So yes, I apparently fell off the blog wagon recently. I know, I know. I have no idea why, but my life is too boring to write about and I’ve not had any amazing ideas or anything lately.
I still have no amazing ideas, but I do have some rants that are always good for a post. So here we go:
– It is Thanksgiving here in Canadaland. I should be testing the limits of my stomach and intestinal system with turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie and assorted mandatory vegetables. In reality though, I’m sitting here with a half-eaten bowl of macaroni and cheese, plus too much ketchup. I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving. I fucking love turkey! Ha. I’m really homesick, I wanted to go. But I can’t. Because for me to fly two provinces over, would have cost me $800-$1000.
Yeah. Fuck you too, Canadian Airline Industry. Why is it that I could fly to fucking Europe 2 or 3 times before I can go two damned provinces over? I know, I know, nobody goes to Saskatchewan, so it’s expensive. Well pardon me all to hell for not being from one of our three damned ‘big’ cities. Why does nobody do something about this? We subsidize the fuck out of everything else in this country, but we can’t travel within it? It’s FAR too big a country to just drive around in (hello, 3 day drive to go home), and I for one am sick and fucking tired of paying a month’s rent to go home for one weekend. Someone fix this! And where the hell is my turkey?!
– Could we all just GET OVER Sarah Palin? For the love of Pete, what is up with America’s fascination with that woman? Okay, so she’s a chick in politics. Le gasp. She’s kind of hot in that naughty librarian way. Le gasp. She has a baby with Down’s Syndrome. Le gasp. She sounds like an inbred Minnesotan and is probably banging McCain. Le gasp. She’s sort of stupid, but does all of this warrant her 24/7 media coverage? Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t America have more important stuff to be focusing on right about now? Like your shit-ass economy? Your billion dollar a week war? The fact that the rest of the world wants to beat you up for talking about Palin all the time? I would rather watch paint dry than listen to more speculation on her. Seriously.
– Stephane Dion. For all you non-Canucks, you’re all asking ‘who?’ Stephane Dion is the latest douchebag to top my ‘If I Ever Meet Them I Will Kick Them In The Groin and Laugh at Their Immense Pain’ list. Canada is having a federal election on Tuesday (unlike some countries, we don’t campaign for two damned years ahead of time, it’s a nice month-long ordeal, very polite, very unobtrusive, simple and sweet, just like Canadians like to do things). Mr. Dion (yes, as in Celine) is running as the leader of the Liberals.
If Canadians are retarded enough to vote the Liberals into power, and he ends up representing me to the world, mark my words, I will throw myself off of a tall building, wearing a shirt that says ‘Dion made me do it.’ Monsieur Dion, je te deteste.
– I love my old fashioned radiators. I’ve never had radiators, always central heat. I was scared of them, but they are fantastic die-hard workers. Though I fear they are trying to kill me. After they’ve been on for a while, my whole apartment is hazy….as though there is something being emitted from them. It is my paranoid delusion that someone has put something in them. But I hate being cold, so I guess I’ll take my chances.
– There is something stinky in my fridge. I don’t know what. I don’t feel like finding out, so so far today I’ve eaten out exclusively. Ha! Take that, smelly fridge! I don’t need you, the corner store can fulfill all my needs. I don’t need to open you.
– Dudes, seriously…….where’s my turkey? Ou est ma dinde? I think that’s the french translation….I’m feeling bilingual today.
– I really hate musicals. Really.
– So they’ve started comparing this economic downturn to the Great Depression. Super idea, media moguls. Because we’ve all never heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy. One way to create an economic recession? Tell people there’s an economic recession. People are like lemmings…one jumps, we all jump. Soon you’ve got the whole world raking their money back into their accounts, away from the stock market cuz you’ve spooked them all and now, would you look at that, the stock markets suck.
And here’s the real kicker…….Canada’s not even in a recession yet. But when they interview Suzy Soccer Mom on the news at 6, she’s petrified. Why? Because she is a dumb lemming. She heard something somewhere about money and her husband’s been too busy sleeping with the secretary to come home and explain it to her, so she’s crying now cuz her little Johnny is going to grow up in the Depression, v 2.0.
Canada……have you not heard about the IMF’s little study about how we’re doing alright? I know, we’re just America’s Hat and all that, but we do actually have a seperate economy…….pay attention to it.
Look, she’s not worried. She’s so damned carefree she didn’t even bother putting pants on!
– Ha. Sometimes I’m such a bitch.
– I only have one channel now, cuz I can’t afford cable (no, nothing to do with the economy, more to do with my sad salary). This one channel shows me a plethora of dancing shows. I am now addicted. I’m so ashamed. Damn you CTV!
– Second Cup needs to train their coffee making people (I refuse to use the term barista) more carefully. Some listening skills chapter needs to be added to their training manual. Every time I go there and ask for a WHITE mocca, I get a mocca. Notice the lack of white. Every time, I repeat it at the cash register, and every time, they present me with a ‘medium, skim, mocca’. I question, ‘White mocca?’ and then they give me the look of death, dump the coffee and go to work making what I actually ordered. If you don’t want to make it, kindly remove it from your menu and I will stop ordering it.
– Dear Bank: When I went to you this week to close out our petty cash account, I was appalled that you made me roll my own fucking pennies. Um, were you shitting me? I felt like the kid who had to stand in the corner when you set me up at an abandoned wicket and made me count them out in multiples of 50’s and then fight with the stupid coin roller wrapper thingies and then get back into line afterwards. You’re a bank. Aren’t you supposed to roll my pennies for me?? Douchebags. Why don’t you have those stupid coin counter thingies? Ugh.
Okay. I think I’m done now. Hopefully that will get me back into blogging. I miss my blog, because I think I’m funny and when I’m bored, I totally re-read my own posts. I also really love comments.
Conceited? Pft. I know not of what you speak of.