I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

I don’t have very many memories before the age of 7. I’m not sure why, but there’s only blips and flashes prior to that age. Creepily enough, the only memories I have from before age 7 are scary ones. Ones where I was freaked the hell out. This seems to have set the tone for my life. A perpetual state of freaking out over stupid, stupid shit.

One of my very first memories is from when I was four. I was in my bedroom, trying to sleep and I looked over at my wall, and I swear to you (in my four year old brain), I saw a tiger walking across the wall….you know, in shadow form. Tigers are pretty rare on the Canadian prairie, this one was a shadow cousin of the more well-known tiger tigers. I ran to the living room (being sure to jump far off my bed, since there was something that lived under there (what, I wasn’t sure, but I knew it was something) that had hairy arms and would surely grab my ankles and drag me under my bed to kill me) to let my mom know of my recent safari-sightings in my Rainbow-Brite themed bedroom. I don’t remember her reaction, but I’m willing to bet it wasn’t in line with my overblown hysteria. She probably just told me to smarten up and sent me back to bed.

One of my next memories is when I was five. My teacher had arranged for us to go over to the other Grade One classroom and watch the newest hit movie…..E.T. So we toddled over there (single file kids!) and sat on the floor, waiting for the movie to start. I had no idea what this ‘E.T.’ was, but the other kids seemed pretty hyped up about it. When I realized it was about fucking ALIENS, I was so out of there. I leapt up and ran out of the room, screaming for my teacher. I was a cool kid like that.

This began my path of shitting my pants during scary movies or shows that I knew I shouldn’t watch in the first place.

Tonight is no exception. The boyfriend is out on the town and I’m here by myself. I decide to watch that new show “Paranormal State” on A&E. Normally the show is cheesy as shit and I watch it to be proud of myself for not getting scared. Only this time, it WAS a scary one and the boyfriend is gone. Now, since I am both petrified of ghosts and have an irrational fear of the dark, I have essentially forced myself into staying awake until he gets back.

Super job Talea! Thumbs up!

Side Story: I went (AGAINST ALL THE FIBRES IN MY BODY) to the theatre with the boyfriend and another couple a few years back when The Ring came out. You remember The Ring, right?

WELL. That movie about killed me. First off, it doesn’t give you even a few minutes to get settled. That scene with the chick in the closet? GAH! So about 15 minutes in, I decided it would really be best for me to just shut my eyes. The whole movie that the film was based around? Yeah, I never saw it. I kept my eyes closed the whole time. And I was still crying from fear the whole time.

Sitting in the theatre, eyes closed, crying. I’m MEGA cool. But I was not alone. There were people in that theatre bawling their eyes out and screaming. That shit was freaky.

So I sat there and sat there, listening along, perfectly content to be blind to it all. Then….it was quiet. It was really quiet. And in my paranoid mind, I thought that the movie had ended and everyone dumb enough to watch it had died, like in the movie. Okay, that isn’t true, but curiosity got the best of me. It was dead silent.

I squinched open my eyes and saw THIS:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

SOME FREAKY FUCKING DEAD GIRL WAS COMING OUT OF THE DAMNED FUCKING TELEVISION!!!!!!!

*Insert hyperventilation here*

I didn’t watch TV for a week after seeing this movie. I was terrified that when I turned off the TV, it would turn back on, and if you’ve seen that movie, you know that that would be BAD.

Um. Come to think of it, I think I’ll just sit here with the lights on, NOT turning off the TV, and just twiddle my thumbs until the boyfriend comes home. Then I’ll make him check under the bed for me and scare away any monsters in the closet before I go to bed. Yes. That sounds like a plan.

Advertisements

Comments on: "I’m not so good with the ‘scary’" (16)

  1. I always knew my wife was the biggest chicken in the world, but now I know better. On the rare occasion we watch a scary movie I usually end up with a heavily bruised arm from all the clutching and squeezing, and a ringing ear from all of the screaming (outside the movie).

    I actually feel for you, because I know what a tormented life my wife lives, being scared of everything. After a scary movie she wants to sleep with all the lights on, and only if I’m in the same room. I’m not allowed to go in the other room much less leave. You poor baby. 😐

    And the dumbest thing is that I keep doing it to myself……a fool never learns, I suppose.

  2. My wife and I have a theory that the horror movies like Saw make people go crazy.

    On a side note, the only scary movie I liked was White Noise.

    As for the Hannibal series, it’s not scary, but it does make you think a little bit if it was really based upon a true story. Probably not.

    Thomas 🙂

    I LOVE the Saw movies. White Noise scared me. So did Silent Hill, 1408, The Shining, The Grudge, Carrie, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Blair Witch, and any other scary movies that I have likely blocked from my memory.

  3. Cool, someone else I can be scared shitless with! I never saw the ring. But I do remember when I was a teenage sleeping over at a friend’s house, whose parents werent home and watching the first Halloween movie. We were both so scared we couldnt even get up to go tot he bathroom. I dont even try with the scary movies anymore, and god help us all if my light light should happen to go out. My Godsband keeps an extra bulb in his nightstand LOL

    Whatever you do, do NOT watch The Ring. No matter what anybody tells you, it’s NOT fun, and it is in fact a very bad idea.
    Cowards unite!

  4. Ok, so you know I’m all over this! I hace to hype myself up for it, but Chris and I LOVE being terrified by these movies. Chris gets just as freaked out – and HE’S the one that wants to sleep with the hall light on. 😉

    It’s freaky as hell after the fact, but it’s sort of fun during the movie. Then you turn the movie off and realize you’re still kind of stuck in it mentally and expect the monsters to be around the corner = not so much fun.

