I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

The Rundown on Texas.

Okay, so here’s my trip update, as I’m sure you’re all dying to hear. It’s in point form, cuz I’m lazy.

  • First off, I’m disappointed in the lack of Texas here. Nobody has said yee-haw. I have yet to see a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, antlers on the front of someone’s truck or a shirt saying, “I ate 96 oz’s of steak at ____ bar and got this t-shirt’
  • I love twang. The twangy accent works for me.
  • I get American fatness. Their bags of chips are bigger, their chocolate bars are bigger, finding diet pop is impossible, their milk cream is creamier, everything is fried and the portions are gigantic. Also, food is stupidly cheap, making it easy to gorge. I’m pretty sure I’ve put on weight in 3 days here.
  • I have been dubbed ‘Canada’. People here are fascinated with me and the fact that I live up there. However, the ignorance of Americans never fails to astonish, anger and offend me (present company excluded……….maybe). I have answered ‘where’s Toronto again?’ so many times I can’t even tell you. We have one major city. It’s in the middle of the fucking country. How hard is it to know where it is? I think I’ve figured it out. American geography lessons must go like this: They look at a globe or a map. There is one chunk of land, called ‘USA’ and then, fucktons of ocean. That’s it. That’s all they know, it’s all they see. I had one chick here argue with me that Saskatchewan was in New York. When I told her she’s a moron, she argued with me and then said, ‘Well, it’s obviously a native AMERICAN word’. Yeah. Cuz those native americans really respected the boundary between USA and Canada before the two countries existed and we surely could not have had any native americans in Canada. Plus, it’s SASKATCHEWAN you retard. Like there’s two of them. Bitch, please.
  • I have a surprise for you all. I want to tell you so bad, but I took a picture of it and don’t have my cable here to upload it, so I’m going to wait til I get home to tell you and show you.
  • My training here is stupid. Mostly because it goes like this: “Blah blah blah, this form…….oh, it doesn’t apply to Canada…….blah blah blah this process, though I don’t think Canada does it this way……….yada yada yada follow this procedure, but it doesn’t work like that in Canada.” Wow. Glad I came.
  • Everybody here is shockingly nice. Seriously. Not stereotypically rude in any way, shape or form. It is a very pleasant surprise.
  • I got to go to VICTORIA’S SECRET for the very first time in my life. OH MY GOD. I was in Heaven. We told the manager we don’t have them in Canada and that we’d never been and intended to spend a lot of money. She quickly became our best friend. We spent an hour and a half there. I spent waaaaaaaaaaaay too much. But, I don’t care. I have been waiting, wishing, hoping, needing to go to Victoria’s Secret for 25 years and goddammit, I was going to buy whatever I wanted! We’re talking a few hundred bucks here. Like, a lot. And I couldn’t be more pleased. I have popped my Victoria’s Secret cherry and it was a damn good time. If you’re in Dallas, go to the Galleria Mall and tell Dee the Manager that the Canadian girls sent you. She’ll look after ya.
  • I sudden want to start saying y’all. And fixin’. Fantastic.
  • The hotel room is N I C E. This place is sweet.

I think that’s all I want to say about it now. I’m exhausted and not quite sure what time it is (who knew Dallas was in a different time zone? Not me), so I’m now going to sleep.

Night Y’all!!

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Comments on: "The Rundown on Texas." (14)

  1. QueenBitch said:

    Does the American food taste different as well? I know it does to nz food.

    Do we get to see pics of the things you brought at Victoria’s Secret ? That sounds like a perve.. Just take pics of the stuff on the bed or something… I like pretty underwear things…

    Hope you have a good time 🙂

  2. That’s my impression of Amercans whenever I leave my house. I’m not much better with geography, although I think I can see Russia from work.

  3. whatigotsofar said:

    Did you notice your own irony?
    I’m disappointed in the lack of Texas here. Nobody has said yee-haw. I have yet to see a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, antlers on the front of someone’s truck or a shirt saying, “I ate 96 oz’s of steak at ____ bar and got this t-shirt’
    then
    However, the ignorance of Americans never fails to astonish, anger and offend me

    It seems like you don’t know much about them either.

