I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Say it with me now, “No, really…….it’s just my face.”

I was forced, yet again, to use those words in my defense yesterday. I got into a bit of a ‘tiff’ with a superior at work. Somehow it came up that his superior (that would be my superior squared), joked with him about getting a mirror to put beside my desk.

Puzzled by this, I asked why. I mean, they can’t know that I’m that vain, can they? I try to keep that to myself and my friends and the internet at large. His answer was that the superior superior thinks that I need to watch myself while on the phone or dealing with clients, so that I can remember to smile.





E-NOUGH already!!!! It’s not as though I go around frowning, or spitting at people, or look like an inbred troll. For fuck’s sake, what IS it with people? For the life of me, I do not understand why people think they have any right or any place to tell me how to contort my facial features. I assure you, there are people far more unpleasant to look at than myself. So why am I the one getting all the comments on it?

I asked the superior if he was serious. He was, it had in fact been said by superior squared. I hit my desk. Hard. Twice in a row (looking back, there might have been a slightly more professional and corporately acceptable way to handle my feelings of rage, but at the time, I wasn’t able to see them). I started ranting like a crazy person about how this always happens, and every day of my life, people are all over me about this and even homeless people tell me to cheer up. Homeless people! They don’t have a fucking home! And they think I’M the miserable one?!?!

Mr. Superior looked slightly scared by my completely disproportional and over the top ‘response’ and then tried telling me that superior superior had only send it ‘in jest’. I accused him of lying to me, as I have never once seen the superior superior ‘jest’ about anything. No, no, that individual is not a jester. Then I started asking why it mattered so damned much, and why people expected me to grin seductively at my damned computer monitor all day anyways.

Mr. Superior took a pause. He then started laughing at me. At which point my exact response was, “Whatever. I’m working now. Go away”. He continued laughing. I glared. He then informed me that he has a very hormonal wife at home (she just had a baby) and that he walks the tightrope there and doesn’t need to be walking it at work.

That went over well.

I went on a ‘OH no! Don’t do that! Don’t you turn me into your nagging wife! Didn’t I tell you I had work to do? I was just sitting here minding my own business. I don’t know why everyone always says this to me!!’

From the far corner of the office, at this point we hear Emerald go, ‘(Superior’s Name), you have NO idea what sort of complex she has about this.’

Me: “Of COURSE I have a complex! People have been saying this to me my whole life! You’re right I have a complex!”

Mr. Superior laughed again. I turned back to my computer and ignored him til he left. As he was going, he asked if I was alright. I informed him that no, I was not alright, that I was pissed, and that there will be no mirror installed at my desk while I inhabit it.

Which may not be for much longer, if I keep freaking the hell out at work.

I think that’ll be my next tattoo. Right on my forehead. It will say, “If you tell me to smile, to cheer up, or comment that it can’t be that bad, or tell me not to look so happy about life, I will kick you. THEN who’s gonna be smiling?”

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go practice my Miss America fake smile in the mirror now. Or I may just go practice my kicking skills. Probably the latter.

You know who else didn’t smile and you never hear people telling HER to cheer up? In fact, they applaud and are intrigued by her face that reveals little of her inner thoughts…….


Yeah. Everyone leaves her alone.

Just call me Mona.


Comments on: "Please remember the name of this whole damned blog." (11)

  1. Man, what is it with people? How rude of them! Of course you were offended by their rudeness. Jeez.

    I’ve often had people ask me “what’s wrong” when there was absolutely nothing wrong just because I find it difficult to throw on a fake smile at the spur of the moment like normal people. So it’s not just you, or your face.

    It seems that the world would like me to walk around grinning permanently. People who do that are scary and often committed, so I’m not sure why it’s being demanded from me.

  2. My last job involved a few hours a week in a call centre. We put the mirrors up. I was skeptical. But I’d be on a particularily ugly call, and I’d catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror. Even if you couldn’t hear the words I was saying, you could totally tell by the look on my face that I was thinking, “You’re a fucking moron, doubtlessly the product of decades of inbreeding, and you deserve everything that’s happened to you…douchebag.” I hate to say it, but the mirror made me a little better at my job.

    The thing is, I didn’t want to BE better at that job. I really DID think those things about the people I was talking to. So I quit.

    Take from that what you will.

    When I talk to clients, I go out of my way (when face to face) to make sure my eyebrows are raised in that universal, ‘Please, open up to me, what you say matters and this is a safe place’ gesture. Apparently superior superior failed to notice this. I’m afraid if I had a mirror, I would overexaggerate it to look like Botox gone wrong.
    I support your move to quit, Ginny. I would have done it. Quitting is FUN.

  3. maleesha said:

    Oh my goodness. that is SO unfair. Maybe you need to get a custom button printed out and wear it all the time, like flair. Oh, that just sucks, it really really sucks. It almost seems like some kind of facial discrimination. The superiors are face-ists.

    Face-ism. That’s it. I’m starting a social movement to stop this crime against humanity and their faces…in all shapes and expressions!
    Next stop…parliament. I’ll march in there with some sort of anti-face-haters bill and cause a ruckus!

