I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Grow up!

For a girl, I guess I’m pretty tall. That statement is fairly relative, since when I’m back home, I’m not that much taller than most girls. In my immediate family, I’m damn short. In pictures, my brother and cousins tower over me. However, in Toronto, which is filled with Asians and Italians, Jews and Indians, I am tall. They are short and I do indeed tower over them.

I’m taller than the boyfriend. Which was weird at first, but now it isn’t even an issue. Sure, I like tall guys, but I like personalities more, and his happens to come in a short body. He made out pretty well considering his mom is 5 foot nothing and his dad might be 5’6 and a bit on a good day.

My friends have always been shorter than me, but never really short. Like, most of them I guess would have been over 5’4. I was always the kid in the back row on school picture day. Ah, school pictures, good times. I was always the centre back in my ballet classes. I’m always the one who has to reach stuff for people. I scoff at the requirement of ladders. On the subway, I can reach the top ceiling bar and stabilize myself instead of falling all over hell’s acre and smashing into some stinky ass monkey. If I put on 5 pounds, it isn’t as noticeable as it would be if I was short.

How tall am I? I’m 5’10. Which isn’t outrageous. But I always freak myself out when I”m walking down the sidewalk and see some giant girl walking towards me. I’m all, ‘whoah, she’s a freak dude, no guy wants a girl that tall’ and then when I pass her, I realize she’s about 1/4 inch taller than I am. Super.

I used to refuse to buy heels. No way was I going to be 6 foot tall, thank you very much. Now I don’t care. Fuck it, bring on the heels. I’m taller than you bitch, deal with it. There’s something inherently powerful about being taller than someone. Reversed, it’s inherently intimidating and nerve-wracking to have someone stand over you. At least, in my mind it is.

So where am I going with all of this?

Well, I’m laying the groundwork for my shocking statement. The statement in question?

I don’t like short people.

I don’t.

I know I have no idea how tall any of my readers are. With my luck, half of you are 5’1 and the rest of you are legal dwarts/midgets/small people/whatever the political term is for them today. But I don’t care. You can hate on tall people if you like. With our smugness and ability to reach shit. But in general, short people get on my fucking nerves.

When I’m walking down the sidewalk, their short stride makes them slow. This pisses me off. Get out of my way. When I’m on the subway and they bump into me, their heads literally hit me in the boobs. This is inappropriate and annoying. They just seem to meander and weave more than the average heighted person (is heighted a word? probably not). They’re just….down there doing their thing. And I look at them and just want to push them.

It’s like children. They’re short and can’t notice everything, so they’re unpredictable because they’re caught off guard by upcoming obstacles in their pathway. I expect this from kids. But adults? I know it isn’t their fault that they live in a world where they can’t see over anyone’s head, but I don’t care. Move! Go!  I think it must be scary to look around and not be able to see the sky, for all the tall people blocking out the sun, but this doesn’t give you a reason to wander around like perma-tourists on the sidewalks.

Short people seem to gawk more. They seem to be in awe more often than their taller counterparts. I don’t know why this is, but it bugs me. And their pants are always rolled up, cuz they’re too long. Go to a tailor! And when I”m behind them in line at a convenience store and they’re trying to lean over the counter to see the selection of cigarettes, I want to scream, ‘Look! Look at what those smokes did to you! They made you so short that you can’t even see them! Ironic, eh shorty?! Hurry up!’ Or maybe that’s coffee that stunts your growth. I don’t know, smokes still suck. If you’re not tall enough to see them, you shouldn’t be able to buy them.

I know this is bad of me. But sometimes if there’s a conglomeration of short people, I just want to smash my way through. They just huddle around and speak in their higher-pitched voices, oblivious to what’s happening in the upper stratum of the population.  

It’s like this: I’m expected to watch out for them while doing my thing. I can’t walk into them or smash my way through their gatherings. I’m expected to look down as well as looking at my own level. But for some reason, they don’t look up while going along. They smash into you. They do. Maybe it’s only the Torontonian shorties who do this, I don’t know.

I realize I might get reamed out in the comments section by those who are vertically challenged. I dont’ care. I could beat you up. Haha, I’m kidding (well, I mean, I COULD, but I won’t). I’m sure tall people are annoying too. You’re always having to look at our armpits and such. We walk too fast with our long gaits and you have to jog to keep up. I know. It goes both ways.

