I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter!


Not pineapples, mind you. Pinapples.

That was the first thing I saw when I walked into my local grocery store, written out by hand on the little produce signs.

The spelling and grammar nazi part of me starting having a mini rage attack, without the mini part. I looked around quickly to see if I could find the marker they used and quickly insert an ‘e’ into the word. I didn’t want people to think that a new fruit had been invented. God forbid someone who was allergic to pineapples picked up one of the fruits mislabelled by the dim supermarket employee. They would go happily on their way, looking forward to their fruit salad snack later in the day, only to die a horrible suffocating death when their throat swelled up and slowly it dawned on them……….it wasn’t an amazing new fruit, remarkably similar in appearance and taste and name to the pineapple….it WAS a pineapple!

Choose carefully. Amongst these pinapples is one deadly pineapple.

I am assuming that the speller in question was a pimply 16 year old boy. Why the hell can’t this current generation (Generation Me, I think they’ve been dubbed) do the simplest of things like get their damned hair out of their face or SPELL? I hate you emo kids! These kids have grown up, suckling on the teats of spellcheck, and when they leave their computers behind they fall apart. They’re essentially illiterate. How are they passing spelling exams? Do they still have them? Did this same thing happen to math after the invention of the calculator?

It saddens me that a basic pillar of human civilization has fallen apart in one generation. Thousands of years to build it up and poof, we have pinapples. Granted, I’m as guilty as the next of using lolspeak and texting in phonetics, but for actual correspondence where I want to appear as though I am someone who isn’t a moron, I whip out my mastery of the English language. There was a time when people were judged for bad spelling. I miss those judgemental times.

Everyone else is slowly adapting to spellcheck laziness too. Someone I know put up a new website and implored me to look at it. The spelling mistakes and misuse of words (their, they’re, there; to, too, two) were rampant! It was a damned spellingmistakepalooza! Reading it made my head explode. True story.

And another thing! You can’t just rely on spellcheck. It isn’t smart. It just isn’t. Observe:
“There going to go their with they’re friends.”
Spellcheck would have absolutely no issue with that non-sensical sentence. Everything is perfectly fine in the spelling department. However, it is a major fail in the ‘What the ass are you talking about?’ department.

I know all you bleeding heart liberals are going to cry out in defense of those with dyslexia and who are ESL. Well, my first rebuttal is why are you on my blog? Get off. Second, this isn’t about those people. I am speaking of perfectly abled, native English speakers who are just lazy and apathetic.

To end my pointless rant on how angry improper spelling makes me, I will close with this eloquent photo. It conveys my sentiment and makes me a massive hypocrite all at once. Frankly, I find that funny:



Comments on: "Deadly fruit, OR, learn to spell." (7)

  1. Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

    Please don’t hate me. 😦

    Maybe it was a pi-napple?

    Did you check with the manager? 😉

  2. Ugh. I also hate that. As you know, the all time biggest annoyance for me is that there their they’re shit. It’s not even hard!! Stuff like that makes me nutty.

  3. The usage of ‘less’ and ‘fewer’ – particularly in advertisements – has been driving me buggy lately… Damn ad execs and their not knowing how to use the language.

  4. oh, gosh! pinapples! those are given out by murderous serial killers every halloween! (they are similar to razor apples.)

    once i bought some sliced meat at the deli counter and i SWEAR that the label said “Roast BEAST”. i think some joker was trying to be funny. i laughed.

    • whatigotsofar said:

      Oh my Lord. I thought I was the only person who saw the roast beast. Couple days ago next to the frozen turkeys. I had to look carefully but it was in a hard to make out scripted font. It was a pre-stuffed turkey, but the big text said “roast beast.”
      Last time I do my grocery shopping in Whoville.

  5. whatigotsofar said:

    who the heck eats fruit anymore?

  6. Maybe, as Peter up there implied, it was a “pie-napple”… everyone loves pie! If so, it’s still a fail, ’cause he or she forgot about that e, hence the “pinapple” was born. I work in publishing so I could be a bigger grammar nazi than I actually am, but I’ve chilling about my español-speaking coworkers “wharrgarbl”-inducing potential 😉

    P.S. That dog kicks ass!

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