  4. It really IS unfair. “Face-ism” as maleesha notes, is definitely discrimination. Unfortunately, women with pretty faces like yours, talea, are often victims of this crime. Horny old men like me cannot allow your beauty to simply exist without commentary. It’s like involuntary flirtation. Yuk.

    This cuts both ways too. As a good-looking man who’s been the victim of this kind of treatment by women (in my younger days anyway), I really understand how tiresome this is. But the smile can be a very powerful shield.

    The mirror, as Ginny notes, might actually help, but should not be required unless one’s job involved direct contact with the public. A fake smile, once perfected, is indistinguishable from a genuine smile and can be a very useful tool. Kicking is more direct of course, but can lead to arrest, lawsuits, imprisonment, etc. 😀

    No, no, no. A smile is not a shield. When I smile, people talk to me. By not smiling, they seem to fuck off more often.
    I don’t come in contact with the public. I only come into contact with people who already have contracts with us, and nowhere in the contract does it say I have to smile. Or even be nice.
    But thank you for the roundabout compliment. 🙂

  5. joebecca said:

    “…and even homeless people tell me to cheer up. Homeless people! They don’t have a fucking home! And they think I’M the miserable one?!?!”

    one of the best lines ever. No doubt!

    We were given mirrors at work too, i work in a call center. I flip my mirror off. It makes me feel good and i see my “fuck you” skills are totally improving.

    That’d be fun. I’d probably start laughing at myself though, as I catch a reflection of me bashing my head in with the phone, while someone on the other end fails to grasp the concept and purpose of late fees.

  6. That’s the name of my sister and I can’t stand her so I will NOT call you that, however, I am still baffled that this occurs to you…the mirror-suggestion is appalling, and do you know HOW MANY dumb retarded office-fuckheads have cartoon smiles on their faces all day long? If I could COUNT all the money those smiling bobble-heads have collectively lost via their sheer stupidity…sigh…sorry dude.

    I KNOW! At my last job, the two smiliest people were the two biggest idiots! We paid them to do nothing but smile all day! They did nothing else! I’m too busy concentrating to smile. Dammit!

  7. I once got told the same thing when i was working in a supermarket. a customer laid a formal complaint because i didn’t smile at her child.

    I wanted to follow her outside, bash her over her head with her own poorly packed groceries and then smile the scariest motherfucking smile that child had ever seen. And then, when I was sure that they were both emotionally traumatised, I was going to calmy go back into the supermarket and resign.

    Instead my supervisor sent me on a 15 minute break.

    Some people need to get fucking lives….too bad for her kid, he’ll learn quicker that the world isn’t all Fisher Price happiness and special Barney songs, thanks to you!
    I would have been very tempted to do what you thought of doing. I’m not sure I could have resisted, I don’t have much of a soft spot for kids.

  8. Talea, my ass clown of boss thought i’d be a great idea to bring in all sizes and shapes of mirrors with crap that we could decorate them with so we also “could see ourselves smile while on the phone”.



    I feel your pain. I also had a supervisor that would say, every time I walked in at night, “Are you in a bad mood?” when I was perfectly fine. That’s ONE way to turn someone into a bad mood. She did it so much that one day I snarked at her and said, “What are you, the mood police?” and wrote her an email telling her to stop pointing out how I feel because she was WAY OFF!

    I think the quickest way to piss someone off is trying to “read” their silence. Haven’t they heard, SILENCE IS GOLDEN! This whole thing is putting ME in a pissy mood just thinking about it 😦

    Oh, I hope I didn’t ruin your day with my post! People ALWAYS ask me that, which of course immediately launches me into a bad/depressed mood. I hate it.
    I really don’t get why so many people are so intimidated and bothered by silence. There’s enough noise in the world, leave me be to my silence and deadpan face!
    Dammit! Now I’m pissy again!

  9. Necessary Simpsons reference: When the town rebuilds his house after a hurricane tears it down, Flanders asks everyone to look for “the happiest man in Springfield”. All of the town’s annoyed looks turn to a jolly fellow who says: “No friends, he’s talking about himself, but thanks for looking!”

    I’m sure there are people, probably the homeless if you ask me, who will be mocked because of their permanent grin. Don’t you worry Talea, you are eye candy of the best kind. I do expect a future post regarding your other tatoos, thank you very much.

    Ah, there’s a Simpson’s reference for everything. I think that was the same episode that had the ‘load-bearing’ poster. Loved it.
    I’d like to hear from these mocked smiley people, I wanna know if life is the same on the opposite end of the spectrum….somehow I doubt it, though I appreciate the attempt to make my struggle look less awful.
    When I get around to my second tattoo (I already have it planned), of course it’ll be posted.

  10. Wow, what a story, I was glued to the screen the entire time. Here is a stupid question, Fact or Fiction? either way you write very well..Thanks for sharing…

    Welcome to my site and thank you!
    Unfortunately, it was alllll fact. I don’t lie. I’m too blunt to make stuff up. Hehehe. Sadly, it really is my life.

  11. Fuck them fuck’n fucker fucks. Get to kick’n sister. 😛

    Fuckin’ eh!! Hahaha.

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