  5. “This began my path of shitting my pants during scary movies or shows that I knew I shouldn’t watch in the first place.

    Tonight is no exception.”

    That’s what you wrote .. . … did you SHIT YOUR PANTS? It’s okay if you did . .cuz ya know, everyone shits .. just not in our pants. Okay, we’ve all done it as kids, and sometimes even as adults, but Im not naming names okay . . but ….anyhow!
    I hateeddddd the Ring.. SCAAARY. I dont do scary movies. At all. I dont even try. No waaayyy!!!

    Erm….it’s more a figure of speech kind of thing. There was no shitting of the pants involved.
    The Ring terrifies me to this day. *Shudder*

  6. I have never seen The Ring and after this:

    SOME FREAKY FUCKING DEAD GIRL WAS COMING OUT OF THE DAMNED FUCKING TELEVISION!!!!!!!
    *Insert hyperventilation here*

    I don’t think I will.

    Ever.

    (Much like the Cheese Whiz and Jam. 😉 )

    Hmmmm, well, we can agree on half of the things you said there.
    😉

  7. Lucky: I’ve yet to see the sequel. Japanese remakes… nice!

    Before I learned to swim, I had nightmares where big ass whale sharks would destroy me if I made it all the way to the deep end of the pool. No sharks yet, I’m glad to say.

    I used to have drowning dreams alllll the time. And yes, in my travels I have yet to encounter any shark that isn’t of the ‘blow-up’ persuasion in a swimming pool, so I think you’re safe.

  8. So, we may be Timmy Ho’s donut sisters…but we are not scary movie sisters. Damn! I looovvvve scary movies. The scarier the better. Oh yes!

    I like to watch them too, which is how I know that I’m so BAD at watching them. They get to me afterwards. While I’m watching them I’m all, ‘This is fun! Ahaha, the virgin just got killed’, but then afterwards I am terrified to look around corners and turn off lights.
    I’m just a cool kid like that I guess.

  9. joebecca said:

    don’t feel bad sweetie, i’m right there with ya! i watched Saw II with my big girl pants on (meaning i didn’t cover my eyes at all) and had night mares for 3 weeks after. that was like 2 years ago .

    Saw II was my favourite one. I will make an exception with the Saw movies…….I LOVE them. I cannot get enough of them. And coincidentally enough, the fourth one was shot in Toronto and the director brought his dog to the park by our apartment all the time and we hung out. Cuz I’m Hollywood-cool like that.

  10. I tried mushrooms in college and afterwards, for quite some time, I feared mountain lions would appear in all public locations, so maybe your family slipped you some mushrooms when you were a kid?

    See, I WOULD believe that my mom would have done that, however I’m positive that there’s no way she could have located said mushrooms.
    I think maybe I am was just screwed up.

  11. Omg, you poor thing! I use to get scared from the “pre-view” commercials for the latest horror flicks (ok, so I still do). Not good. I don’t watch scary movies AT ALL, ever. Period. No acceptions.

    Even Jaws scared me. I have not been able to step foot in the ocean, and I freak out even in a lake (could be a killer muskee in there, ya never know). That movie ruined me.

    This is a great post!

    In old Canadia, we have to worry about killer beavers in our lakes. Yeesh.
    I get scared by previews. My eyes water and I make scary squealy noises. Not good.

  12. Damn…I have a serious fetish for scary movies…I wonder what that says about my early childhood memories…like I’ve seen The Ring about 3 or 4 times, and the first time, I just LOVED the feeling of my heart beating super-fast when they showed “face-contorted” girl in the closet…good times 🙂 …and OMG I LOVED that wet-haired girl-coming-out-of-the-TV”s unstable creepy walk…she scared the shit out of me but I loved it…it’s like self-mutilation scary-movie style…LOL…

    PS: one of my scariest “movie theater” experiences was when I got dragged to the theatre to see Silent Hill having NO idea what that movie was about….WHAT…THE…FUCK..??? Like omg that one almost gave me nightmares (but whatevs, I still enjoyed the feeling…LOL…)

    So yeah, I hope we can still be friends 🙂

  13. I’m very very bad with the scary. And that little girl? The dead one? Gave me nightmares for weeks. I mean come on! She climbs out of a freaking TV!

    And Romi: Silent hill STILL gives me nightmares. Every time I hear that creepy siren, or hear something like that creepy siren I get shivers down my back.

    Me too! Any time I hear a siren, I start freaking out. That movie got to me.
    And I KNOW! She comes out of the freaking TV!!!!!! Terrifying. Ter. if. fy. ing.

  14. Also: duffboy: I used to freak out about pool sharks all the time. I was actually unable to swim by myself in the pool for a very very long time.

  15. Gah! The Ring girl…she always freaks me out :O

    Loco

  16. So I know I’m late on reading this post. That movie scared the goddamned fucking shit out of me. You have no idea. I thought I was going to fucking die. ONE FUCKING WEEK LATER IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING THUNDERSTORM AND MY FAMILY IS GONE FOR THE WEEKEND. Totally alone in a house FULL of TVs. I. Was. Going. To. Die. That was it, plain and simple, I made peace with my maker, holed up in my room, which was the only room without a tv (and incidentally haunted by a poltergeist) and just freaked right the fuck out. The next morning, was I relieved to be alive? No, I convinced myself that I had counted the days wrong and that the clock was still ticking. That went on for about six months. Worst part? That dead fucking chick LOOKS LIKE MY SISTER!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: