I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

So yes, I apparently fell off the blog wagon recently. I know, I know. I have no idea why, but my life is too boring to write about and I’ve not had any amazing ideas or anything lately.

I still have no amazing ideas, but I do have some rants that are always good for a post. So here we go:

– It is Thanksgiving here in Canadaland. I should be testing the limits of my stomach and intestinal system with turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie and assorted mandatory vegetables. In reality though, I’m sitting here with a half-eaten bowl of macaroni and cheese, plus too much ketchup. I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving. I fucking love turkey! Ha. I’m really homesick, I wanted to go. But I can’t. Because for me to fly two provinces over, would have cost me $800-$1000.
Yeah. Fuck you too, Canadian Airline Industry. Why is it that I could fly to fucking Europe 2 or 3 times before I can go two damned provinces over? I know, I know, nobody goes to Saskatchewan, so it’s expensive. Well pardon me all to hell for not being from one of our three damned ‘big’ cities. Why does nobody do something about this? We subsidize the fuck out of everything else in this country, but we can’t travel within it? It’s FAR too big a country to just drive around in (hello, 3 day drive to go home), and I for one am sick and fucking tired of paying a month’s rent to go home for one weekend. Someone fix this! And where the hell is my turkey?!

– Could we all just GET OVER Sarah Palin? For the love of Pete, what is up with America’s fascination with that woman? Okay, so she’s a chick in politics. Le gasp. She’s kind of hot in that naughty librarian way. Le gasp. She has a baby with Down’s Syndrome. Le gasp. She sounds like an inbred Minnesotan and is probably banging McCain. Le gasp. She’s sort of stupid, but does all of this warrant her 24/7 media coverage? Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t America have more important stuff to be focusing on right about now? Like your shit-ass economy? Your billion dollar a week war? The fact that the rest of the world wants to beat you up for talking about Palin all the time? I would rather watch paint dry than listen to more speculation on her. Seriously.

– Stephane Dion. For all you non-Canucks, you’re all asking ‘who?’ Stephane Dion is the latest douchebag to top my ‘If I Ever Meet Them I Will Kick Them In The Groin and Laugh at Their Immense Pain’ list. Canada is having a federal election on Tuesday (unlike some countries, we don’t campaign for two damned years ahead of time, it’s a nice month-long ordeal, very polite, very unobtrusive, simple and sweet, just like Canadians like to do things). Mr. Dion (yes, as in Celine) is running as the leader of the Liberals.
If Canadians are retarded enough to vote the Liberals into power, and he ends up representing me to the world, mark my words, I will throw myself off of a tall building, wearing a shirt that says ‘Dion made me do it.’ Monsieur Dion, je te deteste.

– I love my old fashioned radiators. I’ve never had radiators, always central heat. I was scared of them, but they are fantastic die-hard workers. Though I fear they are trying to kill me. After they’ve been on for a while, my whole apartment is hazy….as though there is something being emitted from them. It is my paranoid delusion that someone has put something in them. But I hate being cold, so I guess I’ll take my chances.

– There is something stinky in my fridge. I don’t know what. I don’t feel like finding out, so so far today I’ve eaten out exclusively. Ha! Take that, smelly fridge! I don’t need you, the corner store can fulfill all my needs. I don’t need to open you.

– Dudes, seriously…….where’s my turkey? Ou est ma dinde? I think that’s the french translation….I’m feeling bilingual today.

– I really hate musicals. Really.

– So they’ve started comparing this economic downturn to the Great Depression. Super idea, media moguls. Because we’ve all never heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy. One way to create an economic recession? Tell people there’s an economic recession. People are like lemmings…one jumps, we all jump. Soon you’ve got the whole world raking their money back into their accounts, away from the stock market cuz you’ve spooked them all and now, would you look at that, the stock markets suck.
And here’s the real kicker…….Canada’s not even in a recession yet. But when they interview Suzy Soccer Mom on the news at 6, she’s petrified. Why? Because she is a dumb lemming. She heard something somewhere about money and her husband’s been too busy sleeping with the secretary to come home and explain it to her, so she’s crying now cuz her little Johnny is going to grow up in the Depression, v 2.0.
Canada……have you not heard about the IMF’s little study about how we’re doing alright? I know, we’re just America’s Hat and all that, but we do actually have a seperate economy…….pay attention to it.


Look, she’s not worried. She’s so damned carefree she didn’t even bother putting pants on!

– Ha. Sometimes I’m such a bitch.

– I only have one channel now, cuz I can’t afford cable (no, nothing to do with the economy, more to do with my sad salary). This one channel shows me a plethora of dancing shows. I am now addicted. I’m so ashamed. Damn you CTV!

– Second Cup needs to train their coffee making people (I refuse to use the term barista) more carefully. Some listening skills chapter needs to be added to their training manual. Every time I go there and ask for a WHITE mocca, I get a mocca. Notice the lack of white. Every time, I repeat it at the cash register, and every time, they present me with a ‘medium, skim, mocca’. I question, ‘White mocca?’ and then they give me the look of death, dump the coffee and go to work making what I actually ordered. If you don’t want to make it, kindly remove it from your menu and I will stop ordering it.