    I also think American geography classes are more difficult than our Canadian ones. We’ve got 10 provinces and 3 territories and their capitals to memorize. They’ve got 50.

  4. Talea, so glad you are there safely and what a disappointment that the whole reason you are there to learn about your job process and it “doesn’t really include Canada”. I’m looking forward to seeing your mystery picture. Also, dude- I am FAT, not all Americans are. Also, not all Americans are stupid, rude, classless, it’s just funny to me that you have this idea. That to me is the equivalent of ME, getting into an argument with a person of East Indian descent and than saying, “I hate ALL stupid fucking EAST INDIANS (or insert slang here).”

    C’mon, I’m American and you LOVE me, so, we ALL can’t be bad.

    However, your blog, your thoughts- your BLOG! You can think, say, write, whatever the hell you want- but I am American and proud of it. AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME MAN!

  5. I’m glad to hear you’re having a good time over all, even if the training is a bit of a drag, despite the geographical ignorance of us Americans. And would you believe our candy bars and bags of chips were even bigger before the economy got all wonky. I’m looking forward to your pictures and surprise, and a little lingerie modeling would be totally sweet. 😛 Or not. 😐

    In defense of Americans being not so sharp in the geography department, it’s hard to keep such facts straight when we are constantly being distracted by really good, really fattening foods, and by super sexy chicks running around all decked out in their Victoria’s Secret garb. In the warmer months that’s all they wear. :mrgreen:

  6. Dude, you better be coming back with some of those bra’s in MY size. Do they even carry my size? Probably not. Boo.

    And hurry the hell up and get back here, would you? I’m going retarded without you!

    Oh, and ask miss dumbass if she can point out ‘The Saskatchewan’ on like, a map or such as. Moron.

  7. Welcome to the good old U. S. of A., Talea! Where the food is ample and greasy, the people are fat and ignorant, and the twang really hits ya between the ears!

    Oh, except that’s wrong. Most of us are just like you. Except some of us don’t know squat about your country but we are eager to learn!

    Oh, and Toronto is on my must-visit list!

    I can’t wait to see what your big secret is!! Hurry! Inquiring minds want to know!!

  8. ROFLMAO…go hunt down a Hot Topic..the goodies in that store make the stuff from Victorias Secret look like it came from a nun shop 😉

    hey…just for shits and giggles can you make a trip to Iowa..cuz I’d LOVE to get your impression on us 🙂

    Oh my gosh you are so freakin cracking me up with this shit!

    btw..most of my friends are from Canada! 🙂

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  10. I am so glad you got the accent 😉

  11. I remember my first trip to Victoria’s Secret; it was the one in NYC, and for some reason it was mostly staffed by young teenage boys…was yours like that too? Anyhoo I found this to be so very odd, and as a result I felt totally self-conscious while I was picking things out (but also I liked the leering eyes a little….hahaha 😉 )

  12. Did you know you were one letter short of typing “I love wang”? LOL! Now, I hope that surprise is Victoria Secret related. My depressed self needs some Talea in Lingerie 😉

  13. Ok…looking for a tattoo of a typewriter which lead me to buck which lead me to you. and I must say, as an American that we are indeed ‘Fucktards’.

    collectively speaking.

    those of us who aren’t, feel really guilty about the rest though. and what is more mind numbingly impressive than liberal guilt?

    love the bloggy blog.

  14. Well, speaking as a Texan and for most Texans, we ain’t fucking retards or morons. Fucktards, some, maybe. But this gal can yee haw you to death, and tell you exactly how many provinces and their capitals y’all have up there in them lands you call Canada. I knows my history, doggoneit. I knows my English lessons, and I damn well knows my place. Which is right cheer in the good ole US of A in the heart of Texas.

    I’ve been to Montreal and a few other places up there and it is just too fucking cold. I don’t do cold very well. Hell, last night it got down to 32 here in Texas, and I had to turn my electric blanket up to 7. So yeah, you have a lovely place up there, but I’m staying put, ya hear? Y’all can come visit me any time ya want and I’ll even wear my hat and boots for ya. P.S. Victoria’s is just over rated if’n you ask me.

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