Time for me to partake in the fad that’s sweeping the nation…and by nation, I mean facebook.
It’s 25 things about me that you never cared about, but now will find endlessly fascinating:
1) When I was in grade 3, I gave myself full blown whiplash by imitating the Valley Girl Hair Flip. I told everyone that someone hit me in the neck, and they took my collared self around to the classrooms to teach everyone about the dangers of running and flailing. I still have never told my parents that this wasn’t actually what happened.
2) When I was little, I used to lie about being left handed. I thought this made me extraordinarily special.
3) I have never been on a date. I am engaged.
4) I hate my feet. They have permanent calluses from ballet and my fourth toes aren’t straight. This irritates me every single day.
5) I used to play the trumpet in band. I loved it. I quit in grade 10, cuz band was during lunch hour and I chose lunch hour.
6) My bestest friend in the whole wide world is Emerald. If you hurt her, I will cut you. We share a brain. It’s quite scary. I think we’d make a hilarious reality TV show though. But don’t tell her, she’ll beat me up for even thinking that.
7) The first words out of my mouth when the boyfriend presented me with my engagement ring were, ‘Are you shitting me?’
8 ) I swear like a fucking sailor.
9) I will never in my life eat a falafel. I don’t know why, but I’ve taken a stand against them and now it’s become my thing.
10) Emerald and I once told a coworker that we hated that we had nicknamed her Mittenstrings (in reference to the dumb kids who have their mittens on strings, cuz they’re idiots). Her response was ‘But I like mittenstrings!’ I literally fell down laughing. We got her fired later. Bahahahahaha.
11) I am an unapologetic bitch and have no tolerance for idiots. If you are intelligent and/or treat me kindly, I will be lovely to you. However, you should seriously fear my wrath.
12) I don’t talk to my mother.
13) I have one tattoo to mark the end of an illness that made me want to take my life. I have my next one planned, as a commemoration (is that a word?) to Saskatchewan, and my Grandpa.
14) I am obsessed with knitting. I blame Maytina. Though I had wanted to learn for a long time before I found out that she could teach me, I think she has done nothing to quell my obsession.
15) I am a chronic money-worrier. I pinch pennies, even though I don’t really have to. I am convinced that tomorrow I will be forced to cough up thousands of dollars, so I’d better have them stashed away. So far? Nobody’s asked me for thousands of dollars.
16) Speaking of money, when I was finishing first year university, my piece of shit car was acting up. I took it to the garage, where they informed me that virtually everything was wrong and told me it would cost $500 big ones. I started crying right then and there (I was 18) and screamed, ‘But I don’t HAVE $500 dollars!’ They did the work for $180 and I referred anybody and everybody I could to them from that day forth, and never did I ever get an oil change anywhere else.
17) I went to the University of Waterloo, in Waterloo, Ontario. I hated it and will be glad if I never step foot in that town again.
18) I am addicted to naps.
19) Libraries are some of my favourite places in the world. I love the atmosphere, the quiet, the smell of books (hush) and the endless possibilities that are on the shelves, available to you for free!
20) I have no patience. This is becoming more and more of a problem.
21) I would rather shoot myself in the foot than vomit. I hate it more than anything in the world.
22) I am a fantastic public speaker. I credit this to being on stage since the age of 7 as a ballerina.
23) I hate the word ballerina.
24) I started this blog a long time ago, because my job was so boring and slow. I wished for excitement and business! If I could go back, I’d tell myself to be damned fucking careful what I wished for.
25) My name is Talea. It rhymes with Korea, idea and diarrhea. My name is NOT: Taline, Tally, Talia, Taleah, Taliah, Salsa, Toldeo, Tequila, Julia, Maria or Talay. I have been called all of these. I shit you not.