– Dear Bank: When I went to you this week to close out our petty cash account, I was appalled that you made me roll my own fucking pennies. Um, were you shitting me? I felt like the kid who had to stand in the corner when you set me up at an abandoned wicket and made me count them out in multiples of 50’s and then fight with the stupid coin roller wrapper thingies and then get back into line afterwards. You’re a bank. Aren’t you supposed to roll my pennies for me?? Douchebags. Why don’t you have those stupid coin counter thingies? Ugh.

Okay. I think I’m done now. Hopefully that will get me back into blogging. I miss my blog, because I think I’m funny and when I’m bored, I totally re-read my own posts. I also really love comments.

Conceited? Pft. I know not of what you speak of.



Comments on: "And furthermore! I’m in a ranty mood today…" (17)

  1. I’ve missed your ranting! Welcome back.

    I’m glad! Thank you.

  2. YAY your back!!

    I know more about sarah palin than i do about my own countrys election thing whatever lol

    I just said something slightly mean about her too.

    “She has a retarded son and a pregnant whore for a daughter”.

    Oh well. Just make sure everyone in USA doesnt vote for her because she is going to take woman back to the 1800’s where they’ll all be barefoot and pregnant around the kitchen.

    enough about her already! gosh!!

    Pregnant whores…..tsk, tsk, when will they learn?
    I’m not American and I’m glad, cuz honestly, I think both of their presidential candidates suck some hardcore ass.

  3. ROFFLMAO!!! Where in the world have you been? Holy crap ..just talk about anything ..even on a boring day you are more interesting than the majority of people on the internet.
    Wanna go on a rant a thon with me? I’m full of rants these past few days. Cliques of undeserved nature are my last rant.

    as far as Palin…give us Americans time to get over the fact at least when she speaks she makes sense πŸ™‚ The one thing I’m thinking is if she goes shooting with her co-workers at least she knows how to handle a gun and we won’t have a repeat of the Chenney incident.
    I’m all about letting them draw straws cuz they speak nothing but lies. ALL of them!

    anyhow once again you make me laugh. I always want to say..hey Talea …tell us what you REALLY think …don’t hold back! You are a riot!

    Yeah, I”m not one for holding it back. I always warn people when they ask me a question if they really want to know the answer, cuz they will get the honest truth from me. People love it or hate it, it seems.
    And I LOVED when your vice president shot his friend while hunting. Ah. Hilarity.

  4. Wow. Dude. One of your best rants. Ever.

    …did you know that as you were typing this?

    Well that’s a hell of a way to come back…

    And I was loving your use of French! I haven’t thought of a turkey as “dinde” in a LONG time, hahaha πŸ™‚ …and don’t even get me started on potatoes being “pommes de terre”…ahh, I love me some French πŸ˜‰

    Romi, I totally did. I totally knew it as the words flew from my fingers to the screen that I was ranting on an epic level and surpassing my rant greatness.
    In french, I would say, “Oui Romi, je sais” Cuz I don’t know the past tense of know in french.

  5. Tres bien rantee (yes, I just made up a French verb for you – can’t say I don’t care and I do know where the accents should be but i don’t have a canuck keyboard set up on this computer so please forgive me…)

    Your rants are hilarious and divine and inspiring. If I may add:

    When I flew to see my folks recently the airline was doing a pilot program of MAKING YOU TAG YOUR OWN BAGS.

    Yes. I had checked in on line but I had to check in again so that the machine could print my baggage tags so that I could put them on myself so that I could wait in line ANYWAY with a three year-old whining about “Tomato Chips” (Ketchup for those of you who do not know) at 9am so that the one person they had at a counter could make sure we’d DONE IT RIGHT.


    I have ranted about banks for years now. I mean occasionally at bankers themselves… With props and diagrams when necessary and I might have started to just throw pennies around like shrapnel if they’d made me roll my own for a business account… I mean, really – cops with megaphones and “get down from there you fucking whack job” would likely have ensued… but this business with tagging my own bags was the stuff of slow-steaming RAGE.

    Oh, and you know what’s great about old radiators. You get to bleed them. Yes. That’s right. Bleed them. Dramatic. Vampiric. A little gross. But fun too. Perhaps that is what they need???

    Anyway – thank you for the ranting and for the laughs. Well needed. Well needed indeed.

    Who would make stressed out plane passengers tag their own bags? Who the hell knows where they’d wind up? I would refuse to do that, unless they refunded some of my money. The exorbitant price should include some fucking tagging services! Harumph.

