I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Leaving on a jet plane

I’m leaving in a few hours to go to Tex-Ass.

My fear of flying is well documented on the pages of this here blog. On my last flight to see the boyfriend, I discovered that this fear is diminished greatly by the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol.

When I realized this, the world opened up to me. Literally. I can fly now! I just have to be slightly messed up, so that turbulence is more ‘wheeeee!’ than ‘Oh my God, we’re going down! ohmygodohmygodohmygod, I can’t breathe, I’m about to hurdle 20,000 feet to my death in a giant metal tube that I knew I shouldn’t have gotten onto in the first place. Oh god….did I leave my stove on?? AHHHHHHHHH’

Flying is kind of like that for me. Never fun. And I have taken dozens of types of drugs to knock me out on a plane, but my fear overpowers them all. Hahaha! Take THAT pharmaceutical industry!

So for my trip to Tex-ass (SO don’t want to go), that was my plan of attack. Board the plane in an inebriated state. But since I was so against acknowledging this trip, I only checked the time of my flight last night. I take off at 2 PM. That means that I’d have to start drinking far too early to get drunk enough to be on a 3 hour plane ride.

I’m fucked.

I’m taking my knitting with me. God help those sons of bitches if they won’t let me on the plane with sharp pointy sticks. Oh, the knitting may be the only thing that will keep me calm.

Come to think of it, maybe not being able to drink isn’t a terrible thing. Drinking + knitting = WTF was I doing?? Each time I’ve attempted that, I’ve woken up the next morning with no respect for the knitting beside me. Ha. It is hideous, misshapen and out of pattern.

Anyways, blah blah blah, I’m awake at 9 FUCKING AM on a Sunday for this bloody trip.

This does not bode well. Stay tuned for updates from the Uuuuuuuunited States of America (said with a twangy American accent). I’m sure I’ll have a bunch of time to update y’all (see? I’m in the spirit of the south already) while I’m down there.

Send good plane vibes please!!!

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Comments on: "Leaving on a jet plane" (9)

  1. sending them and have fun!

  2. Sorry I’m late send my good vibes, as you are probably somewhere over the U.S. as I type. 🙂 Hang it there. It’s still the safest way to travel. 😉 I’m looking forward to your U.S. update. 😀

  3. QueenBitch said:

    I sent you a ton of good plane vibes while i was asleep and im here now sending a few more. Please dont come back with an American accent.

  4. Haha, I’m sure it was worth it for that sweet hotel room. I won’t tell the boss, I promise 😉

  5. Yay, I read on my facebook that you arrived safely! I look foward to hearing some Texas-style tales throughout the week 😉

  6. hee hee…i have no words of encouragement. if i would have read this sooner i would have begged you not to get on board the plane. i would rather walk from new jersey to texas instead of flying. 🙂 good luck on the return trip.

  7. damn I missed it! Well if you flew over Iowa I hope you waved. And hope you have internet access while you are there. I’m sure you can get lots of Dumbass videos there.

  8. Good vibes, good vibes, good vibes, but I already know you’re there cuz it said so on FaceBook 🙂

  9. When is the return flight? I missed your trip out so I am sending best plane vibes for your safe return.

    Looking forward to hearin’ summa that Tes-ass tawkin’ when y’all gits back ta home!

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