But for now, just please put on a pair of heels so you can see where the fuck you’re going. And maybe one of those little flags on the grocery carts that kids push around, so I can see you coming.


Comments on: "Grow up!" (19)

  1. Ha, little flags. I think technically dwarves are taller than midgets. If Family Guy has taught me anything at least. And it has taught me everything.

    Brian (flattered): “Wow, you’re making me feel like a dwarf among midgets!”
    Midget: “Can you reach the Crispex?”
    Dwarf: “Yes, I can!”

    Little flags, maybe with their height. Hehehe. That’d probably constitute a hate crime or something stupid though.

  2. Little flags! I had this problem when I was in Shanghai. It was so congested and everyone was banging in to the other guy.

    I am a tall(er) person. I never was though, and when I was growing up I hated that people had to look down on me. C’est la vie. But I growed up!

    I always have that problem when I go to Toronto. I have to wedge myself through people and as I walk toward the sunset, I always hear them saying stuff along the lines of, “Some people. Tsk tsk tsk.”. I probably don’t need to tell you it’s annoying.
    The head-smashing-into-the-boob thing is irritating to say the least. I elbow the perpitrator in the face. But I have to bend down a little to do so!

    Maybe it is more pronounced in Toronto then. I don’t know what it is, but the short people here SUCK. They just wander around in their little world down there, boob smashing away!

  3. Maytina said:

    Aww, even me?

    I think some short people are like that, but they must not have the whole ‘I’m a self sufficient person regardless of my height’ thing that Brigitte and I have. I don’t ask people to reach things for me in the grocery store, mainly because I don’t go to the grocery store, but when I did, I’d just use my shopping cart to get some height and get it my damn self.

    I also don’t bang my face into stranger’s chests, because I’m not a freak show and know how to hold on.

    You are not expected to watch out for slow short people any more than you’re expected to watch out for children or slow old people, and you know you push those fools right out of the way. 😉

    May, you’re completely excluded from this. You are not terribly tall, but you also don’t come across as a typical short person. You aren’t high pitched, you’re not all freaky-annoying energy, you’ve never once smashed into my boobs and you’re highly self sufficient.
    In short, I luv ya just the way you are!

  4. I suppose it is some sort of internet faux pas to link to a blog that I’ve never commented on. Psst, hey, this chick’s blog is cool, but don’t tell her I said so, it will go straight to her big, tall head. I want one of those counter deals too, maybe I could have a tall person hook me up.

    Yeah, I definitely have a big head. Sure, my heigh contributes to it, cuz I dominate when I walk into a room. Yep….pretty good stuff.
    Dude, blog stat counters are everywhere! Doesn’t blogspot just give you one? WordPress does, WordPress is SO superior to blogspot. My suggestion? Move your short ass over here!

  5. You must be at least this tall to buy smokes. 😉 HA!

    My mom’s 5′-10″ and my dad and I are 6′-3″ so I figure coming from a long line of Amazonian women and giant men gives me all the right in the world to comment here, and do a little (HA!) short folk bashing if I please. 😈

    Actually I used to have a girlfriend that was 4′-6″ and I swear to you that was the biggest (little) mistake of my life. No only are short people annoying but it turns out they are evil too. 😉

    Any and all adults under the height of 5′-3″ for women and 5′-4″ for men, should be exiled to a tiny little island where they can live out the rest of their days entertaining us tall folk with their televised antics entitled “Shortvivor”. 😛

    I’m Amazonian by your standards? Rock on dude, rock on. We can have our own tall world! Where water fountains aren’t at our knees, and counters aren’t so short that it hurts my back to cut stuff cuz I have to bend over! Where cars have knee room and airplanes aren’t torture!
    Ship out the shorties!
    Hahahahaha. Love your comment dude.

  6. The title, “Grow up” Ha! Ha! Ha! I hate tall people being as I’m just 5’4″ ~ Just for the simple fact that you bitches can gain 20 pounds and nobody would notice….

    If I gained 20 lbs. I look like a fat cow.

    Not fair!

    Maybe it’s not fair, but keep in mind that I am famous for saying that I DO wish I was 5’6″. I think it would be perfect. I don’t like being taller than so many guys. I wish I could be that ‘cute little’ girl. Instead I get sexy glamazon. Sigh.


