I can’t describe over gay and lesbian books being near him. I don’t know if they were fiction, research, non-fiction, whatever. But honestly, um, who the fuck cares? Are you so fucking lame that you really worry about what people do in their own bedrooms behind their own closed doors? Are you terrified that perhaps a bit of your book will be tainted by sharing space with these atrocities of writing?

Grow up, dude. I don’t care where people stick it or who they stick it in, so long as it doesn’t affect me. Honestly, I have other shit to worry about that ACTUALLY makes a difference in my life. By the way, books can’t be gay. Also, you can’t ‘catch’ gayness. It’s not contagious. Your books are probably totally sexually ambiguous anyhow, my friend.

Don’t like the books? Don’t read them. Don’t like the lifestyles? Fine, don’t get involved. You’re free to like or dislike anything, in my mind at least. There’s a bunch of things I hate (in case you haven’t picked up on that yet). But don’t raise a shit fit over the fact that people are allowed to like what THEY like. ESPECIALLY when it has no bearing on your own existence.

I’m surprised he didn’t wave his crucifix around. Dude, get a life. Worry about your own eternal damnation and leave others to do as they please.


Comments on: "Wow. Some people need to get a life." (18)

  1. You’d think that someone who was so liberated and cultured wouldn’t have such a gay fucking stick up their ass. I would have gotten involved. I would have said something to like of “You’re a horrible person. I don’t want you tainting my books. Get out.”

    I thought there was a definite possibility of something being up his ass as well….

  2. trouble13 said:

    Wow, what a douchebag! I think I would have “accidently” bumped into him holding the most extreme book from the “Gay and Lesbian Studies’ section and say, “oh, I’m sorry, maybe you should leave now… I ithink you’re tainted!” And then I would just laugh in his face. Or, I might just call him a jackass. I guess it would depend on my mood that day.

    Anyway, Love your posts!

    Thanks for the love trouble!
    Yeah, I should have found some ‘artsy’ porn and slapped him around a bit with multiple penises (in picture form of course).

  3. This guy needs to spend a day where I grew up (New York City). I gurantee, 24 hours later, he returns a much different and hopefully more open-minded person.

    Seriously, half of my friends are gay/lesbian (I’m not), and that’s cool with me.

    Your blog rocks. Rock on!

    Thomas 🙂

    Thanks Tom!
    I totally respect someone’s right to not approve of different things. However, I also believe in live and let live. Don’t like it? Well, just leave it be then!

    Psssttttt….you’ve been blogrolled.

  4. Talea! You didn’t know you catch gayness just from looking at a book? What the hell!

    Seriously…what a pompous jackass. He takes homophobia to a whole new level. Someone needs to drop his ass off in the middle of West Hollywood.

    Oh God! Good thing I’m snowed in today (mumble mumble grumble @#%#!!$#%!!), or I might attack any women I see, since I’ve probably caught ‘the gay’!
    Haha, I love the revenge plan.

    Pssssttt……check my blogroll. You’ve gained a place there!

  5. It’s wild to think he’d act like that this day and age. Guess not everyone has evolved. Really sad to be filled with such hatred. You are so funny, pretending to be interested in your book to snoop – like a little detective; LOVE IT! BAHAHAHAHAH!

    I find hatred to be an unfulfilling and exhausting state to be in.
    Dude, I am SO good at eavesdropping. Cuz since I look pissed all the time, I can totally sidle into situations and conversations I probably shouldn’t be able to and nobody will say anything, cuz they think I may snap.
    Hahaha, suckers!
    P.S. You’re blogrolled!

  6. Gay-book-phobia? Weird and sad. You should have gone over there and started flipping out about all of those ‘Community & Culture’ books next to the ‘Gay and Lesbian Studies’ and when he looked at you you’d look back and say “What the fuck are you looking at Mr. Heterosexual homophobe?” That would so kick ass. 😛 At least in my head it does. 😕

    He’s probably so lame he wouldn’t get it. A lot of those words had multiple syllables. But it’d be funny.

