I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Help! Work is smothering my soul and sucking up my valuable life!!

I really don’t know how much longer I can take it. Days like these, I wish I had an anonymous blog, so I could go on and on and relay funny (aggravating) stories to you all. But alas, I do not have an anonymous blog, nor do I have a name where one could argue ‘that’s not me! There’s hundreds of Kristin’s who blog!’ That won’t fly when your name is Talea.

Le sigh.

In other news:

Dear Apartment 515:

Congratulations on your newly acquired puppy! They’re wonderful little bundles of energy, fur, tail wags and kisses. Though I’ve never met your new furball, I already know what it looks like. I’m willing to bet that it is small, white, perhaps part poodle and probably has those ugly brown stains that white dogs get around their eyes, nose and mouth.

How can I know this? Because, dear apartment 515, I was up until 3:30 AM last night, listening to your precious fucking pup bark NON. STOP.

Little Fifi barked for 4 hours last night. Consistently. Unending. Always ‘bark BARK, bark BARK…bark BARK, bark BARK’ but not really barking….more like squeaking. Like the most annoying yappy little dog squeak you can imagine. Well, dear neighbour, I’m sure you CAN imagine, I mean, it is your fucking dog and all. It yapped like those tiny white, perhaps part poodle, stained little dogs do.


Oh yeah? Bring it on, Fifi.

Though maybe you can’t imagine since you clearly weren’t home all night. How do I know? Because I dragged my pyjama clad self upstairs to kindly and humbly confront you and ask you to shove something down the dog’s throat in order to shut it up, lest I return with a shovel intended to connect with your sweet little puppy. I knocked quietly and then knocked loudly and you didn’t answer. I called security an hour later. You didn’t open the door for them either. Or the next time I called security, the next hour.

Puppies grow up fast, dear neighbour! Mine is 18 months and I can’t even believe it. So I urge you (nay, beg of you for the love of all things holy) to spend as much time as you can with the little fucker sweetie! Especially at night. Because puppies cry and yelp at night. TRUST ME. They need their responsible owners to threaten them to be quiet, or to finally give in and let them sleep in the bed with you so that they don’t whine, cry, yelp and yap all night long.

After a night like last night, I cannot promise you that I will not dropkick your 3 pound ‘dog’ down the hallway next time it pulls this amazing feat of endurance and persistence, barking for hours on end with absolutely NO reinforcement or response from anyone.

I don’t want to kick your dog. Well, not now. At 3:30 AM last night I sure as hell did. But in my more rational, caffeinated state of mind, though I still yearn to connect good and hard with its yappy mouth, I know that I shouldn’t. Mostly cuz I’ll get in a fuckton of trouble.

Though I just wrote a post about ignoring stuff, it didn’t include repetitive, high pitched, middle-of-the-night noises. Ignoring it isn’t going to work.

So help me, I will find you, you have to be home sometimes. I will relay my problem to you and I will expect a prompt resolution. Frankly, I don’t care if I make enemies with you. I’m moving in two weeks asshole! Hate me all you want!

Just please shut your dog up. Pleeeeeeeeeeease!!! I’m not above slipping a bit of scotch under the door to help your little baby relax. And pass out. Just sayin’ is all.




Comments on: "…and your little dog, too." (9)

  1. little yappy dogs annoy the living heck out of me. That’s why I’m going to own a puppy as big as a pony.

  2. For some reason I thought you had moved out already. So I read this post with a heavy heart thinking that you’d just moved in and already there’s this asshole with a sad dog! Phew. Let the countdown begin!

  3. mm…it could be worse–you could live above a porn-star in training as i did a few years back. it was sheer hell…when MY headboard started bouncing one night from the vibrations below, i knew it was time to move out.

  4. WHO in their right mind leaves a new puppy alone all night long. I think I would have had a stroke if I had to listen to that b.s. all night long. Love the picture! When I saw the title of your post in my reader I knew it was going to be good! 🙂

  5. Scotch?!?!? 😕 Might I suggest antifreeze? 😈
    It’ll make the pup good and quiet for a long long time.

  6. Your requests don’t come any sweeter and more reasonable than that (why oh why do people resist you?)…hopefully they put a muzzle on that pup, but alternatively, it would be cool to give it alcoholism before you fly the coop, haha 😉

  7. Talk to your landlord. I’ve been through this exact situation, and I hate it because that person is never going to get more responsible for their dog, no matter what you do.

  8. You’re moving again? Man, that sure must suck… but not as much as that barking puppy (am I right?)!

  9. ROFLMAO!! I linked over here from another blogger. Ok this post was flippin hilarious! I’m not laughing at you but I’m sure by now you know that you write some funny stuff. I’m just getting started reading but you are funny.

    uh yeah a gun through the floorboard might have shut the little “darling” up!

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