  7. @ JavaQueen – Cheer up, JQ, my height criteria keeps you off the island. 😉

  8. Boo! Peter’s height criteria would ship me off to a lame island and you’d have no one to throw you amazing bashes and bake you pie!

    I will reiterate……you may stay May. Wow, too many rhymey words. You will not be shipped off to the short world island, Maytina. We’ll even keep a few ‘regular *coughshortcough* height’ counters around for you, for when you knead dough and such.

  9. Hahaha yay!! Love you exactly as tall as you are!


  10. We are the 5’10” sistas! I have to say I looooove being tall. I certainly wouldn’t want to be short with my big boobage…egad, I’d tip over.

    I have never really given much thought to the ‘little people’ – other than wanting to reach down and pat them on the head. Go Amazon women!!

    No wonder I like you so much! You’re my height and love red wine!
    I do like being tall most of the time. Most.

  11. I’m 5’6″ and perfect. Sweet.

    Dammit, I forgot that comment would feed your ego! Ha!

  12. I think I’m 5’8… am I still short? I don’t think my head would hit your boobs, and I’m guessing that’s a good thing for both of us 😉

    For a guy, you’re pushing short. You’d better have good posture, that’s all I’m saying. Slouching isn’t an option for you.
    And it is a good thing, cuz if you’re head hits my boob, my hand hits your head.
    You know, in a nice caring way.

  13. romi41 said:

    Hmm…well I’m 5’7″, so I’m not “tall” persay, but you’re SO right in that because of the cross-section of people in Toronto, I am “tall” by default (unless I should cross paths with a statuesque lady such as yourself 😉 )….so yeah, I enjoy living in a population where I can score a higher-than-average “domineering factor” even though I”m only 5’7″…good times 🙂

    In this city Romi, we both know it’s ALL about the ‘domineering factor’. You gotta scare those people out of the way!

  14. Dude, I’m 5’9″ and I’m short for a guy. At least for a white guy. For the most part blacks are big and mexicans are tiny. We don’t really have anything else here. Some times I hate being short. Like when I have to get a step ladder to replace light bulbs. But then I fit down in tight places, so I guess there are some things tall people can’t do. Here’s one, I hardly ever hit my head on shit. Voila, in your face Goliath. And when I trip, I don’t have as far to go. Short people live longer than tall ones when trapped in trash compactors. And we’re harder to shoot. I think we short folks have it made. And fortunately we’re too far down to hear all the non stop bitching you tall folks do. 😉

    Yeah, that is short for a white guy.
    And did you seriously just call me Goliath? I’m not quite sure what to make of that one…..

  15. And I’m guessing you aren’t into midget porn either.

    You would be correct.

  16. “the rest of you are legal dwarts” DWARTS! You are making up words! I love it. I’m 5’6″. I’ve always liked my height; not too tall, not too short… This was HILARIOUS. and I always feel so self-CONSCIOUS of my posts when I get all personal. Then I come here and wonder why I can’t let it all hang out.

    PS I wrote about red wine, tonight…. I’m drinking some now…

    Mahahaha, that was totally a typo, but I like it! Dwart!
    Well, you should love your height, you’re the perfect height for a girl!
    Dude, I don’t even consider these posts personal…….I usually delete the ones where I really spill my guts. Hehehe.
    And I’m totally jumping over to your blog in a few to read about my idol, red wine.

  17. Goliath, like the giant. You don’t need to read anything into it besides that it was a short person talking shit right back to a tall person who was talking shit. And I don’t care how tall you are, I am stronger, I promise. Your height doesn’t equate mightiness. I’d knock you down like a tree. Look at … uh … your boyfriend, whatever his name is. You wouldn’t date him if he couldn’t throw you around. (probably, i don’t know) Short guys can be stocky and stronger than they look. I could probably pick you up and throw you, do you think you could do that to my short ass? No. And just remember, the bigger they come, the harder they fall.

  18. I don’t like short people either. And I’m one of them. It is hard to yell at a kid who is taller than you (5’7″ to my 5’3″. Sigh.)

  19. Tee hee. I’m 5’10” too. In Grade 12, I dated a boy who was maaaybe 5’6″ (he had a cool car, and he was From Another School. It just wasn’t gonna get better than that). We were at a party one night, and someone asked me “Hey, where’s ‘X’?”

    He was standing behind me.

    We broke up the next day.

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