  7. I think a better approach to humiliate this guy would be to go to the GLS section, find any book, preferrably one with a huge picture book cover, and bring it up to him and say “Here sir, I think you dropped this back there”. When he protests and says he would never read such things,”Really? Because this sounds like it’s right up your alley, the way you are obsessing over them. Perhaps a little light reading will help unlatch that closet door you have.”
    Then smile and skip merrily away….

    Haha, be all, ‘No no, it slipped right out of your man purse! *Gasp* You were trying to STEAL this weren’t you? Sir, you’re a gay shoplifter!’ Then I’d follow up with the unlatching the closet door line, which is pretty awesome.

    Skipping is the best. Skip to my blogroll, I’m adding everyone today.

  8. Although, I get equally upset having when I look for comedy cds at Best Buy and they have them sandwhiched between the country section and the christian section….I almost feel compelled to declare to anybody coming down that aisle: “just here for the comedy, so don’t get any funny ideas folks.”
    Guess I’m a christianrockcountrytwangophobe.

    Tsk, tsk. I love country. Sounds like you need some serious therapy.

  9. I would have snuck up behind the guy’s ass, put one of the gay books in front of my vagina, and then start dry-humping him from the back, imitating a wild creature of the jungle…then upon finishing, I would stop and say “haha, you just had gay sex!” and run away….


    Dry humping is funny in any situation. You can’t lose. And it’d be totally offensive to Scared of Gay Books Guy.
    Ha, ‘upon finishing’.

  10. I think it all goes back to when a country singer beat me with a bible……

    Romi – if your shopping experiences involve dry humping, we need to hit the mall together…:)

  11. Good for you for eavesdropping on a complaining latent homosexual! I would have done the very same thing. You just can’t find shit like that on TV.

    This guy probably doesn’t even read those Community and Culture books anyway, he’s probably just looking for titty pictures in the books about the bush people of West Bumfuk.

    And, hey, since when did the gays start writing books anyways??

    Romi, you are just most precious lil thing aren’t you? I love your ideas!

    Funny post talea, I’ll be visiting more often. 🙂

    I’m a pro-eavesdropper. See the comment I wrote above.
    He probably was looking for those lovely African hang-boobs. Sad, sad life. Sadder yet that he went to find an associate and dragged her over there. Shit dude, just bite your tongue and leave.

    Visit away, I’m a stats whore, glad to have you here!!

  12. Holy crap…something is going awry with the comments…feel free to delete!

    Oh no!!! I accidentally deleted all of them! Stupid Talea…..I’m sorry!!!!! Can you recomment? I didn’t get to read what you wrote!

  13. Let’s try this again. Heehee…

    I think I would have had to intervene by casually sauntering over to him with a girlish grin, handing him a Mapplethorpe book, watching as he begins to realize what he sees in front of him, flash another quick, evil feminine grin while turning and dashing off. Ha! How’s that for shock and awe? Some people are such asses!

    Sorry dude *looks away awkwardly*.
    Thanks for re-posting, but now I have to look up who Mapplethorpe is. Well, I’m back. Ahem. That was enlightening, thank you google image.
    I’d be worried he might throw the book at the back of my head as I run away, but then I’d probably get a laugh AND money out of it, so that’d be awesome.

  14. This made me laugh out loud: “I don’t care where people stick it or who they stick it in, so long as it doesn’t affect me.”

    I was WAITING for someone to notice that line!! Good on ya, Wendy.

  15. What about me??? 😦

    Gah! I thought I got you! Okay, go look now!!

  16. queenbitch said:

    To be completely honest i wasnt suprised to find he had a thing about the gay books. i dunno why i just assumed it lol

    i woulda grabed some chicks hand and walked past or grabed my fone out and started asking for “samantha” then started talkin dirty to my lesbian girlfriend.

    or i woulda told him to get a life.

    im suprised the sales lady didnt tell him to get a life.

    bet hes secretly gay.
    the secretly gay ones always have a thing about seeing gay/lesbian books so “out there”

  17. you missed my other comment….:(

    So I did. So I did…

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