I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

This week has been a rough one for my wardrobe.

On Monday, while riding the subway, I looked down at my feet and noticed one pant leg was longer than the other. The hem on one had just let go. So the ugly serged seam was hanging down to the floor, while the nicely folded and hemmed leg was behaving and sitting where it was supposed to. Since I do not sew and neither does anyone I work with, I had to hold up one leg of the pants whenever I walked anywhere. I looked like a moron.

Tuesday, I was standing in the work kitchen when someone comes in and goes, ‘you have a hole in your pants’. I informed said person they were crazy. Then they pointed to just under the pocket of her own pants, on the side of the upper thigh. I looked down at the same spot on me……to see my leg. Through my pants. Which was super, obviously. It was made even more super being that my regional bigwig director guy was coming in that morning and going over stuff with me.

I was forced to sneak a stapler into the bathroom, yank off the pants and staple the inside seams of my pant leg together. The rest of the day there was a silver glint coming off of one leg, from one staple that went through the fabric. Hot. I also jammed the stapler. Niiiiice.

On Wednesday, I went to put a vest on that was ribbed along the bottom, and the seam between the non-ribbed and ribbed areas had just ripped…….a big ol’ hole near the small of my back. Well. Find something else to wear. Later Wednesday night, my dog also gnawed on a pair of my work shoes, so I’ve been wearing shoes with fucking bite marks on the heel for half a week, but luckily nobody has noticed. Or they haven’t said anything about it at least.

This morning I put on a super cute, short sleeved little black sweater I have, cuz again, Mr. bigwig director guy was coming back in. I noticed that half of the sleeve wasn’t attached to the torso of the sweater. Fanfuckingtastic. So I threw a little blazer over it and just wasn’t able to take the blazer off at all during the day.

AND, during this week of fashion milestones, my face decided to accesorize with a nice ol’ zit. Mmmmmm, nice!

Moral that I’ve learned this week?

Pony up and buy clothes worth more than $20. Twenty dollar pants are bad. They just suck. Flashing upper thigh in meeting with bigwigs is looked down on and perhaps worth buying pants not from the ghetto clothes stores.

Also, perhaps consider carrying around thread and needle in all purses, at all times.

Uh, and also, learn to use needle and thread….and keep shoes away from dog.


Comments on: "Next stop: expensive clothing store." (9)

  1. “I looked like a moron.”

    I’m sure you were the best looking moron in the place. 😉

    How did you know?!

  2. I agree with Peter and Talea You need to give yourself more credit 😉

    I’ll give myself credit, but my wardrobe gets NONE!

  3. For once I’m thankful I work in a store that sells needle and thread. I’m also thankful that while I cant operate a sewing machine to save myself (something mum didnt pass onto me) I can however handsew….

    Buying expencive clothes is painful but fun when you look really hot!!

    Take note before you buy things what needs handwashing though.

    Yeah, and dry cleaning. Yech. I’ve never dry cleaned a single thing in my life.

  4. I wish that I read this yesterday. The exact same thing happened to me this week. Yesterday I spent 1.5 hours in the mall replacing that 3 skirts that self destructed throughout the week.

    Awww, we could have gone shopping together and tried on hideous things for kicks!

  5. Since I am a teacher’s ‘aid’ I work with kids. Grade eight kids. So, on a nice warm day, we decided to have a little water balloon fight.

    I stood and watched while they were pelting each other with water balloons, until I felt one hit me. I was wearing a white t-shirt, and a hot-pink bra! To add salt to the wound, my mascara was streaming down my face!

    Oh yes. People did notice.

    Oh yikes…..with grade eight boys??! Well, at least you made their day. And a few minutes in their night too.

  6. My pair of b&w vans still hold bite marks from a dog I owned… 4 years ago! Duffboy needs some new Vans.

    Yeah, my favourite pair of sneakers that I got 4 years ago only has the insole in one foot. The other insole has passed through my dog’s digestive system.

  7. Thanks for fucking up my stapler, bitch. I love you!

  8. It the seam falls out of a pant leg again, scotch tape will sometimes do the trick. Or if there are stripes or any patterns that may remotely camouflage, I have used staples too.

    Oh yeah, I’m CLASSY.

  9. Ugh, the big “joke” at my house is that I actually own a sewing machine but NEVER use it and I made my husband buy it for me 13 years ago when we moved into our house because I just thought a housewife should have a sewing machine (my mom did after all). BAHAHAHAHH!!! BAHAHAH!

    I was going to suggest bringing a spare pant/skirt/top in your car but after reading your TTC post, I wont even go there…..

    I’d die if my bod was exposed at work, I’d just die. It would be ugly…. sorry! Hope you get some new duds soon 🙂

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