  6. whoa…that’s some serious ranting. you covered more issues in one post than i have in almost a year of blogging. ha!

    happy belated turkey day. i hate turkey unless it’s cold on a sandwich). i love gravy.

    the us version of thanksgiving (thanksgiving 2.0) is coming sometime in the next few weeks and i’m looking forward to mountains of mashed potatoes, green beans, stuffing, and ‘thanksgiving sandwiches’. (cold turkey on white toast with cranberry sauce, stuffing, lettuce)

    Thanksgiving 2.0….adorable. Yeah, you guys are all big on green beans down there aren’t you? My turkey sandwiches are toast, buttered, with warmed turkey, stuffing, graving and cranberries. It’s an open faced sandwich and just turns into a mess, but it’s sooooooooo good.

  7. Okay, I just started reading you, and I think I’m a wee bit smitten. But, what I really wanted to say is that I am totally jealous of your radiators. Mostly. But mainly because of this… have you SEEN THIS?


    you need it. πŸ™‚

    I’m smitten with YOU, because you used the word ‘smitten’! I love it!
    And I saw that thing, and yes, I do need it. I’d put all sorts of smelly stuff on it, to waft the smelliness about.

  8. Holy shit T – you have the best fucking rants EVER. I am jealous of your superior ranty-ness. πŸ™‚

    It’s taken years to hone this skill of mine. Dedication. I has it.

  9. Hahaha, best rant ever. I agree with you on pretty much everything here, but in point by point format (since I am your best bud and all and clearly need to devote buckets of undying attention to your blog if I’m going to get you to write more often – dammit!) here goes:

    – That airline thing is just plain shitty, and I feel really guilty that I can fly to NC much cheaper. Now if I could just mire through the passport process, can we rant about that?

    – If getting over Sarah Palin means getting over Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin, then no. I love the fuck out of Tina Fey.

    – Dude, if the Liberals had one, I seriously would have picked up the phone, called Josh and said “get me the fuck down there NOW cause I am about to not be able to afford ANYTHING.” Good thing I’m sticking around, huh? πŸ˜‰

    – Please don’t drop any plastic coasters in your heaters. My grandmother did that. It’s really not fun to be admonished by a cute firefighter for something your grandmother did. Cause it’s not like you can say “But…but, it’s that sweet old lady’s fault!” because they don’t know that my grandmother threatens crucifiction and homicide.

    – I had to clean out the fridge before moving into my very first apartment because the previous tenant didn’t get a chance to do so before being taken to jail. There was more food in there before I cleaned it than at any point while I lived there. No sympathy, sorry πŸ˜›

    – I’m sorry I didn’t cook you a massive Turkey dinner. I don’t know if I’ll be around for next year, but if I am, I will cook one for you. At least we got to stuff our faces on the patio this year.

    – I really like musicals. I’m sorry 😦 Though I haven’t seen any good ones recently, so maybe only Phantom of the Opera was good.

    – I know, right?!? WE’RE NOT FUCKED!!! Yet. We would have been if the Liberals had one. Now we’ll be good as long as people stop pissing and moaning about programs that we can’t really afford right now.

    – You can come over and watch one of my five (count ’em, FIVE) channels any time you want πŸ˜›

    – Starbucks, seriously.

    – That bank, in particular, sucks ass. Did you get Lauren? She’s the worst, she makes a mistake every friggin’ time I go in.

    And yeah, I read my own blogs to. Everything I crap out is pure, unadulterated genius.

  10. Why do I keep typing ‘one’ instead of ‘won’?!? Can you hit me or something please? Thanks.

    I’m glad you acknowledged it, cuz it was pissing me off.

  11. Too funny!! Thank you for the laughs. πŸ™‚

    Thanks for reading. πŸ™‚

  12. whoa. You do give a good rant. Em’s comment is a good addition, too.

    Some people are just born ranters.

  13. hahahaha….I love when you bust out the French, that sealed it even more for me! πŸ™‚ And shit, what’s the past tense of “know”…umm…”J’ai savais?”…no, that sounds like some kind of wrong…damn French.

    I dont know why, but random french phrases have stuck in my head over the years. I’ll never forget ‘je peux acheter une banane’. Yes, I can buy a banana. But I can’t remember if banana is masculine or feminine according to the french. Meh.

  14. Man, if The Great Depression V. 2.0 means hot chicks with no pants, I’m SO there! Yeah, people are going paranoid city with this so called economic crash. Meanwhile, I quit my mid class sorta high paying job and started working part time at a movie rentals place. Sure beats having to hate myself everyday for putting up with idiots. High 5 for Duffboy?

    Double high 5 for Duffboy! I wish I could do that. Good for you!!

  15. […] |   Talea’s not alone when it comes to some blog hang time, where we disappear into a blogless void. It’s scary, let me tell you. My internet time/access ain’t what it used to be, so […]

  16. “Could we all just GET OVER Sarah Palin? For the love of Pete…”

    Why do you have to drag me into this??? πŸ˜‰

  17. Thank God Dion didnt win eh? I have to admit I read the comments people post on the cbc.ca stories, and jeez fuck the Liberal lovers were all over there and had me so worried that the lemmings would actually listen to their fear mongering nonsensical crap. I hear ya about Palin… only thing covered more is the Caylee Anthony story on Nancy Grace… drives me outta my mind. I want to kick Nancy Grace.

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