I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!



Way back in the day, this woman named Eve ate an apple she shouldn’t have. She screwed us all over and now we all have monthly cycles. Periods. The rag. The worst thing ever. Whatever.

And we all get it (for the sake of argument, I don’t mean to start any debate about those who aren’t fertile, that is SO not my blog). Every month, give or take, we have to deal with it. It’s part of life. And it comes with a lot of downsides. I can’t think of any upsides to it, in fact. Nothing positive comes to mind.

We all deal with it. It sucks. We move on.

Except for that small portion of women who insist on sharing with other women exactly where they are in their ‘beautiful, natural menstrual cycle’. They will inform you of the daily position of their eggs, the activities of their uterus, the fact that they are just about to start on their rag, blah blah blah. They will inform you as to the level of bloat they are currently experiencing. Their ratio of cravings, in terms of salty and sweet. They will complain about how cranky they are, how none of their clothes fit, their back hurts, blah blah blah. They’ll come up to you and ask for a ‘product’ then loudly whisper that ‘they’re on their period’. No shit, really? I thought you just really liked collecting linty tampons from the bottom of my purse. You idiot.

What IS it with these women?

“Oh my god, I SO need chocolate…….(in a stage whisper), I’m sooooo PMSing” Um, wtf. I don’t care. Keep your menses to yourself. I don’t need to know the schedule of your innards, thanks though.

How are you supposed to react? They seem to think that this allows them instant bonding privileges with you, seeing as you both go through the same thing. Yeah…..alright. So I should bond with everyone who has feet too? Am I supposed to jump up and down and congratulate them on not getting themselves knocked up this month? Or start a parade dedicated to their wasted fertility? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

If you really want me to be aware of when you’ll be PMSing, then actually on the rag, then in the clear, please just give me a damn calendar. I can throw it away and we’ll never have to speak of it again.

And dudes, when I wrote ‘please just give me a damn calendar’, I had actually written bloody instead of damn. Ha. Bad pun. Glad I caught that one, that would have been an editing fail.

What was I saying? Oh yeah. Leave me out of your uterus’ schedule. I don’t need to know about it. Just cuz we both have one, doesn’t mean we’re friends. Thanks. Bye.


Comments on: "OMG, TMI, WTF?" (15)

  1. whatigotsofar said:

    I once saw this art exhibit which displayed a pair of used tampons.

    And being a male, I’d have never seen such a thing before and was not sure of what I was seeing so I got real close and stared until I was able to determine what they were.

    Oh my lord, you poor poor man. I apologize that that happened to you. And I condemn the ‘artists’ who displayed said ‘art’.

  2. Seriously. You just want to say “Put a cork in it, eh?” (har har)
    And don’t get me started on those “Have a happy period.” commercials. Dude, there’s no happy.

    I know there’s no happy. Lies, liiiiiies! A man probably came up with that one. Fool.

  3. This post really upset me. I think it’s because I’m PMSing. 🙂

    Hey guess what? I don’t care! Ha….thanks for commenting, I stumbled across your blog and have quite a crush on it!

  4. “Just cuz we both have one, doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

    This is SO true!

    THANK GODDESS I no longer have to deal with that shit! So, people, please, don’t remind me of the joy of menstruation, OK??

    I had Aunt Flo visit every month for many years and when the bitch up and died, well. I said “Bon Voyage”!

    I wish there was a way to get rid of it. Apparently doctors won’t tie the tubes of 20 somethings. Pshaw, I say. I don’t want kids, nor do I want periods….tie ’em up!

  5. This is totally why I love it here. Totally! What is up with these periody-women. Who cares. I don’t even really PMS, and haven’t had my period in years (I have an IUD) so I could give two shits really.

    I have been seriously considering getting one of those things. Screw you Mother Nature! I’ll mess you up with a piece of plastic up my hoo-ha!
    And thanks for the love!

  6. even worse? the ridiculous euphemisms for the whole thing.

    Ha, how true. I won’t go into a list of them here, cuz nobody needs to hear that.

  7. Awww man, I cannot complain about my period to you! I’ll be sending you a calendar so you know when NOT to visit my blog 😉

  8. ROFLMAO….so you didn’t like my PMS banner 🙂 (hanging head in shame because I’m one of those sharing women who wants the whole world to know 🙂

  9. but just give me 5 minutes…my mood will change and I’ll be begging for chocolate 😉

  10. Duuuuude, I know! What is with them? Especially the particular examples to which I happen to know you are referring. I mean, I share with you, but you’re my bud. You deserve fair warning for when I hit that scary week where I occasionally assault home appliances. Well, you and Josh, but he outweighs me 😛

  11. Thanks for writing this, you took the thoughts right out of my head. I’ve always had this problem with girls. Whenever anyone says stuff like that to me, I just give them this blank stare with raised eye-brows. They make me feel so dingy. Ugh.

  12. Note to self: DON’T tell Talea when I’m ovulating. She just don’t care. 😦

  13. Seriously? I forget these people exist. The last time someone told me they were surfing the wave it was to ask for painkillers. Which made sense. I don’t need to know either, and as you know, I’m all over the TMI! 😛

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