I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

That’s my grandma….

This is the kind of family half of my genes come from.

My grandma called me tonight just to make sure I hadn’t gone up in flames with the huge explosion in Toronto this weekend. I’m too lazy to link to it, a big propane storage facility exploded overnight on Saturday I think.

So after I confirmed that I was not a charred pile of ashes, she started talking about what’s going on with her.

She tells me that she shaved her cat, cuz it was too matted to comb out.

In the background, I hear my uncle scream: “Shaved pussy!!!”

And my grandma goes, “Did you hear that Toady (I dont know, she calls us all Toady)? Shaved PUSSY! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!”

Me: “Yes Grandma. I heard it. Oh my god.”

The woman is in her 70’s and has 7 kids and 11 grandchildren and still cracks pussy jokes. She also taught us all to say shithead when we were little and encouraged us to torment each other. Her and my grandpa still flirt with each other and call each other idiots. It’s hilarious. My dad says he doesn’t ever remember them fighting with each other.

So they might be a bit…off colour, but they’re something to model myself after as well.

Just not the lame jokes part.


Comments on: "That’s my grandma…." (20)

  1. They sound pretty cool. Toady, ha! That little story totally cracked me up and gave me new aspirations in life. 😉 Thanks.

    Wow, I dont think my blog has ever created any aspirations before!

  2. I hope I am lucky enough to find myself in a relationship that has a spark forever.

    Your grandfolks sound great 🙂

    It’s incredible to watch, very few people maintain that joking around/flirting stage for 50+ years! Very few people maintain anything for that long, come to think of it.

  3. i’m glad you didn’t blow up. your grandmere sounds like a hoot! tell me about toronto–i’m planning a trip there for 2009 and need to know what’s fun to do. 🙂

    I’m glad I didn’t blow up too! 🙂 Toronto is a GREAT city, I LOVE it. I can’t even tell you how much there is to do, you can’t fit it in all one trip!

  4. first smile of the day, thanks Talea!

    Ha, thanks!

  5. Dude, I’m totally all for making pussy jokes when I get old. Go hit up the other blog (www.800miles.wordpress.com and yes I just flagrantly advertised myself in your comments section), I’ve got a plan up for being a rocking granny. It involves public urination and embezzlement.

    I know it’s about Josh and I since it’s a coupley sort of blog, but I’m so taking you with me. I haven’t figured out the embezzlement part yet, so I’ll need your help.

    I’m not so good at embezzlement……let’s be honest, between the two of us, you’ll be likelier to think of some crazy illegal plan. I’ll just come along for the ride.

  6. whatigotsofar said:

    That sure beats my grandmother and her old world racist ways.

    Hmmm….but it still isn’t pleasant to hear your grandmother referencing genital landscaping…. :/

  7. My grandma makes anal lube jokes about my mother in law. LOVE crazy grandmas! Also, I’d love to have 7 kids and at least 11 grandkids. Well, maybe 7 is a bit much for Toronto, and maybe for Chris as well. I’ll settle for 4 or 5 and maybe 10 grandkids, and I’ll make them all say shithead. You can help!

    Crazy grandmas are the best, I love outspoken old people, they make my heart swell with snarky pride. I’ll totally help!

  8. That’s great Talea: having grandparents who love each other -not just stand each other- and have a sense of humor is something not everyone can include in their resumé.

    Thanks duffboy, I am quite lucky and I try to be aware of that!

  9. That’s fantastic…they are for SURE a go-to inspirational couple; I propose that they star in a line of Hallmark anniversary cards….seriously! 🙂

    That is HILARIOUS. The stuff they could come out with would be amazing and shocking and totally best-seller material. Some of the stuff I’ve heard them say in a houseful of children is priceless.

  10. Ooooh she sounds so cool! Can’t actually believe that she shaved a cat!!!

    I highly doubt she did it, I think someone did it for her. Somehow, I don’t see my grandma doing that…

  11. Ha! That’s awesome. It reminds me a little of my best friend’s grandparents. Every other word they say is GD this or F that. It’s so funny coming from old wrinkled people.

    Ha, yeah, my grandpa’s favourite saying is ‘fucking guy!’ As in, ‘I don’t know what he was thinking…fucking guy!’

  12. Dude, we had this runt cat back in the day when I lived in a party house with a bunch of my friends. It got some abscess on it’s leg and had to be shaved. The best part was that it was really skinny and long haired, so only the head and feet still had big poofs of hair. We made a lot of shaved pussy jokes too. I don’t think crude humor will ever get old for me. I don’t care who you are, a good fart is just funny, and genitals are a treasure trove of comedy.

    Your Grandma sounds pretty cool. Mine are all square, but they are all interesting in their own ways.

    Yeah, both my grandmas are pretty cool. This one is more outwardly crazy, but the other one drinks a lot of beer and whistles at cowboys.

  13. my nanas joke goes “what did the blind man say when he walked past the fish shop?”
    “afternoon ladies!”

    Ha! Mittins, I read this when I was at work and started cracking up in front of my monitor….I may have looked crazy. Meh.

  14. Oh, just you wait! You’ll be spewing lame jokes out your butt crack just like your Nana! It’s genetic. You won’t be able to stop yourself.

    Trust me. It’s already started with me.


    Oh trish…that truly IS tragic. You just lose your filter over time?

  15. I love a grandma who cracks totally inappropriate jokes. I wish mine did.

    Mine makes enough for both of us. Don’t you worry.

  16. As a dog groomer, I have lots of people ask me if I groom cats, but I don’t. I always want to tell them that the only pussy I shave is my own. 😛

    Ah! TMI!! Hehehe, that could lead to some serious awkward silences……but they’d be pretty hilarious.

  17. LOL. I haven’t met your grandparents but I think I love them already. I don’t have any living grandparents left so maybe they can adopt me. 😉 I think it’s awesome that nobody remembers them ever fighting.

    You are so blessed to have them and they are blessed to have, and still be able to enjoy, each other. If those jokes help, then all the power to them. You go, grandma and grandpa!

  18. Oh, almost forgot – Talea, I wanted to get to your other blog again but I lost my way! Is there a link you can direct me to?

    Yep, it is http://www.taleapanics.wordpress.com

  19. Is there such a thing as a lame pussy joke? Your granny sounds like a real hoot! That’s wicked awesome to have a grandma with a great sense of humor- and how sweet that they still flirt! She sounds feisty! I hope to still have that same spirit at that age, but I’ll probably just spend my older years napping. Cuz I’m a napper, that’s what I do!

  20. This has to be one of my favorite posts in a long time (across all the blogs that I read). Call me a sap, but I love that your dad can’t remember them fighting and that they still crack each other up. I am pretty sure my husband and I (disgustingly in love as we are AND dorks on top of that) will live our life that way.

    By the way … since this is my 1st comment/1st time here, I am from Colorado. My dad is originally from Toronto, Sarnia to be precise. I have a sweet love affair with Canada and the sweets that you guys can get there that we can’t get there. Oh, and your health care / maternity shit.

    can’t wait to read more from you!

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