I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

We recently acquired the newest Guitar Hero release……..the AEROSMITH one.

There was no question whether or not this would find it’s way into our house. I worship Aerosmith. Most importantly, I am madly in love with Steven Tyler and want to have his babies, but that’s a whole other blog post. It’d probably also involve Vin Diesel and Ed Harris. Yeah. Ed Harris. Is there something wrong with that?

https://i1.wp.com/www.the-movie-times.net/pictdir3/actors/gallery/eharris/eharris9.jpg

Nope. Nothing wrong with that.

Anyhow, back to Guitar Hero. I love Guitar Hero. It’s tons of fun and provides for many heckling opportunities. It’s even better when alcohol is factored into the equation. What could be more fun than classic rock tunes, friends, plastic guitars, booze and a fake sense of stardom? Not much.

Until you throw in…….the boyfriend.

The boyfriend is truly a rarity when it comes to the world of Guitar Hero. In that he sucks so bad at it. He seems unphased by this fact. He’s aware of it, but cares not.

First off, Guitar Hero will make anybody dance. Even myself and the boyfriend. You can’t help it. If you don’t dance along, you’ll get booed off the stage, cuz you won’t be into it and you’ll miss all the notes. The boyfriend isn’t immune to this magical spell of Guitar Hero. But he doesn’t dance, he sort of….bops. There’s slight bending of the knees in a rather jerky manner. If he’s really into it, he’ll go back and forth, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

If you know the boyfriend, you can see why this is so hilarious. He’s just as serious looking as I am. He’s not one to ‘let loose’. If you don’t know the boyfriend, you may not see the humour. So I present another factor……the fact that his tongue is plastered to the side of his face throughout each song. He sticks out his tongue, to the left, always to the left and curls it up.

So we have jerky knee bouncing, random side-swaying, and a permanently stuck out tongue, like one of those dogs that always have them stuck to the side.

https://i0.wp.com/www.huskyrescue.org/images/dogs/rhonda_baby.jpg

Now, the boyfriend apparently has no hand-eye coordination whatsoever. I didn’t realize this really until this game came out. He can’t hit a note for his life. But he tries over and over and over, bless his heart. He really brutalizes the songs. It breaks my heart to hear Aerosmith mangled so wrecklessly. Poor Steven. And whoever the hell else is in his band. Whatevs, I concern myself only with Steven. The boyfriend claims to have an affliction he terms ‘the claw’, which prevents him from hitting anything other than the green and red keys. Or hitting any two keys at the same time. Or hitting any two keys that aren’t beside each other in succession. Or hitting any notes really quickly after one another. Or….you get the idea.

So he plays his own little tune, full of the clinks, clunks, feedback and silence that Guitar Hero feeds you when you miss your note. The songs are unrecognizable, but the laughter you get from watching and listening to this is unlike anything else out there.

When he quits, he insists on reliving each song. He’ll tell you how he almost hit that riff, and how the guitar was rubbing against his wrist, so all the blue notes were out. He claims to have ‘overplayed his ability’. You see, he simply kept on rocking out for too long and just started sucking.

Then while I laugh at his lame ass, he’s all, “It’s a hard song! You couldn’t do it either!”

Which is total crap. Cuz I’m the original Guitar Hero. No lies, I RULE at that game.

As long as it isn’t on anything above medium. Cuz once you have to start playing with the orange key, I’m totally fucked.

https://i2.wp.com/static.howstuffworks.com/gif/guitar-hero-illustration.gif

Stupid orange button.

Advertisements

Comments on: "Guitar Hero, the boyfriend and…Ed Harris?" (8)

  1. Oh.my.God…Ed Harris? No, no, no, no, no…he’s MY boyfriend, thankyouverymuch.

    You mean……I’m not the only one?! I thought I was totally going to get beaten up for liking him. Another similarity 2ld. Not a surprise!

  2. I’m coming over with wine and guitar ready hands. Now.

    Yes, I know I’m at work.

    I am SO in the mood for wine and guitar hero. I have been sober for a disgusting amount of time.

  3. Ed Harris? errrrr no thanks – you can have him!

    Boyfriend sounds hysterical – 2 left feet obviously!

    Yeah, I wouldn’t use the words ‘rhythmic’ or ‘coordinated’ to describe him.

  4. I bet if I had videogames, air guitar would no longer be my past time: Guitar Hero would save the day. That scene you describe, the boyfriend one, sounds funny as hell. I hope Guitar Hero provides lots of fun filled afternoon, noon, and nights for you. 🙂

    It’s a lovely way to pass the time, I assure you.

  5. I wouldn’t kick Ed Harris out of bed.

    Oh right…Guitar Hero. Well my younger brother got Rock Band for Christmas and he’s all about the drums, and I refuse to sing for him (cause that’s weird) but I love rockin’ out on the guitar…the 5th button scares the hell out of me too, and even on the 4th I’m average and fail sometimes, but I can rock that shit on “easy”, hahaha 😉

    PS: on the dancing….yuh-huh, like at the BARE MINIMUM you have to sway to the music in order for your songs to work.

    Word.

    Mmmmhmmm, Mr. Harris.
    I’m not so into the Rock Band thing, mostly cuz it would involve lots of people and I don’t like lots of people.
    I LOVE that you ended your comment with word. Yo.

  6. Dude, it’s ok to suck at guitar hero, that bitch is HARD. I suck, but I have more fun trying than I would winning anyway. And everyone sticks their tongue out when they play. You should try and watch the southpark episode about guitar hero, it was pretty true to life. Anyway, here’s a quick clip, tell me this isn’t just how you do it.

    I saw that SouthPark before we got the game and I thought ‘how are people so into this stupid game where you push five buttons in random sequence?’
    Then I got the game. And it all become clear to me.
    I don’t stick my tongue out. Nope.

  7. Video, we need video. 😛

    Dude, I SO tried to get it. I cleverly grabbed my camera out of my purse to tape him (unknown to him of course) but the battery was dead. My phone was too far away.
    Don’t worry, it’s a common occurrence, one day it shall be captured.

  8. Steven Tyler spends summers around where I live in New Hampshire. This summer a lot of the ladies I work with at the college have spotted him and it’s fun to watch them swoon. I think I might have seen him several Julys back gassing up his motorcycle in my town. If I see him this summer I’ll tell him that he should go find Talea in Toronto and play Guitar Hero with her and her boyfriend, but watch out for the tongue. K?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: