I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

Dear Entitled Francophone Jackass:

I understand that I have to share a country with you. I also understand that you think you’re pretty hot shit, since in Ottawa, French is in demand and if you can speak it, you really don’t have to do much else during your 8 hours at work.  I also understand that in Canada, ‘bilingual’ means that people who speak english need to be able to speak french, but that the french don’t have to be able to speak english.

Yeah, I love a good double standard.

I understand all of those things. Doesn’t mean I agree with, or comply with them.

I know that you think that since you speak the francais, that I should speak the francais. Unfortunately for you, you lost the war, so I don’t have to.

Today, when I passed through a client of yours and asked you to kindly speak to her since you’re bilingual and she was blathering away in french, I don’t understand why you turned into such a pansy bitch.

Me: “Hi you, I have a person on the line who wants to speak with you. I couldn’t understand her since she only speaks french and I don’t, so can you speak with her?”
You: “Uh, well, can you just take a  message?”
Me: “But, she only speaks french. I don’t speak french. You do. Can you take the call?”
You: “No. Just take a message please.”
Me: “But…..I can’t speak to her…..I don’t speak what she’s speaking….?”
You: “You don’t speak FRENCH?”
Me: “No. I don’t.”
You: “So, you don’t speak french.”
Me: “No. I don’t. She does. I can’t speak to her. Instead of me just throwing her to voicemail without a word, did you want to speak to her?”
You: “You don’t speak FRENCH??”
Me: **Looking around for the hidden cameras, cuz surely you aren’t that retarded and this must be a joke. I mean, it isn’t like I’ve just told you that I’m actually a six headed alien here to devour you and take over the world. It isn’t THAT shocking. Surely, in your time in Canada, you’ve encountered a (gasp) anglophone**
You: “What’s your name please?”
Me: “Talea. T-A-L-E-A. Here she is.”

I then transferred her over, so you two could talk about what a stupid english speaker I am.

Okay, so I know that since you asked my name, you’re going to turn around and tell your boss, who pays me to answer his phones remotely, that I don’t speak French. Um, knock yourself out. Being pissed that I can’t speak two languages isn’t going to make me magically bilingual. It’s only going to make you look like someone who kept a client on hold for a stupid amount of time while you boggled over the fact that I dared call you with this. I’ve called your boss about eleventy billion times telling him that there’s a language barrier and I need him to speak to this person. He takes the call and deals with it.

I hate you so much. I spend all day dodging the french here and just trying to get the goddamned Starbucks baristas to converse with me in English. It shouldn’t be that hard, since I live in Ontario, but it is. I hate that I am made to feel like a foreigner all day long in my own country. If I moved to Quebec, I’d expect it. This ISN’T Quebec. All of Ottawa, including yourself, seems to have missed that memo.

And you know what REALLY irks me? I talk to people from Quebec all day long, and they never throw the same attitude at me as Ontario francophones.

Does this post have a point? No. Not really. I was just pissed at you for treating me like a fucking idiot and thinking that the fact that I only speak english is a reportable offense. It isn’t.

In short, vous pouvez allez mourir dans un incendie.

Hugs and kisses,



Comments on: "No. I don’t speak french, and no, that doesn’t make me a moron or someone who should be reported." (5)

  1. I love this post. You go. The French don’t seem to be too popular here either.

  2. Poor Talea. 😦 I’d talk some this about the guy too, but you did such a nice job already. 😉 You go girl.

  3. You know how I feel about the French. Ugh. It reminds me of Sudbury – clearly in Ontario and yet so Frenchy!

  4. You always tell it like it is Talea. I F***ing love that.

  5. I’m so glad we have something in common, my friend: a mutual distaste for the french and beaurocratic b.s…… 🙂

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