I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

In a few short days, June 21, 2009, it will be exactly 10 years since I met the fiance. Ten. Years. TEN YEARS.

TEN???

Whoah.

Take a moment. Process that. That’s fucking ridonkulous. I remember it oh-so-very-clearly too. That’s the scariest part. I remember it. I’m old enough to have crystal clear memories which occurred a decade ago.

Naturally, after realizing that, I had a mini existential crisis and then I realized that being old would make for good blog fodder, so here I am.

Until recently (read: two nights ago), I thought of myself as still very young. But I’m starting to think otherwise. Oh, I’m not waxing poetic about middle age and I’m not about to go into menopause, but I’m not a little kid anymore. This is a rather ironic reality, as I’ve never really felt younger than I currently do, whereas people no longer see me as a kid.

How do I know this? Let me tell you.

First of all, I have no fucking idea who these Jonas Brothers kids are. They could walk up to me and punch me in the face and I wouldn’t recognize them. I have no idea what their names are. Jim, Bob and Jim-Bob, for all I care. What’s the big deal with them? I don’t get it.
Second, I haven’t read the Twilight books. I haven’t seen the Twilight movies. I have seen Robert Whatshisface in person, though I didn’t realize it at the time. When I was in Texas, he was visiting a mall I was shopping in and I couldn’t understand who he was.
Three, when I wake up in the mornings I usually think ‘Ow, my [insert random body part here, though chances are it will be my neck and/or back]’
Four, when I walk by groups of high school boys, nobody catcalls me. Unless they’re particularly obnoxious. But this makes me feel very old, very relieved, cuz really, I hate catcalls, but old nonetheless.
Five, I talked to a FINANCIAL ADVISOR the other day, to discuss my MUTUAL FUNDS. What. The. Hell.
Six, I still like CD’s. I don’t download music. I don’t like these kids with their ipods blaring on the train. Keep that noise down, you rascals!
Seven, I care about the economic meltdown. I do. It frightens me. You know why? Cuz I have bills to pay, dammit! Like an old person.
Eight, I thank my lucky stars every day that I don’t go to high school nowadays. Can you imagine having to go through that hell all day long, and then have it continue at night on facebook and twitter? Uh. No thanks.
Nine, I remember PHONING people. I remember NOT HAVING an email account. I remember having to go to the library to look things up. I remember using a phone book. I do not remember how I survived in those clearly archaic times.
Ten, I am closer to 30 than I am to 20. I’m not okay with that.
Eleven, everyone around me is having babies. Since when did my generation become the one that’s procreating? Weren’t we just sitting around playing Super Nintendo while wearing our gimp bracelets?
Twelve, I don’t understand hip hop. I don’t. I don’t know why kids now refuse to speak in proper English. I don’t know why kids wear such wacky stuff. They’re strange human beings, from another land it seems. I feel like how old people used to feel about me.
Thirteen, I am still appalled by the fact that children who don’t have their licenses have cell phones.
Fourteen, I have become my parents. I am stuck believing that the best music EVER made was from my teenage years. Just like every old person does. Dammit.

I AM the old people.

I have turned into Grandpa Simpson. I find myself walking along, thinking, “I don’t like the looks of those teenagers”

It's only a matter of time before I too start yelling at clouds.

It's only a matter of time before I too start yelling at clouds.

“I used to be ‘with it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’, and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary.”

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Comments on: "Somewhere along the way, they changed what ‘it’ was." (11)

  1. maleesha said:

    Yes. And Yes.

    Sigh.

  2. I’d bet I’m almost twice as old as you, and I promise you, it get’s better. Mwahahahahahaha!

    Take that as you like ;^)

    Better good? Or better like, even more confusing and therefore more blog fodder? Oh no!
    Ha, I know, life does get better the older I get. But it doesn’t stop me from being out of touch. Meh. I wasn’t that cool to begin with.

  3. whatigotsofar said:

    Who do you think you are, me?
    1st, yup, me. 2nd, Twilight’s a book? 3rd, my back is killing me today. 4th, okay, can’t relate to that one. 5th, told me to make more money then come back. 6th, LPs! 7th, the bills keep coming… 8th, sure. 9th, oh yeah. 10th, Close enough to smell it. It smells like my grandma’s cloest, you know, moth balls and old clothes. 11th, going to a baptism on Sunday. 12th, what’s a ‘fashizzle’? 13th, who do kids have to talk to? They go from home to school then back home. Hello, landlines people. 14th, wrong there. Best music was from when our parents were teenagers.

    I like how you switched from 1st, 2nd to three, four, five.

    Hey, I never said anything on this blog made sense. At least I didn’t go: 1, 2, c, 4, e

  4. laundryblog said:

    Serious props to the gimp bracelets.
    I, for one, loved jelly shoes and leggings when they were popular the FIRST time around and OMG where is my walker?

    I Looooooved my jelly shoes! They were clear but they had sparkles embedded into them, so in my grade 3 mind, it just looked like I was wearing straps of sparkles! Wooo!

  5. missmotychko said:

    Enjoyed reading your post. Hmm, that last sentence really made me think. And I agree with you about the Jonas Boys/Twilight thing. Just remember it’s only a matter of time before the buzz around them takes a pitfall, and all of their maniacal fans vehemently deny ever liking them. I can see them, frantically ripping down their Twilight posters while sneering, “Twilight? Ugh please, that’s so LAME!”.

    And Twitter? The same thing is going to happen to it! You should see the looks on people’s faces when I tell them I don’t own a cell phone. It’s like… the weirdest thing.

    I don’t need a cell phone. I’m a loner. No one calls me.

  6. I hear you sister. A couple of weeks ago I went to a high school graduation prom, with my fiancé (who works at that school), and there were moments on the dance floor where I thought to myself… what the HELL! What is this song, and why all these kids know the words, and why does my girl know them (3 years younger than me)? Suffice it to say, I wanted to hear Daddy Yankee’s Gasolina, even though the tune is 4 years old now… I too have become Grandpa Simpson.

  7. Nick, I think. One of them is named Nick. That’s about all I know.

  8. I agree with JW, but I’d put this spin on it. Our ability to enjoy life should keep increasing, even knowing that sadnesses lay ahead.

    Another sign of adulthood I expected to see was looking forward to sleeping.

    Number 14 is not good. There’s so much music out there you can always find good stuff now. Getting stuck in a decade musically is a sad trap. Don’t fall in there talea. Please.

    My daughter (29) loved her jelly shoes too. 🙂

    Another fun post, talea, thank you. 🙂

  9. I love our near-daily existential crises about how terrifyingly fast time goes by, and how retarded kids these days are. Don’t worry, we won’t always be cool, but we’ll always be bitching.

  10. Trust me your not old yet. When you turn 40 than come talk to me. ;+) That’s when the real fun begins. I won’t give you any hints because that would take the fun out of the surprise. LOL I enjoyed reading your list.

  11. Oh, i haven’t been here in too long and I apologize! This is a great post – I sat here laughing…. I hate that “am I old?” question that pops into my head every now and again too! Great list! You are just as clever and funny as ever, thank you for the laugh!

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