I’m moving again. Insert world’s largest, most dramatic and heavy sigh here.
I’m at the point where the inevitable is occurring around mealtimes. The combining of random non-perishables, and claiming they are edible in their new culinary marriage.
Fact is? They probably aren’t.
You stop grocery shopping prior to a move. Only the shit that makes you think, ‘What ridiculous epicurian blog did I look at just prior to hitting the grocery store that inspired me to BUY that?’ Or, ‘Why on God’s green earth did I continue to buy boxes of zero-calorie Jell-o, when I already had approximately 8 of them already? Who the hell needs that much Jell-o? I can’t even MAKE Jell-o!’ remains in your barren cupboards.
So I’m sitting here, looking at a jar of pesto, a can of Thai green curry sauce, some corn, some chicken flavoured rice, a shitton of Jell-o, some rice cakes (must have felt fat that day, or was going down the aisle behind some anorexic bitch), a half empty box of Raisin Bran, some stale crackers and flavoured tuna.
My fridge has a couple of really gross old apples, a couple of really gross old baby carrots, a jar of really gross old sweet pickles, some parmesan and half a jar of really gross old alfredo sauce.
My freezer has half a bag of really gross old freezer burned butterscotch chips, and the inevitable freezer burned half baked ham and the ice cube tray I never use. I hate cold drinks. Unless it’s beer.
Faced with this uber tantalizing combination of crap, I have decided to have a lovely microwave created casserole tonight. Chicken flavoured instant rice, kernel corn from a can, and a can of lemon pepper tuna. You know what? It’s totally edible!
I usually fail at the pre-move meals….there’s been Jell-0 (I have a problem with buying that shit) and popcorn, chocolate and hot dogs, and rice, italian dressing and cooked carrots (uh, yeah…..don’t do that).
I have no milk, no bread, no eggs, no spaghetti sauce, no fruit that has not entered a stage of questionable maturity.
Tomorrow, I think that Tim Horton’s is going to be making my meals. Somehow, even I’m not adventurous enough to try rice cakes with pesto, or raisin bran with green curry sauce. Though a handful of butterscotch chips doesn’t sound totally disagreeable….